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AIBU not to go to my niece's 18th birthday party?

(25 Posts)
Seemsabitodd Wed 15-Jun-16 18:30:03

It is my niece's 18th birthday next week and we (dh, 2 dss -aged 15 and 17 and me) have been invited to the party - kicking off at 3pm. It will probably go on well into the night. It is a 370 mile round trip.
Dh can't go due to work commitments, ds1 is revising for an exam and ds2 has school - the party is on a weekday.
I could go, have about 4 hours there then drive home in the evening. I feel I should but the idea of spending just as long on the motorway as I would at the party is not really appealing. Plus I get tired very quickly come the evening and the drive home would be hard work. Staying the night there is not an option as i need to be home for work early the next day. It is dh's side of the family and the afternoon bit of the party will be his aunts, cousins and BIL's family. They are ok but I would not choose to spend time with them if I didn't have to.
I don't really think my niece would miss me if I didn't go, dh thinks I should go. Am I being a selfish cow if I don't go? I would have the time (no work that day).
My niece is also my godchild.

Gazelda Wed 15-Jun-16 18:32:44

I was with you up until you said she's your Godchild.
In fact, I'm still with you.
But can you see her at the weekend and take her out? I think the 18th birthday of a Godchild is something which requires a bit of effort, but not 370miles on a weekday!

BackforGood Wed 15-Jun-16 18:42:17

YANBU - you can't expect people to travel 185 miles to a party on a week day. If they choose to have it then, they can realistically only be expecting local guests.
It's a shame, as she is your God daughter, but they needed to take that into consideration when making the arrangements.
My dd is having an 18th in the Autumn, and, although some guests are invited from a distance (all about 1/2 that distance though), and it's on a Saturday, we will completely understand if everyone isn't able to come.

flowery Wed 15-Jun-16 18:44:50

Isn't this one of those situations where you invite someone because it's the right thing to do but fully expecting them to say no?

PPie10 Wed 15-Jun-16 18:47:43

Yanbu, a weekday would be out of the question for most people not even taking account the distance. It would be understandable if you couldn't make it.

emilybrontescorset Wed 15-Jun-16 18:48:32

No way would I travel that far without staying overnight.

SirChenjin Wed 15-Jun-16 18:50:45

I wouldn't go - and would be surprised if they really expected you to go.

MapMyMum Wed 15-Jun-16 18:52:59

YANBU dont go but do arrange to do something nice at the weekend when you can all go

MadamDeathstare Wed 15-Jun-16 18:54:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lalalalyra Wed 15-Jun-16 18:57:34

I think when you have an event on a weekday then you know people may not come. I'd skip it. Mark her birthday, but that amount of travelling would be madness imo.

Nataleejah Wed 15-Jun-16 19:53:14

Yanbu. Just call to ssay happy 18th and get her a present

Leeds2 Wed 15-Jun-16 19:57:12

I don't think they can expect you to do that sort of distance mid week. To be fair, I doubt they would be expecting you to.

I would be a bit cross with DH telling you that you should go though. Tell him to take a day off, and you can share the driving.

MatildaTheCat Wed 15-Jun-16 19:59:46

Definitely NU. Obviously send card and present but maybe organise another treat at a time that works? Afternoon tea or cocktails at a place you can both conveniently be?

I don't think anyone could have an issue with this one.

expatinscotland Wed 15-Jun-16 20:05:01

I would send a lovely card and gift and then take her out another time.

Littlefluffyclouds81 Wed 15-Jun-16 20:06:33

Maybe get her a really generous present, considering that you'll be saving a lot of money by not going. I'm sure they won't mind then.

pilates Wed 15-Jun-16 20:08:49

YANBU
Nice card and present and perhaps a happy birthday phone call on the day.

NavyAndWhite Wed 15-Jun-16 20:11:54

I don't think I'd go tbh.

Could you arrange to do something with your DN soon? Day in the city, shopping and afternoon tea? On a weekend?

Or send a lovely card and present. But don't feel too bad if you don't go.

rookiemere Wed 15-Jun-16 20:13:06

goodness no, don't know.
Card and big cheque/wad of cash to reflect the petrol money you've saved.

yougotitdude Wed 15-Jun-16 20:21:36

I guess it depends how close your relationship is.

It is a long way to go though- not to mention most 18 year olds would relish the opportunity to drag out their birthdays as long as possible and celebrate another time. Also- I imagine she is more interested in sitting with her friends (assuming it's not just a family party?) so travelling that distance for a quick hello/how are you and accepting a birthday card and counting the cash you give her isn't really worth it.

Ultimately it is your decision- but think about what the consequences could be and how you will deal with said consequences- i.e. would they be upset you didn't come and would you be upset because of that?

I would at the very least make an effort to Facetime her/Skype on her birthday to say Happy birthday/see what gifts she got etc.

Seemsabitodd Wed 15-Jun-16 20:34:29

I have sent her a message saying thank you for the invitation but we can't come.
I will definitely send her some flowers and phone her on the day. Not quite sure what present to get her yet (or if it will be money) but thanks for your comments - you have reassured me that I am not the selfish aunt from hell.
Even dh decided it was a bit far for one day and he is usually very into "do anything to show family loyalty"

Cornberry Wed 15-Jun-16 20:36:46

I wouldn't.

Littlefluffyclouds81 Wed 15-Jun-16 22:50:23

See, I don't know your niece, but I don't think I'd have appreciated flowers at 18. A decent bunch of flowers isn't cheap, and I think most 18 year olds would rather have cold hard cash, or a voucher for Amazon or a favourite clothes shop. Or maybe a nice piece of silver jewellery that she can keep.

But like I said, I don't know her, maybe she particularly loves flowers!

ImperialBlether Wed 22-Jun-16 13:57:57

I think she'd rather have the money to flowers, at that age.

KC225 Wed 22-Jun-16 15:04:33

That must be a relief. however, I do agree with the others not flowers for an 18 year old. Would your son appreciate a bunch of flowers in three years? Send a voucher or cheque. An 18 year old at college or starting university will appreciate that more.

ilovechocolate07 Wed 22-Jun-16 17:46:17

It's a very long way. Can you stay with family? I live a long way from my family but I'd try to get to my niece's 18th if I coukd and make a weekend of it.

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