To persevere with getting ds to have a vaccination?

[SweetElizaRose]

He's 7 and we are booked in for chickenpox jabs.
I'm having it too since I'm not immune. It's doing the rounds at school and I don't want ds to catch it or to bring it home to prem dd. I know it's usually mild but not always.

However he is absolutely resisting. He's become very difficult over anything medical over the last couple of years. I can't even take his temperature. He wouldn't have the flu vaccine spray. They had to give up because he became hysterical. We've talked about why vaccines are necessary and how having the illness is worse than having the vaccine, we've tried bribes and rewards. Some of it is for effect. Apparently the chickenpox vaccine will kill him and make him cry for ten years and his arm will fall off etc etc.

I know I should be sympathetic but it's starting to get on my nerves. At some point he is going to have to have some sort of medical thing and if we keep backing down now how will we manage it? I think my view is slightly coloured as I was diagnosed diabetic at 8 and was doing all my own injections and blood tests more or less straight away. I know that doesn't change how he feels about medical type things though. I have to say he generally is a drama queen. I know that sounds horrible but he is! Everything is reacted to in an over the top way - for example something he doesn't like coming on the TV is 'an absolute disaster,' losing at football makes him 'want to never play again and throw all his footballs away,' a food he isn't keen on on his plate is 'total poison and will make him sick' so he does have a tendency to be a little over the top.

Would you back down on this or not?

[Mrsmorton]

No. Absolutely not. You have to be the adult here, it sounds very difficult but you're right, he needs to get used to a: medical stuff and b: not having his own way all the time.

Good luck.

[SweetElizaRose]

Thanks. I think I may need it!

[SweetElizaRose]

The thing is if he flat out refuses and won't sit still what do I do?!

[PPie10]

I think if you have to bribe him then that's what you need to do. He has to have it done, whatever means. Good luck

[SweetElizaRose]

He is saying no even with bribes.

I don't want to back down but I just don't quite know what to do if he refuses when we get there. I don't think holding him down is the right thing, is it?

[MsWorthington]

I wouldn't back down, you have to draw the line somewhere and I'd say a vaccination is the place to draw it. What would happen if say he stood on a rusty nail (which I did at that age) had to go to a and e and needed a tetanus jab? He could legitimately argue that last time you tried to make him have an injection you backed down.

[coco1810]

My DS is an absolute tit (said in the most affectionate way, obviously) when it comes to vaccinations. Unfortunately, he's asthmatic so has the annual flu jab. His nurse is fab though, generally she'll have the syringe hidden in her hand and will get him when he least expects it. Works for us, otherwise its screaming hysteria (and he's 12!)

[SweetElizaRose]

I know...
It's just if he works himself up and becomes hysterical as with the flu spray I don't quite know what to do. I feel like getting cross but will that help?! I've tried the gently gently approach, I've tried reasoning, I've tried bribing...

[Butterworthbees]

Could you have it first in front of him and then say it's his turn?

Maybe talk to gp about getting child CBT for phobias? He sounds like he might need professional help to overcome these phobic feelings.

[MrsJayy]

Just take him no more talking about it just go to the appointment and say he has to have it i wouldnt back down it will bd over in seconds what happened when he went for the flu spray?

[SleepySlothFace]

If you need to get one too, can you ask the nurse to do you both at the same time? That way he can see how much it doesn't hurt when you get it done.

[MrsJayy]

I think you are going to have to be firm not cross but take charge

[SweetElizaRose]

He wouldn't cooperate apparently. I wasn't there as he was meant to have it at school.

I was going to take him to the surgery myself but then dd came along early and it all got a bit forgotten. So he got off with it. I had hoped he might be better without me there to be honest.

[PhilMckrakin]

No don't back down. Just take him and do it no messing around. I have a dc who was like this and in the end I found the endless talking about it made things worse it was easier just to say we're not discussing it anymore you're having it done then lots of reward afterwards.

Nurses who give vaccinations are very good and speed is the key so if you could ring and ask them to have it all ready before you go into the room then you can hold him down and it's over before they even realise or have too much chance to protest. I know I sound harsh but things like this are essential and they have to have it done whether they like it or not!

Good luck, oh and they do grow out of it eventually

[PhilMckrakin]

Oh sorry x post

[SweetElizaRose]

He's too big to hold down on my own - he weighs over 5 stone and is as tall as a ten year old.

[PatMullins]

I was the hysterical, needle-phobic child with the mum who wouldn't back down
I now stick needles in people for a living

Stick to your guns, OP. As parents we are told to choose our battles wisely and this would be one of those.

[MrsJayy]

Yes i think the talking bribing cajoling makes it a huge deal it sounds hard though if he is scared im sure who does the injection is used to kids playing up

[Mrsmorton]

My brother was a bit older but he was being like this over something and my parents pretty much "sent him to Coventry" until he would be rational about it.

They communicated with him enough to get by but no more than that and clearly all privileges were withdrawn. He persevered for about four days but then gave up and sat down and made arrangements.

Why is he like this? Could his dad be an influence? (Good or bad?)

[MsWorthington]

I think I'd go for absolute hard line. As in, I don't care how much you shout, scream, or protest, it's happening, and just don't back down. It probably won't stop him from working himself up, but I suspect if he thinks there's even the slightest chance of you giving in he will relentlessly chip away at your resolve.

Have you told him that from a young age you had to inject yourself, and that many children with serious medical conditions have to live with constant medical treatment? Basically pointing out that you know injections aren't fun, but by kicking off so much about having a single one he's being very silly.

[Pinkheart5915]

I wouldn't be backing down.

You are the adult and it's of benefit to him to have it done, so that's what happens.
maybe the nurse will sway him once you actually get him there?

[MrsJayy]

Are you getting done at the same time

[SweetElizaRose]

Yes both booked in at the same time

I'm not sure why he's like this. He was great at 3 for his boosters. He is generally quite difficult in a lot of ways and I frequently wonder if he's somewhere on the high functioning spectrum.

[minipie]

DD refused to have her pre school jabs earlier this year. Huge meltdowns and wailing. Nothing helped - watching me have a jab, bribery, rationalising etc.

In the end the nurses at the clinic helped me hold her down while the jabs were done. I don't see a moral issue with doing that as they are necessary for her health.

Admittedly she is 3 so not as big or strong as your DS but I expect you could manage with nurses' help. You could pre warn the clinic so they can get an extra person available if need be?

After the jab DD said it was actually fine

[MrsJayy]

I think you should go have yours first no discussion then its his turn because your anxious of cp because of the baby it will be sky high and he might be feeding off it try your best to be unaffected by it its just something he has to do