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Do you think This is for the best

(42 Posts)
Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 21:15:28

Ds is at a special needs residential college. He's been working with his current tutor for about seven months. His tutor took on another high needs student he has four students in total who has a lot of problems with regard to safe guarding which inculde mental health issues and drug abuse. So she takes up a lot of time. She also interrupes ds's allocated Time with the tutor. Ds's has now said that he doesn't want to work with the tuttor if he is also going to be working with this girl. The tuttor has now said that he won't pick between them even though he promised ds he would work with him next year. In my option the fairest thing that the college could do is to make both students work with a new member of staff.

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 21:36:01


19lottie82 Tue 14-Jun-16 21:59:21

I really struggled to understand that, sorry!

So basically, your DS isn't happy because he is getting less time with his tutor because of this new student? Unless there are circumstances which you haven't disclosed I think he needs to suck it up, because these things happen. That's life.

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 22:04:13

She interrupts when he's having sessions with the tuttor. He respects her time with him and leaves her alone with him and she can't do the same for him. She also asks questions to the tuttor such as "who would you save if we were going to die who would you save" if we were both missing who would you look for.

Ameliablue Tue 14-Jun-16 22:10:46

It may be that it would be best for your son to work with a different tutor but that doesn't necessarily mean the girl should have a different tutor. It isn't about choosing one over the other, it's about what can best support both children.

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 22:12:36

My son want the tuttor that he had it's not really fair for him to see her working with him when she's part of the reason why he can't work with him anyway.

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 22:13:43

My son has asd so when he considers something to be unfair it's hard to move him from it.

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 23:30:09


crje Tue 14-Jun-16 23:35:06

It sounds like a tough situation.
How long is it going on?
Maybe it will settle in time.

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 23:37:11

Since February and it appears to be getting worse.

apatheticfallacy Tue 14-Jun-16 23:40:08

Um... Could you have a discussion with the tutor about this? Maybe have a no interrupting private sessions rule? Would that solve the problem?

Hadbetterdays Tue 14-Jun-16 23:41:43

I've tried that the tutors response is if a student needs me I will go and speak to them.

crje Tue 14-Jun-16 23:46:06

You can only decide what to do for your child. If you think it's best to move him then do.

HeddaGarbled Tue 14-Jun-16 23:57:37

These are clearly students with extreme and complex needs. It isn't reasonable of you to criticise the other student for her behaviour, which will be a result of her difficulties. Your son must have similar difficulties or he wouldn't be attending this provision. His difficulties may be less than hers but that doesn't make her the bad guy.

I applaud the tutor for refusing to choose between them. When he promised to continue working with your son, he wasn't expecting your son to object him also working with the other student. You and your son can not expect His sole attention.

If your son isn't happy with his current support, it is reasonable for him to request to be moved to another tutor. It isn't reasonable for you to insist the other student also be moved.

EveryoneElsie Wed 15-Jun-16 00:03:17

Thats very unfair, and I dont think comments such as suck it up are helpful either.
Its sad to see students lose heart when this kind of situation happens. I dont think the tutor is being fair, your son needs him as much as the other student.

Can he get a new tutor?

Hadbetterdays Wed 15-Jun-16 08:53:59

He doesn't want a new tuttor

branofthemist Wed 15-Jun-16 08:59:42

You have limited options.

The tutor refuses to choose between them. So it's up to your son to decide what he wants.

But that doesn't mean she should have to do the same.

I do feel the tutor is wrong letting one student interrupt his time with another student. It's ok saying 'if a student needs him he will speak to them' but what about your sons needs.

And she doesn't need him if it's to ask questions like 'who would you save'.

Yes she probably has complex needs, but it's damaging your son too. There must be a way they can stop her interrupting.

BillSykesDog Wed 15-Jun-16 09:32:54

I actually totally agree with you, they should both have a new tutor. The current plan will be sending this girl the message that being deliberately disruptive will get her what she wants - the tutor all to herself. It seems really unfair.

icanteven Wed 15-Jun-16 09:38:20

I feel that the tutor is acting unprofessionally by deliberately allowing this girl to interrupt your son's allocated one-to-one time, and allowing her to impose manipulative tactics on him. This isn't the girl's fault, given what you have said, but if it is not handled properly it will become intolerable, and presumably the whole point of this college is that the tutors are trained to handle this sort of set of needs.

The tutor is not serving either child adequately, from what you have said, and both children should probably have a different tutor next year.

Hadbetterdays Wed 15-Jun-16 09:38:51

The girl has been spoken to about her behaving like that and she still carries on doing it to him. the comments she makes to my son such as he likes me better. So I don't think the situation is good for either of them.

branofthemist Wed 15-Jun-16 09:52:36

I don't have much experience of this but in my opinion the tutor should be telling her to leave and what time to come back.

There isn't anything anyone can do about her making comments to your ds. They have spoken to her and it hasn't worked.

I genuinely don't know how thins works but can you complain that she is bullying him. That is what she is doing. I understand she has complex needs, but so does your son and it's not fair that she is making him feel so bad.

You may have to go over the tutors head as she is impacting your son.

BishopBrennansArse Wed 15-Jun-16 09:54:45

19lottie82 obviously doesn't appreciate the nature of ASD, that 'sucking it up' may be impossible...

Hadbetterdays Wed 15-Jun-16 10:00:56

I've tried to make him see both sides but with his asd and other needs it is almost impossible.

manicinsomniac Wed 15-Jun-16 10:02:09

But if both children get a new tutor the chances are that this will mean two other, completely uninvolved, children will also have to have a new tutor to enable the switch up. That seems unfair.

I think they should work towards resolution without doing that. You son might need to try and accept that new students mean less time available for him with his tutor and the girl might need to try and accept that she cannot interrupt other people's one to one time.

Hadbetterdays Wed 15-Jun-16 10:03:42

No it doesn't as there are students leaving so therefore staff will become available to take on new students.

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