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receptionist said i should have sent daughter into school... was i unreasonable?

(103 Posts)
user1465932464 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:39:56

hi, i have signed up to ask about this, so im sorry if i get something wrong. how do i change my username and password? i have got one given to me.

my daughter is 12. she is doing well at school. on friday we went to the doctor as her urine infection wasnt cleaning up. the doctor confirmed it was a urine infection. she was given some antibiotics. told to take for 3 days, things still arent fully cleared up so she is taking for a further 4 days, which was advised and then anytime longer i should take her back.

i was driving her to school and we stopped off at a local shop. she came in but was complaining of pain and needing to go to the toilet. it was so bad she had to go back to the car. she needed the toilet every 5 mins, even if it wasnt to pee, like a normal infection really and was saying it was painful, so i advised that she stay off as it was just going to be far too difficult for her to be at school with it. she then sat in the bath for about 3 hours which helped. i had already left a voicemail on the school phone saying she wont be going in but i got a call from the receptionist to clarify why she isnt in, i said she is on antibiotics for a urine infection and that its best that she is off as the symptoms are still bad. she told me to wait a minute, so i did. she then told me that she still should have come in as the school nurse could have given her a toilet pass, if she had a note from the doctor explaining why. i said that there were other symptoms that just that which meant it was just best she stay off but that she will catch up on work. she asked what the further symptoms were, which i said that they were a bit too personal really and that it doesnt really matter. she said it does as she needs to judge if its an unauthorised abscence or if its sickness... i said that she can decide what she would like and i basically ended the conversation there. it will go down as unauthorised. am i being the mad one here???

CuntingDMjournos Tue 14-Jun-16 20:42:44

Nope. Bloody jobsworth. Cystitis is awful. You are best judge of whether she's well enough to be in not the receptionist!!
I would write a private note to the teacher or the head, whoever authorises sickness NOT the receptionist detailing your daughter's symptoms and why she wasn't it, and your concern that the receptionist indicated she should come in regardless of the severity of her illness and conclude by asking them to confirm she was marked down as sick not unauthorised absence

Lumpylumperson Tue 14-Jun-16 20:43:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuntingDMjournos Tue 14-Jun-16 20:44:13

And probably you should have offered to write a private note during the tel con or ask to speak to the nurse direct to explain as you were not comfortable with giving the details to the receptionist but the receptionist should have suggested this also!

Petal40 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:44:30

That sounds exactly like my daughters catholic secondary school....wonder if it is the same one...you as a parent were 100%correct ...school had no right asking such personal questions...with my sons primary I email in any absence...could you do that next time?

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 14-Jun-16 20:46:02

I would have found a polite way to tell her to fuck off.

You get to decide if your kids to sick for school not a receptionist whom one assumes has no medical training and if you declare a sickness they should only query it if they have a reasonable suspicion that you are lying.

Even the DOE advises only asking for medical notes when serious suspicion exists due to the BmA getting quite shitty with them if they can't ask for a note they certainly cant make a medical assesment of need.

And if I had to sit in a bath to piss for a UTI I wouldn't be in work and I wouldn't give an employee shit about the same thing

Passmethecrisps Tue 14-Jun-16 20:46:35

You are absolutely within your rights to keep her off and it sounds like she really needs to be home.

Just to support school staff though - they are often under immense pressure to keep attendance high. They can't win and neither can you.

I hope dd feels better soon.

NewIdeasToday Tue 14-Jun-16 20:46:53

I would be tempted to write to the Head asking what medical qualifications the receptionist has that enable her to decide if sickness is real or not. This is absolutely ridiculous.

WhatALoadOfWankers Tue 14-Jun-16 20:47:14

Agree totally with petal

3littlefrogs Tue 14-Jun-16 20:47:41

She is a receptionist.
As far as I am aware, school receptionists don't have medical degrees or nursing qualifications.

The best thing to do is to just say Dd has been to the GP. She is unwell and has been prescribed some treatment. She will be back at school when she is better.

Honestly, I don't know why some people are nosy and unprofessional.

Hope your Dd feels better soon. Encourage her to drink lots - it will make the urine more dilute and it will be less painful to wee.

borntohula Tue 14-Jun-16 20:48:32

i don't think so, UTIs can be really painful, she possibly wouldn't have been able to focus too well had she been there, besides needing to frequently excuse herself from lessons.

GingerIvy Tue 14-Jun-16 20:49:31

If they mark it as unauthorised, I'd put a complaint in writing to the head and be prepared to take it further if need be. Not because one day is that big a deal, but because this is poor practice.

BananaChew Tue 14-Jun-16 20:49:40

Urgh what a knobend. YANBU.

user1465932464 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:50:34

thank you glad it isnt me then! her absence record is fine. she has high attendance, only ever been off for her braces appointments.

Obeliskherder Tue 14-Jun-16 20:50:52

Poor love, absolutely she needed to be at home. I'd be tempted to say she had a fever too if pushed, but you shouldn't have to lie about it. Clearly if she needs the loo every 5 mins she couldn't achieve anything at school.

RiverTam Tue 14-Jun-16 20:51:12

Excuse me? What a bloody cheek. I would be inclined to lodge a complaint about that, surely it's not for her to probe in that kind of way? What more bloody info do you need about a UTI, FFS?!

Buzzardbird Tue 14-Jun-16 20:51:56

Poor child. That is awful. See if you can get her to drink some bicarb diluted with water.

Receptionist obviously never had an UTI.

Passmethecrisps Tue 14-Jun-16 20:54:01

At the end of the day what does the absence record actually mean? And I say this as a person who signs lots of letters about absence. You made a decision she was too ill to be at school. If she normally keeps good health and attends regularly there is nothing for you, or the receptionist to be concerned about.

Does dd have a head of year or pastoral care? If in doubt call and chat to them. I have intimate details shared with me (which I don't request) about infections etc.

MissMogwi Tue 14-Jun-16 20:57:22

YANBU. I would have been pissed off too. I wouldn't tolerate being questioned if I'd just said she had a UTI and was on medication.

UTIs are awful, I hope she feels better soon.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Tue 14-Jun-16 20:57:57

Bloody nosy cow. UTI's are bloody awful. If shes in pain and needs the loo all the time, she's not going to be able to concentrate on her school work.

LifeInJeneral Tue 14-Jun-16 21:04:01

I'm actually fuming on your behalf reading this! Your poor daughter!! I've had urine infections many times and one time it was do bad I needed help to stand up, in fact I wpuld even go as far as comparing it to as painful as when I had my baby. Other times its not been as bad but have had to just camp out on the toilet with a book as trying to leave was just pointless. They are bloody awful. I'd be writing to the head but tbh I can be a bit hot headed so perhaps don't take my advice grin but you are definitely not being unreasonable

pinkunicornsarefluffy Tue 14-Jun-16 21:04:20

I would email her teacher and the head teacher and say that she is on antibiotics, needs the toilet every five minutes which is very distressing/embarassing for your DD and very disruptive to the rest of the class if you were forced to send her in. I would also complain about the receptionist as well, as your word should be good enough.

There is no way that it should go down as unauthorised absence.

Chrisinthemorning Tue 14-Jun-16 21:04:47

A child should not be at school with cystitis, it's horrible and you need home, bed, hot water bottle, lots of water and close proximity to a loo. I would write to school (to the head, not the receptionist) and tell her that.

moosemama Tue 14-Jun-16 21:05:31

YANBU I doubt the it's the receptionist's call whether or not the absence is marked as authorised or unauthorised and as you would most likely be sending a note in for her class teacher when she returns, the person responsible would make the decision at that point.

Not the same situation, I know, but a similar effect. One of my dses has complicated digestive issues. When they flare up he simply cannot go to school, as he'd spent the majority of the day sat in the toilets and as soon as he was able to be off the toilet long enough to go back to a lesson he'd need to go again once he got there, so a toilet pass would be pointless/useless.

rainbowstardrops Tue 14-Jun-16 21:11:19

I'd be writing to the Head to complain and I rarely give that advice!
Bloody meddling jobsworth.
I'd be getting that absence marked as illness pretty damn quick.

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