School plays

[Pambilaga1608]

AIBU to be pissed off that my very feminine dd is being asked yet again to play the part of an old man ? The last 3 shows she has played either an old woman, an old man and an evil old man ffs. She is heartbroken tonight and getting annoyed with me as I'm trying to explain to her that it's no reflection on her. Then she tells me that the teacher thinks it suits her best, silly cow. She is a very feminine girly girl so why on earth would they do this? I'm so mad with them as I feel it is psychologically damaging her in the same way giving a boy continuously a female lead would. She is the only one girl playing a male and all of the other parts are very feminine. The play is Grease by the way and there are plenty of boys to play male leads. She felt sure she was going to be a pink lady so you can imagine her shock. She couldn't keep the tears back and the teacher saw her crying but didn't change her part. She may sound like a prima Donna but she really isn't. Do I say something or does it sound overbearing?

[Jubaloo442]

Why would the teacher change the part just because your daughter was upset?
Not fair on the other students. I say this as someone who once played the 5TH wise man in the nativity and my only job was to hold the campfire (there were 37 in my class).
Why should the girly girl get the good parts? Because she looks the part?

[SquidgeyMidgey]

Possibly the other girls are stronger singers, have better projecting voices, or are more confident on stage? Teachers don't play favourites with this sort of thing in my experience of working in schools. Sorry your DD is upset.

[Hulababy]

How old is she?
How did the parts get allocated?
Was there auditions?


And even if you say something - what can you expect to happen? They can't just change her part because she is upset, that means chasing some one else and them being upset too.

Not sure why being a feminine girly girl makes a difference to be honest. Its unlikely its chosen just on looks surely?

[iwantavuvezela]

Perhaps you could stress to her that it's "acting", not real life. She is given a character to be, it is not her, you could tell her that she must be a good actor to be able to take on a diverse role, different to what she is. It will not be psychologically damaging in any way, unless she thinks the role is about her, which of course it is not.
For better roles, think about joining a small drama group where your DD will be giving more opportunity and a wider range of characters to play.

[LemonRedwood]

School plays are excellent lessons in learning how to deal with disappointment.

[Hulababy]

"the teacher thinks it suits her best, silly cow. "

Why is that so wrong? It doesn't mean that she looks like an old man. Maybe she is the best person to play that part in terms of the way she acts/speaks her lines/etc

"She felt sure she was going to be a pink lady "

I bet much of the girls auditioning thought they were going to be too. Maybe the teachers who allocated the cast roles gave them to girls who they thought best suited the role - again, not in terms of looks, more on the way they act, sign, speak, etc.

[manicinsomniac]

What? There are no old men parts in Grease. Certainly not big parts. Unless I'm being really forgetful. I directed Grease 2 years ago. The girl who got Jan didn't want it because she didn't want to play 'the fat girl' No biggie, I gave it to someone else who'd always wanted a big part. It's hard enough to find big parts for all the children that want and deserve them without those who are lucky enough to get them complaining.

I've currently got a very pretty, 'feminine' little girl playing Lucentio in Taming of the Shrew and other similar girls playing Prospero and Caliban in The Tempest. We have boys in the school. But these particular girls are very good and deserve big parts. Hopefully they aren't crying at home about playing ugly old men!

I think you are almost certainly BU

[cathyandclaire]

DD1 always had this, I said it was because she had better acting skills and could portray different characters.
I think it's true too, at that age it's harder to convincingly inhabit a character that's far from yourself.

[Balletgirlmum]

The only role I can possibly think it could be is the coach. Maybe your dd is a good character actor rather than a singer/dancer.

She has two choices either accepts the part or let's someone else have it.

[ShowOfHands]

DD is playing an old man this year because she is mature, wise and good at solemnity and gravitas. It actually takes some skill to play a part far away from your true self. There's a difference between what you want to be in rl and what you have the ability to portray. It's a play, not a mirror being held up.

Please don't call the teacher a silly cow. You have the opportunity to teach your child maturity and acceptance. Or petulance and expectation.

[manicinsomniac]

The coach isn't in the stage musical. Unless there are different versions.

[chickenowner]

You sound like a nasty piece of work, how dare you call the teacher a silly cow!

Have you ANY IDEA of the hours and hours of extra work that go into putting on a performance?

Maybe your daughter's school shouldn't bother.

[ApostrophesMatter]

Maybe she's just not as good as the others.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

psychologically scarring?! Oh give over!

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Sorry, damaging, not scarring.

[FlyingElbows]

Yes yabu. Would you prefer they wrote her a special girly girl part such as "accessory girlfriend 3"?

[Balletgirlmum]

It's a show I don't know well though one of dh's students was in the pro version of Cool Rider about a year or so ago

[chickenowner]

I despair sometimes! And I would love to hear the class teacher's response if the OP goes in moaning about it!

[JemimaHighway]

Is she tall? I was tall as a child and always got the male parts. Never did me any harm. You're being precious (which I know is easy to do when it's your kids!). Xx

[hidingwithwine]

As a teacher you're the sort of parent I just love OP.

give me a bloody break

[hownottofuckup]

Actually can see why your daughter is upset if it's the third year in a row of playing bit parts that she really doesn't enjoy. That does seem a little unfair.
How old is she? I don't think ywbu to speak to the teacher and explain that although you appreciate it's too late this year, is it possible for DD to be given a different sort of role next year. Poor kids been type cast!

[Balletgirlmum]

My ds came home ftom youth theatre last night upset that he wasn't given lines when others were & complaining at him having to be a mannequin in one scene.

I emailed the director to explain his aspergers made standing still for any amount of time very difficult & stressful but ultimately told ds he was free to drop out if he wasn't enjoying it as long as he gave a decent amount of notice. but & told the director I do not expect them to pander to him.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Psychology damaging. FFS op, come on. It's a school play.
My sister was a real tomboy. She'd only play with boys and boys toys, and she was given the role of the princess in Sleeping beauty.
It never entered my mum or dads head that the part was too feminine.

[Lurkedforever1]

Yanbu, why not have a look at the class photo and then you can give the teacher your qualified opinion on which girls you deem ugly and/or unfeminine and therefore more suited to the part of an old man. And of course if your dd cried then the teacher should have taken the part of a less demonstrative girl in the pink ladies, serve 'em right for not being as important or attractive as your dd. The 'silly cow' should realise your Dd's feelings are the only ones that matter. I would definitely tell the teacher this, and keep up the good work, it's lovely for your dd to grow up thinking the word 'feminine' is inextricably linked with being seen as one of the pretty ones. And encouraging tears as a means to get your own way, whilst riding roughshod over the feelings of others is an excellent route to future happiness.

[MistressChalk]

Aren't these some of the best parts for aspiring actors? An evil old man sounds a great opportunity to ham it up and act your socks off. Think of all the 'old man/woman' characters in plays, aren't they usually comedic/villainous/wise? Far better talent needed in portraying these roles well than a bog standard hero or heroine.