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To be unsure if I should bother with my birthday this year?

(14 Posts)
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 13-Jun-16 21:31:34

Last year I had a big-ish birthday and arranged a night out and a BBQ at my place for those who couldn't attend or didn't fancy the night out, trying to cater for everyone. I made a FB event thing about a month in advance so people had lots of notice.

In the end it just ended up being more upsetting than anything because hardly anyone seemed bothered about coming. 2 people came on the night out, one of those being dsis.

For the BBQ, DP's sister and mother came but only briefly as they were doing off other things, turned up in the afternoon, stayed for about an hour then left, one of DP's friends came with his gf and a couple of my friends came but they also didn't stay long and seemed like they couldn't wait to leave TBH. My dsis was the only person that came and actually seemed like she wanted to be there.

I got very upset about the lack of interest before hand and one night when I was a bit tipsy and emotional I cried and had a big rant to DP, suggesting just calling the whole thing off because no one could be arsed to come. I'm 99% sure he is the reason everyone bar dsis turned up because I think he secretly told people how upset I was and asked them to come.

I want to do something for my birthday this year but I don't want to go through all the upset of organising something only to find that I have to beg and plead with people to turn up, or just cancel due to lack of interest.

WIBU to just not bother this year?

Mouikey Mon 13-Jun-16 21:49:38

If you don't want to do anything then don't!!! I have a big birthday this year and lots of people were asking what I was doing, was I doing anything special. Nope, I took the dog out for a walk with my husband, had a lovely pub lunch and watched a film in the evening - perfect. If I weren't pregnant, I'd have to say that we would have gone away somewhere nice, but again it would have been me and my hubby.

Don't feel pressure to do something you don't want to!

readytorage Mon 13-Jun-16 21:50:58

I'm confused. No one came to your bbq but everyone who came only came because your DP told them to?

Ameliablue Mon 13-Jun-16 21:55:09

Why don't you just arrange a treat with your partner or sister. Most people I know don't arrange much for adult birthdays that don't end in 0.

irregularegular Mon 13-Jun-16 21:55:42

To be honest, if you're talking about a Saturday night, one month isn't really all that much notice. I've already got a couple of invitations for 'big' birthdays in Sept now.

You don't have to do anything, but it sounds like you want to. I would talk directly to a few people who you would really like to be there and fix a date with them that works. Then if anyone else can come it is a bonus.

TiredOfSleep Mon 13-Jun-16 21:55:48

I had v similar for my big birthday last year, ended up cancelling the dinner as lots cancelled at the last min. Took the plunge and organised dinner this year, after double checking with a couple of key friends they could make the date. Had a blast.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 13-Jun-16 21:56:57

There were a few people who came but as I said I'm 99% sure that they would have just cancelled and not bothered coming if DP hadn't secretly cajoled them into attending. Obviously I have no proof that this is the case but there were a lot of people who 'could attend', then 'couldn't attend', then actually did turn up on the day but only stayed for a very short time. I think DP may have guilted them into it.

That's the thing mouikey, I do want to do something! I really want to have a big, fun party where all my friends and family turn up, stay for the whole thing and have a good time but I wanted that last year and it didn't happen. My overriding memory of the day was just feeling sad and disappointed and I don't really want to repeat that. Better to not arrange anything than be let down again sad.

But maybe I'm just being oversensitive and should give it another go?

pearlylum Mon 13-Jun-16 22:09:04

I find adult birthday parties a bit self indulgent and cringeworthy. Sorry.

Ginkypig Mon 13-Jun-16 22:14:35

Don't do a Facebook invite! I can not emphasis that enough.

If you want people to think it's a proper invite send a real invite.

Give them a specific event rather than I'm having a bbq would be great to see you type thing.

In my experience if people think its a casual thing they prob won't come. I don't know why.

If t makes you feel better no one except m dp gives a Shit about my birthday, normally hel take me out for a meal the weekend after it but he knows if we tried to do a party no one would come sad I don't really mind but sometimes you just think these people are supposed to love me if that makes sense.

This year he will be away so il be on my own I bet I don't even get a phone all never mind a fucking card!

Saying all that though I'm not really fussed I think what annoys me is it is a clear example of how these people are the rest of the year.

TheNaze73 Mon 13-Jun-16 22:22:55

I'm with ginky I never read any FB invites.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname Mon 13-Jun-16 22:25:39

Why pearly? It's the one day of the year you can legitimately get away with being a teeny bit self indulgent, nothing wrong with that!

I created an event on FB as it was just easier than inviting everyone individually and I don't have all of their numbers! It was definately a proper 'event' though,

I guess I'm just a bit hurt because the group of friends I invited still go all out for their birthdays and I always make the effort to participate, going on nights out in fancy dress with them, etc. I was just upset they didn't make the same effort for me sad

peaz1 Mon 13-Jun-16 22:30:59

Nothing wrong with self indulgence on your birthday smile

I've got a big birthday this year and I've not had a party for ages for me so I'm arranging one myself. Definitely doing paper invites, with a start and finish time.

It's been a bit of a crappy year for me, so I want to do something a bit, well, a bit indulgent.

piddleypower Mon 13-Jun-16 22:40:57

I always celebrate my birthday, why not, I am glad to have one! Its better than not having one! But I have learnt that if you want a good birthday you have to organise it yourself. That means giving people at least two months notice and getting it in their calendars, asking them in person and sending a personalised email. Basically what I am saying is it takes a lot of effort on your part. Sometimes it feels worth it and sometimes it doesn't!!

These days I find a lot of friends are just not up for it. Everyone is so busy and has young children, or strapped for cash. I try and do something inclusive, so a BBQ or picnic is ideal as people can bring kids and its cheap.

BackforGood Mon 13-Jun-16 23:00:57

I agree with the 'don't do a facebook invite' thing.
You need to specifically invite people you would like to invite - you know, TALK to people.
Just how big a party are you having if you are inviting people whose numbers you don't even know the numbers of people you invited? confused
I tend to ignore being invited to events on FB - they tend to be events where people just ra domly invite all their fb friends. If a friend (or family member) wants me to go somewhere they will ring / talk to me when they see me / send a written invite / or e-mail

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