Advanced search

Any others who truly prefer to be alone?

(179 Posts)
Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 15:18:04

Just that. I can only completely relax when I'm totally alone and there's no prospect of anyone bothering me any time soon. I prefer my own company, and don't like watching films, TV programmes with others. I've always been like this and it doesn't bother me. It only bothers me when other people insist it's odd, and try to pressure me into being a person I'm not. I live alone and am more than happy with this; think it would kill me to have to share a space with someone else!

So, I'm just hoping to hear from others who perhaps feel the same. To reassure me that I'm not the only one grin

VestalVirgin Mon 13-Jun-16 15:20:59

No, I totally get that. It is okay to live in a shared house where I have my own room, but when I visit friends and have to spend the whole day with them, I feel a bit exhausted after a while.

Like, I can't even think properly with other people in the room.

So, I totally get it.

MorrisZapp Mon 13-Jun-16 15:23:12

Yes. Me.

I love socialising and I'm very outgoing but I need long stretches of solitude every day to keep my mental health.

Not easy as a mother of a five year old!

Luckily DP is similarly inclined and likes his space too.

Mavisblewitt Mon 13-Jun-16 15:29:47

Me too!

I LOVE it when it's just me, if I want to settle with my iPad or a good book with no interruptions it's bliss 😊

I'm very lucky that I get to stay away a lot for work so plenty of evenings spent chilling in my hotel room. But I do miss my other half and the children sometimes. Luckily they're used to it!

So no, you're not strange. I've got a friend who HATES her own company, always needs / wants someone with her, I don't get it!

DraenorQueen Mon 13-Jun-16 15:33:25

Me. I'm single and childfree by choice. I genuinely love spending my time alone and experiencing things by myself. I've just spent a week taking a school group of children abroad and oh my God, the absolute absence of quiet time nearly killed me!

Godotsarrived Mon 13-Jun-16 15:33:30

I love being alone. I often fantasise about living by the sea in a cottage on my todd. Maybe with a springer spaniel for company, daughter and friends will be allowed to visit occasionally.

Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 15:33:49

MorrisZapp - that's it; it's necessary for my mental health to have a great deal of time alone. Not sure how I'd cope with a child, but guess I'd just have to get on with it! I can feel my anxiety mounting and my mental health deteriorating if I'm with people for too long. VestalVirgin - yes, it's exhausting, isn't it? As if the people you're with are draining your energy - not matter how much you like/love them?

I guess this has all come to the fore recently due to a relationship breakup. I'm sad about it, but the guy I was seeing was the complete opposite of me and was quite, quite plain that he simply didn't 'get it'. For me, being alone means being in the house alone, not just going off into a different room. Just the fact that someone is around and potentially could invade my space makes me anxious and consequently, I can'r relax at all.

Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 15:35:51

And, naturally, I'm going to get brassed off in real life gets in the way of my binge watching the new series of Orange Is the New Black grin

Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 15:36:50

If real life.....that should read. I'm currently around other people, hence crap typing grin

Nabootique Mon 13-Jun-16 15:36:57

I am exactly like you Morris. Unfortunately my commute to work (30 minutes) is the only time I get totally alone, and it is affecting my mental health.

FaFoutis Mon 13-Jun-16 15:43:41

Me, exactly what you described. Not just alone but with no prospect of anyone bothering me.

FaFoutis Mon 13-Jun-16 15:44:39

I have school age dc and work mostly from home. That keeps me vaguely sane.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 13-Jun-16 15:47:11

Hmm. I'm exactly like this about anyone but my DH, although even with him I need an hour or so reading alone to relax before bed, like it when he pops in though. With my ex I used to love it when the door slammed behind him in the morning or when he was away for the weekend (not that I didn't love him!) could just feel every muscle in my body relaxing.

Would be torture to share my house with anyone else, no matter how much I liked them, and I'm always a bit relieved when weekends with he girls etc end!

Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 15:49:37

What was really frustrating me was how my partner quite clearly never really believed that being alone was what I preferred. It was as if I simply hadn't met the right person yet with whom I could completely relax. He'd ask me, for example, what it was that I could do when I was alone that I couldn't do with him around; well, how could I answer that?? He truly couldn't grasp the concept of someone preferring solitude. But it's something you can't explain to someone who doesn't feel the same.

Joolsy Mon 13-Jun-16 15:50:32

I like having my family around when they're behaving themselves(!) but I have 2 days off a week and I usually spend them completely alone, free to do whatever I want (housework permitting). I love it

TamaraHiddlestoned Mon 13-Jun-16 15:52:27

Me too. Radio 4, a Book, TV or just silence. Love it!

NotMoreMinecraft Mon 13-Jun-16 15:53:16

I'd say there's a lot of people like this. There's a good book called 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking'. It is about this kinda thing

Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 16:13:53

NotMoreMinecraft - I will have a look for that book.

AllegraWho Mon 13-Jun-16 16:19:04

It's the introvert/extravert thing. It's nothing to do with how good you are on social situations, introverts can be fantastic socially, can have crap social skills.
Difference is, introverts needs solitude to recharge, extraverts need company. Refusal to understand this does not mean it's understand if you've not experienced it, just that the individual not understanding is somewhat lacking in the tolerance department.

Introvert and extravert can live together, as long as the is happy to bugger off out and recharge with other people, and leave the introvert in blessed solitude.

Can you guess which one I am yet ? wink

Nydj Mon 13-Jun-16 16:19:47

That book is by Susan Cain and she has also done a really reassuring Ted talk on the subject - worth a watch.

Oldisthenewblack Mon 13-Jun-16 16:28:57

Allegra - I agree. It's not impossible to understand just because a person doesn't feel the same. I find it easy to comprehend that other people are different to me. It's almost as if these people don't want to understand - it's quite ignorant, really. Feeling a sense of relief at the moment that my time is my own grin

ExcuseMyEyebrows Mon 13-Jun-16 16:32:29

Me too, I'm very much an introvert. I don't even like doing housework if there's anyone else at home. I need a lot of quiet and solitude to recharge my batteries.

I think the world is becoming more and more for extroverts with noise and busyness everywhere. It's very draining.

(I have always watched OITNB alone Old and can't wait for the new series smile)

AllegraWho Mon 13-Jun-16 16:33:24

I do have to add though that there is something to the "right person" thing, as I am unbothered by DP's presence. It's as good as being alone, but if there's also a bit of time totally alone in there somewhere, that's pretty good.

The child thing is bloody hard, but if you luck out they'll be type to need some solitude themselves. The no prospect of being bothered kinda goes out the window with that one. You adapt when you have to, being somewhat frayed round the edges is perfectly livable with...

ModernToss Mon 13-Jun-16 16:40:06

I usually get a month or six weeks of the year when I'm completely alone in the house, and I treasure every second (to the point where I get resentful if someone comes to see me for a few hours). I would go completely mad without that, and the odd day or weekend here and there. Being in another room just doesn't cut it.

I totally get it.

civilfawlty Mon 13-Jun-16 16:42:02

Yes. Same here. I go up to bed early and just be. Drives me potty when DH come in early/ decides to abridge his TV to come up and be with me. I WANT TO BE ALOOOOOONE

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now