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AIBU for being cross at my DM for wanting to know where i was at 9.30am this morning?

(33 Posts)
blueskyinmarch Mon 13-Jun-16 10:16:10

I actually know i am BU but i am weary and she gave me the rage.

DH, DD2 and i were away at the weekend DPs had our dog. They love the dog and look after her gladly. Our flight home was due in just after 6 last night and we planned to go and collect the dog on the way home. However a combination of a flight delay then massive thunder storms meant we were massively delayed. Got a message to her that we would be very, very late and would she keep the dog. We would collect her the next day (toys). She said that would be fine. Eventually got home and into bed at past midnight.

This morning i slept later (no work) got up about 8ish, had a cup of tea/breakfast and went for a shower just after 9. I know my DP’s routine. They breakfast at 8.15 and walk the dog at 9. I thought i would call after my shower to make arrangements to collect the dog.

Got out of shower to find a message from DM on my mobile and on the house phone (this call woke DD2) wanting to know where we were and what was going on. Then got a text from DD1 (who lives 400 miles away) saying i was to phone gran!

When i called her (still damp and not dressed from the shower) she was all arsey with me saying ’ooh diddums’ about waking DD2 and me being in the shower. She knew we were going to be late why did she need to phone everyone at just after 9. Did she really think we would be on her doorstep (30 minutes drive away) at the crack of dawn after getting home late?

I know i am BU but i am TIRED and i am GRUMPY. I don’t need my DM leaving phone messages for m when i am still trying to wake myself up. And why call DD1? What would she know living 400 miles away!

Stillunexpected Mon 13-Jun-16 10:19:22

I think a quick call or text from you when you got up would have been in order. Maybe they wanted to go out?

blueskyinmarch Mon 13-Jun-16 10:22:34

If she had a mobile I would have text her. But she doesn't. I know her routine and know she would have had her breakfast and taken the dog out. Probably should have just called her. Was finding it hard to open my eyes never mind speak. I just think I am unbearably tired this morning. It's making me just generally unreasonable. Sigh. I need to go be nice to her now don't I?

Paintedhandprints Mon 13-Jun-16 10:46:49

Yep. She's doing you a favour looking after your dog. She may have had plans this morning.

Lovewineandchocs Mon 13-Jun-16 10:55:31

If she had plans this morning she should have said so last night in her text and asked you to collect the dog by a specified time. If she agreed to just collecting him today, YANBU as it sounds as if you would have collected the dog by about 10 anyway.

SaucyJack Mon 13-Jun-16 10:55:36

Yep, sorry.

File this one under "Suck it up sunshine" and arrange your face into a grateful expression when you go to pick the dog up smile

Queenbean Mon 13-Jun-16 10:57:54


They already did you a favour by keeping the dog the extra day. Why didn't you just text her when you woke up saying "just getting in the shower, then I'll be over to pick up the dog"?

BitOutOfPractice Mon 13-Jun-16 11:09:43

YABU but she is a bit as well. Go and pick the dog up and give her a hug and say thanks for having him and drink many many coffees

Hope you manage to feel more rested later thanks

NoahVale Mon 13-Jun-16 11:13:03

she sounds like my DM, <<bad tempered not a morning person>>

HeteronormativeHaybales Mon 13-Jun-16 11:14:29

You're too tired and grumpy to understand your dm's POV because you had what must be getting on for 8h sleep ('past midnight' to 8:00)? Wow.
I think your dm was cross because you appeared to be taking the extension of your parents' help for granted. And tbh, you were. Contacting them was a priority this morning, not an hour-long breakfast and a shower.

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece Mon 13-Jun-16 11:17:13

I do think she was unreasonable to call your daughter though, who may have started to worry needlessly that something had happened to her mum.
I think we get so used to sending quick messages to people that we forget it's harder when they only use a landline.

NoahVale Mon 13-Jun-16 11:18:16

no, she thought she would call after 9 due to her dm's routine.

take it on the chin op. they had your dog grin

JustHappy3 Mon 13-Jun-16 11:38:24

Yes yabu.
But you have my full sympathy.

TooMuchMNTime Mon 13-Jun-16 11:46:17

well I think YANBU at all

if she needed to know a set time last night, she should have said. Surely flight delay means it's obvious you will be tired etc.

EveryoneElsie Mon 13-Jun-16 11:51:30

YANBU. Its not difficult to see someone off a flight with a difficult journey home is going to be jet lagged and tired early the next morning.

You didnt create the problem. If it was going to be a big deal they should have said 'no' last night, not made a huge fuss this morning. And dragging the rest of the family in is pathetic.

littleducks Mon 13-Jun-16 11:56:00

Did you let them know you got home safe last night?

LaBelleOtero Mon 13-Jun-16 12:01:30

I have been a similar way before. If you're doing someone a favour and expect the favour to end at a certain time, it can be irritating to have it extended. I'd have tried to call before they had to walk her.

Take them something nice when you pick the dog up!

Pootles2010 Mon 13-Jun-16 12:03:12

If she's anything like mine, she will have started to worry. I'd take her some nice flowers to say thank you or something.

Nannawifeofbaldr Mon 13-Jun-16 12:10:12

YANBU however I notice that my own, very lovely DPs are increasingly unable to cope with uncertainty. They aren't very old and are not in any way 'doddery' but they like you to give them a plan and stick with it.

Mine wouldn't have called but they would have been annoyed that they didn't know what the plan was.

My PILs wouldn't have been annoyed but they would have turned up on your doorstep early with dog and possibly have invited themselves to lunch. smile

Neither set appear to manage verbal instructions well now so email is my friend.

It was annoying and unnecessary but let it go and pop off to your Mum's with a bunch of flowers.

Maybe gently mention that she worried DD1.

Damselindestress Mon 13-Jun-16 12:12:27

I think it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. Neither of you are awful, it's just a bit of a misunderstanding. You thought you were collecting the dog at a reasonable time. Your mother should have mentioned if she had plans the next day rather than getting so worked up early and ringing your DD who had nothing to do with it. You are probably feeling extra overwhelmed about this because of the stress with the flight delay. OTOH, she didn't know when you were picking the dog up and probably just panicked a bit. She was doing you a favour by looking after your dog. I would just try to smooth it over and move on.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Mon 13-Jun-16 12:17:43

she was all arsey with me saying ’ooh diddums’ about waking DD2 and me being in the shower.

Lol. grin

Beeziekn33ze Mon 13-Jun-16 12:29:47

LaBelle - yes, flowers or chocs or wine or whatever DM regards as an indulgence!

Beeziekn33ze Mon 13-Jun-16 12:32:39

OP I think dawn cracked well before 8 this morning, unless you're not on GMT

Toooldtobearsed Mon 13-Jun-16 12:36:12

Can see why she rang.

My family are great for saying 'we'll be over in the morning'. Well yes, but when?? I like to know what is happening, not anal at all are they coming at 10am, or closer to lunch time? Should i get the dogs walked early so i can be here, or hold back on the walk antil they have left?

I HATE loose arrangements, i would rather they just turned up on spec, rather than being wooly about when

brotherphil Mon 13-Jun-16 12:54:13

Fair enough to ring to find out what's going on, but no need to be arsey about it - I'd be a bit cold if DM did it to me.
Having said that, I tend not to go round, because SF does not "get" AS.

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