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AIBU to push my help

(7 Posts)
Costaflyby11 Mon 13-Jun-16 10:14:54

My DF is currently in hospital very poorly, I am friends with her partner too and they have a couple of young children, I have sent the usual 'if there's anything I can do let me know' message

I'm not super close friends with the partner but I know he doesn't have a lot of close friends and assume he is struggling mentally and logistically and would be reluctant to ask for help

A mutual friend suggested it might be a case of 'forcing' our help as he won't ask! The contact we have had so far is just to inform us of the illness and I have sent a couple of 'id be more than happy to help' messages that have been met with a simple thank you but no indication that they will be accepted

I'm torn between not wanting to pester him at this difficult time but also genuinely wanting to help and worrying he won't ask!

I wonder about sending a message along the lines of

'I am free on -insert day- if your DC would like to -insert activity- with us for a few hours?

How does that sound to people? If this is declined I sort of feel I will have pushed as far as I can and he is making it clear my help is not needed and I should back off? As much as I want to help I have to respect boundaries right? TIA

Oysterbabe Mon 13-Jun-16 10:18:59

I think the message you suggest sounds fine. If he declines back off. He may just want quiet time as a family.

Digestive28 Mon 13-Jun-16 10:19:52

I would send that message, it's lovely. Or maybe make up a couple of meals so they don't have to think about cooking? Make sure they are a)freezable and b)in containers that are disposable so they don't feel obliged to then return them and so less pressure.

FetchezLaVache Mon 13-Jun-16 10:21:19

I think it's always better to offer specific help rather than just general "if there's anything I can do...", because he might otherwise just think you're being polite. Make the offer, see what he says, gauge it from that.

DramaAlpaca Mon 13-Jun-16 10:24:27

Yes, I think a specific offer of help is the right way to go. Your suggested message sounds perfect, as does the suggestion ^^ of providing a couple of dinners in disposable containers.

Costaflyby11 Mon 13-Jun-16 10:29:04

Yes I was worried the 'let me know if you need help' sounds like a line and can sound a little disingenuous!


KamMum Mon 13-Jun-16 13:42:54

I think the specific help offer and a couple of prepared meals are a great idea. He prob does need help but wont ask.

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