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Sleeping arrangements

(75 Posts)
PrisonercellblockH Sun 12-Jun-16 22:56:53

Is it OK for a dad to sleep naked in the same bed as his 6yo DD on contact visits?

QOD Sun 12-Jun-16 22:57:43

Not really
For his own protection against accusations

TheseLittleEarthquakes Sun 12-Jun-16 22:58:02

What, naked naked? Or pants naked? Because I think pants is ok but who in their right mind would want their bare genitals anywhere near a child?

constantlycuntinglyconfused Sun 12-Jun-16 23:00:04

no. with pants, fine. naked no.

PrisonercellblockH Sun 12-Jun-16 23:00:53

Naked naked. She says she can see his bottom and she doesn't like it.

I don't get why he would.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 12-Jun-16 23:01:06


arethereanyleftatall Sun 12-Jun-16 23:04:15

I'm surprised by above responses. Dh sleeps naked in summer when it's hot so if either of our girls (7&5) join us (nightmares/woke up early etc) then we all sleep together naked. Never thought anything of it, in fact love a bit of skin to skin.
But is it different if it's not the resident father?

TheseLittleEarthquakes Sun 12-Jun-16 23:05:50

I thin that whatever anyone else thinks, the fact that she doesn't like it is key. He needs to stop.

MrsSpecter Sun 12-Jun-16 23:09:30

The child doesnt like it so it shouldnt be happening anymore. Speak to her father, he may not know she is uncomfortable with it.

HeddaGarbled Sun 12-Jun-16 23:12:31

If he likes to sleep naked, that's up to him. But a 6 year old needs her own bed.

PrisonercellblockH Mon 13-Jun-16 05:15:46

Well yes she does Hedda.

This is why I wanted opinions as people can have very different views and I'm not the most objective when it comes to him.

TheWitchesofIzalith Mon 13-Jun-16 05:21:08

No, because it's not appropriate (but wearing just pants is ok)
And no, because she doesn't like it.
Yes a child needs her own bed but obviously she will want to snuggle in with Dad sometimes and nothing wrong with that. If he's got some pants on.

Jenny70 Mon 13-Jun-16 05:27:34

Does she have her own bed, but goes to his when she wakes? Or is this the only sleeping arrangement for her on contact nights?

If she has her own space, then perhaps it's fair for him to sleep how he wants, and if she comes into bed for whatever reason, then not necessarily fair for him to have to get some PJ's etc.

If she has no option but to sleep in that bed, and him being naked makes her feel uncomfortable, then it is a problem. She needs her own space, almost regardless of the naked/pants situation.

SeriousSteve Mon 13-Jun-16 05:47:41

I sleep naked, when my DSS and DD were youngsters and came to our bed, DM would cuddle them whilst I slipped on some shorts/bottoms.

Ratty667 Mon 13-Jun-16 05:56:00

We sleep naked, if the children join us in the mornings we don't get dressed.
We often wander around naked, shower with the door open, all normal here.

Not clear if she has her own bed ( she should have) but otherwise I think it's fine. However if she is not comfortable, she should tell him. ( why is she uncomfortable?)

Inertia Mon 13-Jun-16 05:56:10

She needs her own bed. As a child has expressed concern over sleeping in the same bed as a naked adult, the situation needs to change.

PrisonercellblockH Mon 13-Jun-16 06:09:48

She doesn't have her own bed. Hopefully that's only temporary but for now that's it.

She's not comfortable with nakedness generally which is not great (she seems young to be so aware of it).

I have to pick my battles with XP and not sure if this is one or not.

PrisonercellblockH Mon 13-Jun-16 06:13:37

Ratty, it isn't being seen naked that's the problem it's the proximity whilst asleep.

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond Mon 13-Jun-16 06:23:17

She doesn't like it. So it's not ok. Why doesn't she have a bed of her own? It's a pretty basic thing. A mattress on the floor would be fine if it's a cost issue.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 13-Jun-16 06:40:41

I say no.
DS1 sometimes sleeps in with DH (I co-sleep with DS2 elsewhere still) and DH always puts sleep shorts on when he does, otherwise DH sleeps naked. DS1 is 8 now, but DH has always done this whenever DS1 sleeps in with him.

But more to the point, if your DD doesn't like it then he shouldn't do it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 13-Jun-16 06:51:00

Forcing a child to sleep in the same bed as a naked parent when they don't like it seems inappropriate. He needs to get her a bed and until he's done that he needs some pants.

timelytess Mon 13-Jun-16 06:57:19

Personally, I'd stop overnight contact under these circumstances.
Dd was 4 when her father and I split up. He liked to have her in the bathroom to talk to whilst he took a leisurely bath (any pair of ears would do, and this was his idea of how to spend access visits, his bath and his haircut). She wasn't happy. I told him that as a non-resident parent he couldn't be around her naked, the nature of the relationship has changed.

WellErrr Mon 13-Jun-16 06:59:20

It's incredibly inappropriate.

HoggleHoggle Mon 13-Jun-16 07:01:03

I would definitely pick this as a battle I'm afraid. A young child being unhappy sharing a bed with a naked person, even their parent, shouldn't have to put up with it. It really could affect them.

As a separate point can one of them not sleep on an air bed/sofa to allow them both some privacy?

Westfacing Mon 13-Jun-16 07:06:48

As others have said, the child doesn't like it so he should stop.

DS2, now an adult, used to sneak into our bed occasionally during the night up to the age of around 5/6. Husband said he shouldn't sleep between us but next to me - the reason for this was like a lot of men he had erections during the night and once woke up to find himself hard, up against DS, and felt really bad about it.

She needs a bed/mattress on the floor to herself.

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