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Feeling out of my depth

(18 Posts)
Adnerb95 Sun 12-Jun-16 19:09:08

DH and I run our own business, professional role and run a team of fellow professionals. I can't go into too much of the nitty-gritty but after many years of slog and hard work and not really earning a great deal, we have a chance of seeing the whole thing take off on another level which would, if all goes to plan, mean paying off our astronomical mortgage and actually being able to look forward to a reasonably comfortable (not rich!) retirement.
Family (both DSs) and friends are involved in the business with us and their futures depend to a certain extent on this whole change taking place. DH is very sanguine about the whole thing - oh yes, this is exciting, of course it's going to work, etc etc.
I am usually pretty laid back, not afraid of risky decisions or anxious but I have to confess to feeling completely out of my depth. Although I have always been someone who others see as successful, capable, etc. I am just thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Worrying about all the people whose mortgages and families rely on us and how we handle this whole situation.

As it is commercially sensitive - a lot of friends and family are also clients of the business - there are a very limited number of people who I can share this with. So looking for some wisdom - anyone else been in a similar situation?

LineyReborn Sun 12-Jun-16 19:14:46

So is it fear of failure? Or fear of success? I get really anxious about all sorts of ventures and I struggle to understand where the fear lies sometimes.

Adnerb95 Sun 12-Jun-16 19:30:13

Good question Liney
I think primarily fear of messing it up somehow, but also there may be a little bit of me that doesn't think I "deserve" the success? Also, we've spent so long where it has been a struggle, maybe I don't know how to deal with anything else!

LineyReborn Sun 12-Jun-16 19:34:03

Yeah, I get that too. Bloody infuriating! As in, I infuriate myself. I think I got a lot of unnecessary criticism about trivia as a child, and it seeded itself into the later big stuff.

LineyReborn Sun 12-Jun-16 19:38:55

Although a practical note, have you seen, contributed to and approved the business plan?

CaptainCrunch Sun 12-Jun-16 19:42:11

I think I sort of understand op. We struggled for years, always in debt blah blah. Last year dh took voluntary severance, got a really good package and landed another job soon after so it all worked out brilliant but in the lead up to it I was in quite a state of anxiety and couldn't imagine pulling it off. Was convinced it was all going to go Pete tong.

LineyReborn Sun 12-Jun-16 19:44:59

I could imagine starting an Anticipating Pete Tong Club.

CaptainCrunch Sun 12-Jun-16 19:46:14

Hahaha, me too Liney.

Adnerb95 Sun 12-Jun-16 19:46:24

liney yes, business plan all done (mainly by me) and most of the practical bases covered but just imagining all the things we haven't thought of that could pop up and spoil it all! Just hate the thought that so many people's futures are down to us, I guess.
captain good to know I'm not the only one!

LineyReborn Sun 12-Jun-16 22:18:32

You might feel better if you ensure that everyone takes ownership of the business plan. I don't think it will go tits up - it sounds organised and resourced - but if it does, you need to be a team not a bunch of recriminators.

Do you any contingency plans?

topcat2014 Sun 12-Jun-16 22:23:32

As a business grows, you need to learn to work ON the business, rather than IN the business - so that means delegation, and not sweating all the small stuff.

This is hard, as you will have started with a high level of perfectionism, and the belief that no one can do anything as well as you can.

The thing is, it has been proven that trying to hold on to everything yourself actually holds things back.

You need to think about how you will react to letting go of the reins a bit - and end up with 80% of a larger pie rather than 100% of a small one.

Good luck.

Adnerb95 Mon 13-Jun-16 00:36:23

You're right about ownership - we are working hard on everyone buying into the plan!

Just a bit overwhelmed at the mo. Sometimes the process of letting go just takes so much more time and energy than you ever expect!

Thanks for the good wishes!

7DaysAWeekWorker Mon 13-Jun-16 12:36:29

Feel the fear and do it anyway?

LineyReborn Mon 13-Jun-16 16:41:14

Well, OP, you inspired me to embrace a bit of my fear today so I have done the initial online tutorials in building a decent website (I was going to pay someone) and I feel rather liberated.

So thank you.

SerialGoogler Mon 13-Jun-16 16:48:34

I think you have to ask yourself the opposite: what if you don't go through with the change, through your own choice. How would you feel? Relieved? Cheated? Often by imagining the decision made for us our feelings make it clear what we want deep down.

Adnerb95 Mon 13-Jun-16 18:17:25

Good for you Liney and good point Serial - will consider that one!

LineyReborn Mon 13-Jun-16 22:58:55

It is a good point that Serial had made - how will you feel if you don't throw yourself into this?

Adnerb95 Tue 14-Jun-16 20:47:16

I don't have any doubts I would regret not pursuing this change but just feel that I'm not up to it, sometimes. It's an emotional response really and I'm not usually an emotional person. I guess it is the process that daunts me. We will have to deal with a lot of legal stuff, which is not my favourite pastime! I like dealing with people and working on the basis of relationships and trust and this is a situation where I will have to look at the fine print to make sure we are not shafted.

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