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AIBU to correct my cockney husband?!

(199 Posts)
user1465725037 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:06:30

My husband is probably what you would describe as an 'East London cockney!' We have two young children. He will often say 'done' instead of 'did'. For example, 'I done the washing yesterday'. Kids have started to repeat this now. Whenever he says it now I am correcting him, no big deal, just saying 'did' when he says done. He is not taking it well and is getting really cross with me. Equally I am getting really cross with him when he says it as I now don't feel like I can say anything to him about it without having my head bitten off. I do appreciate that I am probably totally annoying him but I don't think it is fair on the children that they are getting confused over the English language because of him. So, AIBU? Maybe I should forget about correcting him and just focus on correcting the kids when they get it wrong? When I've read up on this though the advice seems to be that we should model the correct use of language to our kids rather than 'correcting' them. Any helpful advice would be appreciated! Thank you

EatShitDerek Sun 12-Jun-16 11:09:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Euphemia Sun 12-Jun-16 11:10:15

He's not wrong, he's speaking in dialect. Your children will learn standard English grammar at school.

Oysterbabe Sun 12-Jun-16 11:11:14

I would correct the children but not DH.

user1465725037 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:11:17

Okay, thank you both. It seems like I might have lost some perspective on this one! I appreciate your replies

EveryoneElsie Sun 12-Jun-16 11:12:45

Let it go. When you kids go to school they will talk in the same way as the kids around them.
Dont use online science artlcles or your kids to back you up. If you prefer your partner to talk a certain way then say so.
Be clear its becuase its what you prefer.

user1465725037 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:14:44

Thanks EveryoneElsie. I didn't bother me pre kids. But now they are here it does.

Griphook Sun 12-Jun-16 11:16:31

The other day Someone asked me how old I was, I asked her back she said 28, I said aww tweny eigt, so dropping my t's and h's, she said no twenty eight. I also most told her to fuck off.

blimeyalldecentnamesaregone Sun 12-Jun-16 11:19:48

He's not wrong, he's speaking in dialect.

Actually he is grammatically wrong.

OP, it would bother me too. Although it is unfair that you have now started picking at him for it when you clearly didn't mind before.

I would just correct the kids though, for the sake of your relationship.

blimeyalldecentnamesaregone Sun 12-Jun-16 11:20:46

Yes that was exceeding rude of her griphook shock

Avebury Sun 12-Jun-16 11:24:24

I also think you need to keep correcting. Speaking in dialect is one thing but technically it is grammatically wrong which makes it harder for the children to learn instinctively when it comes to written English in school and 'I done' instead of 'I did' will be marked wrong.

KissMyArse Sun 12-Jun-16 11:24:26

It's the way he has spoken all his life so it's a bit much to expect him to change now.

I agree re: correcting the children but not a grown adult especially as it didn't bother you before. It's rude and patronising.

BranTriLlygaid Sun 12-Jun-16 11:25:01

My partner and I have the north/south divided issue (bath/grass/glass etc), and we usually just tease each other. As you though, he can go a bit 'cockney', the one that grates the most is saying 'me' instead of 'my'. I think it would irritate me if our children picked it up as well. I have to stop saying 'at the end of the day' as well, we all have annoying language behaviours!

MrsSpecter Sun 12-Jun-16 11:25:24

How do you drop the 'h' in eight? confused it doesnt get pronounced anyway!

NicknameUsed Sun 12-Jun-16 11:26:55

"I would correct the children but not DH."

This ^^. I used to correct DD when she said haitch instead of aitch. she said "but the teacher says haitch". I replied that it was local dialect, but incorrect.

Lottielou7 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:29:17

I think YABU - if I were him I would feel undermined. You need to accept him the way he is.

HamaTime Sun 12-Jun-16 11:30:49

I've got a strong accent. I tone it down at work and use English words so I can be understood but I'll speak how the fuck I like in my own home. I'd tell you to fuck right off.

peachpudding Sun 12-Jun-16 11:30:52

You married the guy so you gotta put up with it. If you keep correcting your children you are depriving them of half their parents heritage and putting him down every time you do it. So I would stop being so anal about it.

user1465725037 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:31:47

Bran - he says 'me' instead of 'my' too! Arrrggghhhh!

Okay, I will stop correcting him.

Kiss - I agree, it is rude and patronising. So incredibly frustrating though!

Finola1step Sun 12-Jun-16 11:32:52

My dh went to a very well regarded private school. I went to one of the worst state secondary schools in the country.

With regards to grammar, I am self taught. I have a sound knowledge and as I am a teacher, I mark the Year 6 GPS test.

I grew up in a very working class, south (saarf) London home. I am perfectly able to modify my spoken and written language to suit the situation. In an informal situation, I often slip into saarf Lundin lingo. It is a part of my heritage. If my dh dared to pick me up on it...

Model for the children by all means but you married a Cockney. Someone who has been brought up with a wonderfully expressive and creative take on the English language. So unless you want to moan the heritage out of the man, in the nicest possible saarf Lundin way, shut yer cakehole.

BreakerofChains Sun 12-Jun-16 11:33:23

If I were him I'd tell you to fuck off too, it's the way he's spoken all his life and you knew how he spoke before you married him.

user1465725037 Sun 12-Jun-16 11:34:29

Ha ha Finola! Shutting the cakehole

ImperialBlether Sun 12-Jun-16 11:34:35

How can you drop an 'h' in eight?

Seryph Sun 12-Jun-16 11:34:41

YABVU and offensive.
He may not be using standard English, but that does not give you the right to correct a fully grown adult's speech patterns.

My OH is Northern and I have a very weird Southern accent (somewhere between Kentish, Estuary, and Near RP), we do bicker (playfully) about how to pronounce "bath" and when I say things like "the cats need fed". But if he ever corrected me in seriousness, I would be pissed off. I have a MA in English Language, of course I know standard English, but I don't have to use it in my speech at home.

Give your DH some respect, correct the kids.

TooMuchMNTime Sun 12-Jun-16 11:35:11

Bit confused by "East London cockney"
They are East London by definition!

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