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To think that it's out of order to touch someone whilst they're sleeping?

(96 Posts)
MrsPilkington Sat 11-Jun-16 18:28:56

A few mornings ago I woke up with my oh inside me. His penis obviously. Not his entire self. This morning I woke up to his hand swooshing around in my nether regions.

I am not to most pleasant person in the morning and barked at him "you know, I think that's considered sexual assault, when you intimately touch someone without their permission"

He looked a little taken aback. But I was pretty angry with him. I think it's pretty damn unreasonable. We have a great sex life, neither of us are deprived, then he does things like this and I think you arse hole I've told him before it really weirds me out to be touched while I'm asleep but he loves being woken up in this way and therefore thinks I do too. So aibu or....? I can't even find an or? Is it his manly right to have full time access to my body whenever he fancies?! shock he's a good man. He's wonderful. But waking up to this every week or two makes me want to club him with my side lamp. Hoping the sexual assault comment wasn't ott but will make him see how bloody ick it makes me feel

AYD2MITalkTalk Sat 11-Jun-16 18:29:52

Yes, assault.

NursedOut Sat 11-Jun-16 18:30:03

No it's rape and sexual assault. My ex DP did it.

hownottofuckup Sat 11-Jun-16 18:31:15

Sexual assault comment was not out, it was factually correct.
Having sex without your consent, we all know what that is.

hownottofuckup Sat 11-Jun-16 18:31:34


Pinkheart5915 Sat 11-Jun-16 18:31:40

Absolutely out of order, surely it's classed as sexual assault if somebody is asleep & can't consent.
I would of been angry too! He does not have access to your body when ever he wants angry

IMO this shows a lack of respect for you.

Rosae Sat 11-Jun-16 18:31:42

It wasn't ott. It is rape. Waking someone with kisses that lead to more when they wake is one thing but getting to p in v before is just wrong! What if you woke with a stinking cold and didn't feel like it. He's totally taking away any chance to consent.

DoreenLethal Sat 11-Jun-16 18:33:26

He is not a good man. He is a rapist.

gamerchick Sat 11-Jun-16 18:35:52

It is ^^ it needs spelling out that he's raping and assaulting you if he's that thick.

The fact you've told him to stop and he's still doing it is bad man.

DetestableHerytike Sat 11-Jun-16 18:37:20

I am very sorry that your husband has raped and sexually assaulted you.

I am very sorry that he thinks his opinions are important and yours meaningless, given that he seems to be doing this because he would like it, despite you having told him that you don't.

Does he abuse and disregard you on other things?

Chargerzz Sat 11-Jun-16 18:38:44

Feel weird saying this after all the comments but I actually love it when DP does this to me...but he KNOWS that so I guess it's completely different to your situation. Doing anything sexually you don't want to do is just wrong.

MrsPilkington Sat 11-Jun-16 18:40:57

Mmm. I don't think it's as black and white as that. He is a good man. I've been in abusive relationships. He isn't abusive. He's pig headed and thinks he knows best a lot of the time. He says "some times you like it" Mmm. Sometimes but that's more groping and grinding wake ups blush I do think he might actually be that thick. He often needs things spelling out

wtfisgoingonhere Sat 11-Jun-16 18:41:33

What the fuck?! From the title I was expecting you were woken with kisses, or a bit of a fondle, but bloody hell that is not ok
As others have said definitely sexual assault/rape, and all the more worrying you've told him you don't appreciate it and he continues anyway

DetestableHerytike Sat 11-Jun-16 18:41:42

Yes, that's different Charger because you have consented!

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 11-Jun-16 18:42:50

It's rape.

He put his penis inside you without your consent. He might your husband but he is still a rapist.

Please don't make excuses for his disgusting behaviour angry sad

MrsPilkington Sat 11-Jun-16 18:43:04

Don't feel weird chargerzz, I think part of the problem with him is we have a very......I can't think of the right word......ok. We do some weird shit. We love kink and all sorts of rough and pain. Maybe that's why he struggled to see why something so "tame" bothers me so much.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sat 11-Jun-16 18:44:42

He isn't abusive. He's pig headed and thinks he knows best a lot of the time

He thinks he knows best about whether you want sex that you've already told him you don't want. He deliberately ignored your explicit refusal of consent to sex because he thinks he knows better than you whether you want sex

Of course he's fucking abusive.

DonkeyOaty Sat 11-Jun-16 18:44:49

Penetrating you when you cannot give consent is not the action of a good man

Depriving you of sleep by grinding his groin into you is not the action of a good man

Putting his fingers inside your body when you are asleep is not the action of a good man

I am so sorry

Alasalas2 Sat 11-Jun-16 18:45:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sat 11-Jun-16 18:46:26

The fact that you are into kink and pain makes this even more worrying. Kink is predicated on Safe, Sane and CONSENSUAL and he doesn't understand the meaning of consent does he? Does he push your boundaries in other types of sex? Do things you don't want because he knows best?

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 11-Jun-16 18:47:21

OP, liking painful sex and "kink" is fine, but it's consensual!

Can you really not see the difference? Consensual S&M is fine and dandy, but all non-consensual penetration is rape, no matter what else you like to enjoy in the bedroom.

donajimena Sat 11-Jun-16 18:48:56

I'm kinda with you chargerzz
But, but but.. this was talked about prior blush
Absolutely not ok otherwise.

DetestableHerytike Sat 11-Jun-16 18:49:20

"He's pig headed and thinks he knows best a lot of the time"

He's not allowed to think he knows best about your body.

If you are happy to be woken up by neck kisses or whatever, he can do that. Not things he wants to do on you.

MrsPilkington Sat 11-Jun-16 18:49:23

He claims he was also asleep on the penis morning. Tbf to him he looked pretty shocked, and I did indeed give him a rant about getting me up the duff again because just no. No more babies.

DetestableHerytike Sat 11-Jun-16 18:50:33

..that you've said are not ob

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