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To give up with my mum?

(9 Posts)
Idontlikestampy Sat 11-Jun-16 13:19:32

I need a rant.

To put it simply I never had a great childhood, I don't really know why my parents had me. Although I was clean and fed I was mostly just in their way. We never did anything nice as a family, no holidays, no days out, nothing. My dad has always drank too much and gets nasty and mum just panders to him.

In spite of all that my mum is quite a kind person, she's not spiteful or critical of me quite the opposite, but she has never wanted to spend any time with me. No mother daughter shopping trips, no going for coffee, no going for a walk she just doesn't want to.

She doesn't work and hasn't for 20 years (she's only ever worked part time) but every time I ask her to do anything she says she is busy. She never, ever visits me. She's seen my baby ds2 maybe 3-4 times briefly and he's one now. She never phones me for a chat, when I ring her she says she's sorry she hasn't been in touch but that she's been so busy with her hobbies and seeing her friends but she will make more effort next week once she's done X, y and z.

She manages to see her friends and my grandmother several times a week. I only live 10 minutes drive away from her.

She wasn't always quite this bad. She was close to my eldest for a while and loved looking after him. She was always a bit non committal and she'd always have him in her own house, but once I had ds2 she completely stopped bothering.

I asked her if she'd look after the dc for a couple of hours, we aren't desperate for a babysitter as we have other options but I thought that she might be glad to see them but she said that she can't but gives the most ridiculous excuses.

It's so hurtful I actually feel rejected.

Idontlikestampy Sat 11-Jun-16 13:23:31

Fwiw I think she's the same with my siblings in fact I think she's worse and hasn't even bothered sending their dc birthday presents and cards. She has at least sent mine presents albeit weeks late.

I don't think my dad is stopping her because she does lots of other things with her friends.

Birdsgottafly Sat 11-Jun-16 13:27:43

Some people make crap parents.

You've got to accept them for what they are, they're never going to be what they should be, or even come close to what you would want.

Just keep reminding yourself that it's them, not you.

KindDogsTail Sat 11-Jun-16 14:02:35

This is sad for you idontlikestampy but it seems that is what she is like and nothing will change her.

The only thing you can do is get on with your own life, have interests and try to develop relationships with friends.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Sat 11-Jun-16 14:10:27

You have my utmost empathy and sympathy. My mother is the same, only she definitely favours my sister and tells everyone how close we all are.

I know how badly it hurts, and it's so incredibly hard to let go of the mother you wish you had.

But honestly, once you do, you'll feel better about yourself and the good relationships you have. Because you'll have made them with other people who do genuinely care about you.


MrsJayy Sat 11-Jun-16 14:13:55

My mum is like this with me my dds are adults now and she was never that interested in doing anything tbf she was working when they were children I dont know why she is like that she just is you just have to accept it make an effort to visit if thats what you want lower your expectations of her it is upsetting though.

MrsJayy Sat 11-Jun-16 14:16:03

Mum and my sister do the mother and daughter thing that annoyed me for years I had to let it go was really upsetting me

coco1810 Sat 11-Jun-16 16:09:58

My mom and sister have the mother/daughter thing. Not going to lie it hurts like hell. Now I just concentrate on my DC having the mother/child relationship that I always wanted. Have mentally made the promise to be there when both my DC become children.

coco1810 Sat 11-Jun-16 16:10:34

* DC become parents, even blush

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