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to give up on this friend

(10 Posts)
sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 11-Jun-16 12:58:33

Friend I've known several years. We get on well and talk most days. Thing is she won't entertain the idea of leaving her nearly two year old with her husband on the weekend for an evening or even lunch out. She says she can't trust him but maybe he wont allow it as he has stopped her doing things in the past.
She will meet in the week but sometimes I want to do an evening and have adult time a few drinks etc rather than a weekday afternoon which really restricts me in terms of having the kids with me. AIBU to just stop asking her to do things and move on? We rarely ever see each other now and it's not for the lack of me trying

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 11-Jun-16 13:05:29

Yeah. Just stop doing things because she isn't around at times you'd prefer hmm

I mean the fact she seems to live with an abusive wanker who stops her doing things means doesn't need to be your problem does it?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 11-Jun-16 13:10:22

I've always let her know I'm around if she needs me and that his behaviour is not normal in a loving relationship and if she wants to talk about anything I will listen with a non judgemental ear. But it's getting to the point now where any arrangements made are always broken and I make plans with childcare for instance and end up sat doing jack shit and missing out myself. Yes I know that sounds selfish but I work and want to enjoy my time off without being let down constantly.
She has cancelled the last few arrangement she herself has made in the week and it's getting wearing especially when the kids have been invited along then I have to tell them sorry we aren't actually going now

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 11-Jun-16 13:15:02

Can you be a friend in other ways? Ones that don't involve messing you around and inconveniencing you and others?

Perhaps for now just being available and making regular contact by phone/text/Facebook or whatever would be enough?

So don't give up on her (because at some point she will really need you if she is in abusive relationship) but don't put yourself out any more.

branofthemist Sat 11-Jun-16 13:19:17

Can't you make other friends who are available at these times?

I find it odd to give up on her based what you have said. But if you want to do those things, do them with other people

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 11-Jun-16 13:24:37

I know I don't mean give up on her altogether just as in making arrangements maybe my title is misleading

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 11-Jun-16 13:25:15

I speak to her via text and Facebook most days

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 11-Jun-16 13:36:15

Fair enough. I'd give up making arrangements too if she just cancels.

I'd not be so understanding though if it wasn't for the godawful relationship she's in.

marblestatue Sat 11-Jun-16 16:08:11

Did you know her before she was in this relationship?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Sat 11-Jun-16 22:39:13

No she's been with him since her teens. She's told me of various incidents of emotional blackmail and manipulation

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