WIBU to just leave ds to it?(6 Posts)
So its Saturday morning and again I’m struggling to get my ds to do anything other than play on his xbox. This will continue throughout the weekend and applies at half term and will do throughout the summer. Frankly I’m dreading it. It is the same whenever he isn’t at school or football, which is only twice a week. Now I know the obvious answer seems to be ‘turn it off’ etc, and I do, but my AIBU is this… given the bad moods and unpleasantness that ensues, combined with the genuine loss at what else to do, would IBU to just leave him to it?
He’s just 13, clever, sensitive, not very confident. He has a couple of friends but if they’re busy he’s not confident to organise anything to do. He won’t try anything new (confidence) as he’ll be rubbish at it and everyone will laugh apparently. He has, in the past, been encouraged/forced to do (with us): swimming club/lifeguarding/basketball/cubs/scouts/kayaking - he won’t go to commuting club or similar as its for nerds - but all my attempts now just make him feel worse as 1) he genuinely doesn’t want to try new things and 2) he feels guilty because he can see we’re trying to get him out and he’s not up for it. My aim in all this is to help him to be happier - he tends towards an (inherited from dh) pessimistic personality - and tbh he is happiest when left in front of the xbox shouting and laughing with his friends online. Its not that I don’t understand it, its just that my natural instinct to try and get him out but its an increasing struggle.
Is this why parenting gets so much harder? I know you have to parent the child you have, not the one you would like, but what if the one you have is a lazy little bugger without a huge amount of confidence who you don’t want to ale worse by constantly nagging???
Apologies for the length of this. I’d appreciate any comments
Could you not try and compromise with him? Maybe tell him he has to do something that's not Xbox and if he does he can have the same amount of time nag free on the Xbox?
My son is 11 but is similar to yours. Some kids love sport and social activities but some don't. My son is sweet, very sensitive, we'll behaved & knows his own mind. Hates football, won't ride a bike. He loves gaming. I have no problem with this. I'm not going to make him do things he doesn't enjoy just because society tells me it's what he should be doing. My nephew was the same. He's now 19 at university studying history and hardly games at all now. People fear change and what they don't understand. As long as he is doing his best at school and is well behaved at home, what's the problem?
You can't give in because of bad moods. Decide how much Xbox is ok. He has it for that time then it goes off.
He doesn't have to do clubs but he can't just Xbox all day and night. It's unhealthy.
Can you find something to do online such as learn a piece of software? If he has any interest in art or photography, he could use a camera and Photoshop.
What about encouraging him to invite some friends over to play Xbox with him instead of just talking to them online? Offer to order in some pizza/get snacks etc and at least then its an activity rather than him holing himself away.
That's a bit more social and it could be that if the others get bored gaming and decide they want to go outside for a bit and hang out/ do whatever they do, that he'll be happy to tag along because its coming from them and not a parent.
I don't think YABU to leave him to it- to me, gaming is no different to any other interest. He gets out to school and is active at football etc so I don't see the problem. I was a total bookworm at that age and would hide in my room for hours just reading, didn't socialise or do many family things either. Some people just don't like to be in constant company.
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