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To think DD should buy her own clothes?

(174 Posts)
realhousewifeoffitzrovia Sat 11-Jun-16 10:54:41

My DD, 15, currently wears a uniform to school. The girls were told about six months ago that they no longer needed to wear a uniform beginning in Year 11 (this September). In terms of pocket money, we agreed two years ago on an amount that we would pay her every month that would cover all her costs - phone, clothes, Oyster card, hair cuts and spending money. She also has a weekly tutoring job that pays £10 an hour, but because she has had exams recently, she has been swamped with work and was unable to go until now.
Like any teenager, she has many clothes but as her style is frequently changing, she is attempting to sell her old clothes, which she says is difficult. She also says there is pressure in her school to have a "unique" style (not designer, more funky) . She has just suggested that I should take her out shopping and buy her a few staple items for next year that she can wear throughout. In my view, this is exactly what she agreed to be responsible for when we agreed her monthly budget. She thinks I am being quite unfair. What do you think?

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Sat 11-Jun-16 10:58:36

Could you give her any money you would have spent on uniform?

thedogstinks Sat 11-Jun-16 11:00:09

if the items are for next year, she has time to save up for them, no? With pocket money, etc?

Bananasandchocolatecustard Sat 11-Jun-16 11:00:32

Your agreement two years ago did not take into account your daughter buying all her clothes as she wore a school uniform.
Why don't you give her a "one off" amount that you think is reasonable so she can buy a set of clothes to wear to school? After this she can then fund her clothes from her monthly allowance.
Don't forget how important clothes/appearances are to teenagers. By giving her this money you are starting her off, and taking away the money worries for her.

AndNowItsSeven Sat 11-Jun-16 11:02:11

Yabu ,clothes in lieu of uniform should be paid with your budget.
How much monthly do you give her?

monkeywithacowface Sat 11-Jun-16 11:03:29

I would give her what you would have had to spend on uniform as a one off

realhousewifeoffitzrovia Sat 11-Jun-16 11:06:29

She is sitting next to me with a big smile on her face as she reads these posts! She would agree with me that her monthly budget is fair. For me, it really is the principle of the thing. She agreed to get a high amount of money every month on the understanding that she would be responsible for everything. It is true that we didn't discuss the "own clothes" concept but in my view, she had six months, and plenty of time and opportunity to make money, to buy whatever she wants. I was sure everyone would agree that she is BU but I'm interested that this is not universally the case!

timelytess Sat 11-Jun-16 11:08:20

I'm late, but with everyone else. Anything you would have spent on uniform should be handed over, as the clothes she is buying for school take the place of uniform.

And a bit extra. Because that's nice.

MyKingdomForBrie Sat 11-Jun-16 11:09:11

Did she pay for her uniform though? If not, just give her what that would normally cost. She will need more 'normal' clothes now she has to wear them for school.

happypoobum Sat 11-Jun-16 11:09:29

I don't think we can comment without knowing the amount. I give DS15 £40 a month but I also buy his clothes as that just wouldn't cover everything.

Big difference in responses if you are giving her £40 a month or £200 a month...............

BigGreenOlives Sat 11-Jun-16 11:10:24

She sounds very responsible; she's found a job which pays very well for her age but cut back her hours so she can do well in her exams & improve her employability as an adult, she hasn't asked for an increase every month & you don't state whether her allowance has gone up. Unless she was the same size at 13 as now she has probably stopped being able to wear VAT free children's clothes. I think you should be pleased with how well you've brought her up.

AnecdotalEvidence Sat 11-Jun-16 11:10:47

I think it depends on how much her allowance is. Is it enough for her to cover the extra clothes she will need?

GinIsIn Sat 11-Jun-16 11:11:06

You are definitely BU - sorry. Her need for clothes has gone from 2 days a week, which she had agreed to fund herself, and presumably does, to 7 days a week - why on earth would you not be buying her some? You'd buy her uniform, wouldn't you? You say she could work extra to earn the money for them. Well, yes, she could, but if she has to earn 3x more than she did to clothe herself for two days a week, isn't her school work going to suffer? She's still a child, after all.

Patterkiller Sat 11-Jun-16 11:11:19

I would give her the money you would have spent on her uniform.

PrincessHairyMclary Sat 11-Jun-16 11:11:54

I would take her shopping with what I normally budget for as 'uniform' money and buy her the equivalent to what I would have brought in school wear so 3 pairs of chinos / jeans instead of school trousers etc and make sure they were weather appropriate. if they aren't fashionable for her then she can buy it out of her own money.

GoblinLittleOwl Sat 11-Jun-16 11:12:11

I think you should give her the money you would pay for school shoes, coat, blazer and skirt, but ensure that it is spent on something substantial for day to day wear.

Gruach Sat 11-Jun-16 11:12:34

According to your agreement with her school clothes - uniform or not - are definitely something you should be paying for!

If she has asked you to go shopping with her then do that. At least you can ensure that the school clothes are reasonably hardwearing.

alltouchedout Sat 11-Jun-16 11:12:41

Fair would, I think, be you giving her what you would normally have spent on uniform. It's rather small minded to say "but she had six months to prepare", isn't it?

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 11-Jun-16 11:13:36

She budget was decided when you were buying uniform, now you are not.

you need to reasses the budget.

Ofcourse if your income has decreased it could go either way

antimatter Sat 11-Jun-16 11:13:48

I did exactly what your DD is asking for.
Shoes and school clothes are on me. And got her a school bag too.
My DD cuts her hair rarely so I also pay for it as it has to take into account her unruly hair.

Everything else (including school tights) she pays from pocket money she gets from me.
It is surprising how far £50 a month can go and she loves the fact that she's learned to manage her many this way when she is now planning on her Uni from September smile.

I also paid for stuff for her Birthday sleepovers at home. She gets birthday and Christmas money which I think make big difference for her.

PlaymobilPirate Sat 11-Jun-16 11:14:17

How much do you give her a month?

realhousewifeoffitzrovia Sat 11-Jun-16 11:14:21

It's interesting re the uniform - a year after we started this arrangement, she said she wanted a different style of school skirt. She had other wearable school skirts, so I said she needed to pay for it herself and she did. In fairness, she hasn't asked me to buy any school uniform gear since then because she either wore what she already had or paid herself for a version she liked.

StarlingMurmuration Sat 11-Jun-16 11:14:22

I agree with everyone else - she should get at least the money you'd usually spend on her uniform.

madein1995 Sat 11-Jun-16 11:15:39

I think it's only fair you give her the money,or at least half, you currently spend on her uniform for next year's clothes. The agreement you made was you'd pay for school clothes, it doesn't matter if that's uniform or not. You really shouldn't use this an excuse to stop buying her school clothes OP.

hownottofuckup Sat 11-Jun-16 11:15:53

I agree with PP's, I'd give her the usual uniform budget to buy the staples.

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