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To not take my daughter?

(57 Posts)
PirateFairy45 Sat 11-Jun-16 08:42:16

Ok, my grandpa passed away 8 days ago and today is the first day we can visit in the funeral directors place.

My daughter is 3.5 years old and I am very conflicted. I'm unsure if I should take her to see him.

I want to do the right thing but my gut tells me I shouldn't but my brain is telling me I should do.

If I'm going, I'll be going at 10am so need advice ASAP.

What would you do?

Afreshstartplease Sat 11-Jun-16 08:43:16

I wouldn't not at all

Littleelffriend Sat 11-Jun-16 08:43:27

Definitely not

PurpleDaisies Sat 11-Jun-16 08:43:35

Don't. Let her remember her grandfather as he was.

ApostrophesMatter Sat 11-Jun-16 08:44:17


EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Sat 11-Jun-16 08:45:25

I wouldn't either. And flowersflowersflowers for your loss.

Oysterbabe Sat 11-Jun-16 08:46:00

No way!

PirateFairy45 Sat 11-Jun-16 08:46:05

Bloody hell, that was quick.

Thanks for the advice, my head is all over at the moment and I'm so conflicted about everything.

I honestly don't even know if I can cope seeing him at the moment.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan Sat 11-Jun-16 08:46:28

I would not take my 3.5 yo dd. I would take her somewhere she used to go with grandad and have a talk about happy memories. Let her remember her great grandad as she knew him. I'm sorry for your loss flowers

dylsmimi Sat 11-Jun-16 08:46:45

I wouldn't take my dc and they are 6 and 3.5.
Their own grandfather passed away not that long ago and we talked about it and explained but they didn't go to see him after or to the funeral
I think it's too hard for them to see and experience at a young age (I wouldn't want to go see anyone who is in a funeral home even as an adult) and they often get upset at other peoples grief.
You also need to focus on your own feelings at this time and with your dc there this may be hard
Do you have someone you could leave her with?
Sorry for your loss flowers

PirateFairy45 Sat 11-Jun-16 08:47:10

I'm not going to to take her

My father has said previously he'll look after her if I want to go without her.

LIZS Sat 11-Jun-16 08:47:45

No she won't feel comfortable or understand and could get upset seeing you upset.

MsKite Sat 11-Jun-16 08:47:51

No not at all. Unless you come from a country or culture where it's the done thing for everyone to see the body, in which case it might not be upsetting for her. I'm torn because I do think it's important to normalise death, but I also can't really see what a 3 year old would have to gain from seeing his body. On balance id say no then.
Sorry for your loss flowers

CarlGrimesMissingEye Sat 11-Jun-16 08:48:00

I wouldn't take her to the funeral home. I went to see my dad after he died and it was hard. Harder than the funeral.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

MsKite Sat 11-Jun-16 08:48:10

Cross poat

ThatsMyStapler Sat 11-Jun-16 08:48:30

i probably wouldnt, she doesnt need to see him, not at this age.

ThatsMyStapler Sat 11-Jun-16 08:49:07

flowers for you, sorry for your loss x

HeffalumpHistory Sat 11-Jun-16 08:49:20

No I wouldn't! Let her have her memories.
I was 12 when mine passed, was taken to see him & that's what I picture when I think of him. It kind of scarred me. When my grandma passed I was w few years older & refused to go as a direct result of the impact seeing my grandpa

flowers sorry for your loss. It's such a difficult time to get all these things straight in your head

originalusernamefail Sat 11-Jun-16 08:49:21

No, is my short answer. I have looked after many people as they have passed away, and even if it's peaceful they look nothing like the person they were when alive, in my opinion something is 'missing'. I would not attend an open casket viewing of any of my relatives and I'm in my 30s. Remember your grandad as he was in life flowers.

Coconutty Sat 11-Jun-16 08:50:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedACleverNN Sat 11-Jun-16 08:57:02

My grandad died on the first of May and his funeral was 4 weeks ago.

I didn't take my children with me (15 months and 3.5 years).

I didn't feel comfortable them being there and it gave me a chance to grieve without upsetting my children.

NeedACleverNN Sat 11-Jun-16 08:59:16

I also saw my grandads body just after he died.

Now whenever I think of him, I start thinking of what he used to look like and a flash of him in that ambulance with all the tubes just places itself in there. I wish I hadn't seen it

dotdotdotmustdash Sat 11-Jun-16 09:10:34

I wouldn't go to see him either, never mind taking small children. Your Granpa won't look like he did and it's not the best memory to have of him.

AugustaFinkNottle Sat 11-Jun-16 09:18:08

I wouldn't go yourself, to be honest. Why leave yourself with that as your last memory of him?

littlemonkey5 Sat 11-Jun-16 09:33:02

I'm confused....Why are you going to the funeral directors to see him?? The only time I would expect to go and see a relative who has passed is if I had to identify them after an accident.

The last time I saw my Dad was when the paramedics took over from me doing CPR. I hid when the funeral directors came home to take him away because I didn't want to see any more than I had already seen which was already traumatising

I'm sorry to say, but the person you know is not in the body you will see.

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