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to find the buzz-phrase 'attachment parenting' and the way it's thrown around fucking annoying?!

(216 Posts)
hearthattack Fri 10-Jun-16 22:37:32

Don't get me wrong. Attachment theory has lead to massive positive developments in the way we understand and therefore respond to infants and their mothers. I've worked with young people who have experienced truly poor attachment with care givers and seen the damage it can do. And seen kids with great attachment thrive. BUT.

'Attachment Parenting' seems to have become a pseudonym for never spending a moment physically detached from your child, meeting every single one of their demands however impracticable and never saying 'No'. I come across so many mums who call themselves 'Attachment Parents' and seem to see this label as a justification for why their nine year old still sleeps in their bed.

How many people who bandy this trendy phrase around have actually ready any of Bowlby's work from which current theories of attachment derive? Or have balanced this with Winnicott's theory of the 'good enough mother' and see how intrinsically linked they are?

Mothers don't need some Psychologies Magazine lite psychological theory to make each other feel guilty, inadequate or smug. There's enough of that going on in motherhood as it is.

I bet in 10 years or so people will look back at this trend and wonder why so many people busted their arses to achieve something so far on the pendulum swing of parenting styles.

Anyone with me?

EatShitDerek Fri 10-Jun-16 22:45:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hearthattack Fri 10-Jun-16 22:47:10

Exactly! I need fellow mothers like you in my life!

SalemSaberhagen Fri 10-Jun-16 22:49:24

I don't think those 2 things are great examples though Derek, surely the labels are just easier ways of saying it?

Sparklingbrook Fri 10-Jun-16 22:51:22

'Baby wearing' is a ridiculous expression. Using a sling makes perfect sense.

OwlinaTree Fri 10-Jun-16 22:55:53

I didn't think you had to be physically attached to your child in order for your child to form strong attachments to their caregivers.

Junosmum Fri 10-Jun-16 23:00:07

I use a sling and we co sleep occasionally (otherwise I'd get no fucking sleep). I do what needs to be done to get on. "So your attachment parenting then" asks the hv. Well if you actually knew F.A about attachment theory you might realise that all semi-decent parents are attachment parenting. I'm just sodding parenting! Sod off with your sodding poncey labels.

I may or may not be over tired!

EveryoneElsie Fri 10-Jun-16 23:02:44

A vote for Junosmum is a vote for common sense! grin

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose Fri 10-Jun-16 23:04:30

Oh god yes, I completely agree.

Motherhood is challenging enough without us making the situation worse by putting ourselves into little boxes.

I like to confuse people. What I do is vary my use of accessories, gadgets and snacks.

Some days you'll see me heaving the tandem travel system around and I'll be that type of parent.

Other days I'll have the battered old stroller and buggy board.

Other days I will use a sling. I understand from baby wearing fanatics on facebook though that I'm not a genuine baby wearer, because it's a Baby Bjorn.

Some days I'm really organised and serve snacks of carrot sticks and homemade spinach muffins from Paperchase tupperware.

Other days I buy emergency packets of mini cheddars.

I fit into a different group every day of the week, thus proving that these labels are crap.

ateapotandacake Fri 10-Jun-16 23:08:58

Yes yes yes. There's this idea now that if you're not there every minute of every day and night you're not parenting well enough. There's a lot of confusion about it all now I think. Take 'leaving them to cry' for instance- knowing your child is grumpy and overtired and overstimulated and wants to sleep is just as important as reaponding to their happy cues- but so many people just see the child crying and misread it and carry on rocking/snuggling/holding. The fear of tears! I've a couple of friends who have given up themselves completely to their child: no sleep, no sex, no life all to be able to say their child has never cried. Madness.

ReallyTired Fri 10-Jun-16 23:16:18

These labels are just away of selling books.

I have to laugh at the idea those who follow attachment parenting having no sex. Many AP people have big families. Dr Sears who is the attachment parenting guru has a family of ten!

Often its easier to parent from the heart rather than trying to follow some phiolosophy.

As a total opposite there is ofcourse "she who must not be named" (G**a F**d) who tried to get mumsnet shut down.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-438225/Both-idolised-reviled-baby-advisor-Gina-Ford-hits-back.html

fusionconfusion Fri 10-Jun-16 23:17:57

"Attachment parenting" has NOTHING whatsoever to do with real theories of attachment so YANBU at all.

Ameliablue Fri 10-Jun-16 23:20:31

I agree blw is even worse.

TooMuchCoffeeMakesMeZoom Fri 10-Jun-16 23:23:48

Nowt wrong with sleeping in your mum's bed when you are nine, pipes up my child <weeps>.

MyJuneName Fri 10-Jun-16 23:25:20

I find the bandying around of Attachment Parenting annoying because for some of us it is something different and vital not just cool and hip.
As a recent adopter, my focus is very much on attachment. Creating a secure attachment to a baby who I did not meet until she was 13 months old requires full on focus on attachment but that doesn't mean physically attaching her to my hip 24/7, it means learning about building that attachment through play, nurturing, secure base etc.
So yes, I am Attachment Parenting. But not because it's the buzz word, and not by wearing her all day and giving into every whim but by taking expert advice and responding to her needs in a healthy, nurturing way to help her to have confidence in my ability to be there for her and love her.
So when birth parents willy nilly tell me that they are Attachment Parenting I'm a bit puzzled. Huh? What? Why?

Geordiegirl79 Fri 10-Jun-16 23:26:37

Faster grin so true.
Sorry can't figure out how to do bold!

Yes! Anyone who declares themselves an expert in "attachment parenting" without having read any actual theories of attachment should be sat down with a GCSE Psychology textbook and not allowed to get up until they've read it all and actually understand what they're talking about.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 10-Jun-16 23:29:43

Oh I agree!! It's so tedious.... And false! Smacks of trying too hard to be 'different' and 'right on'

And the 'barefoot' thing! Going barefoot everywhere. It goes too far.

MrsJamin Fri 10-Jun-16 23:30:44

Abso-bloody-lutely op! I reseached in attachment (eg conducted the strange situation) and cannot stand the term attachment parenting, like it's implying that others don't have an attachment?! A friend of mine has a 15 month old and posts on Facebook about positive parenting, never having to say no... What utter bollocks. She'll see where that leads!

Senpai Fri 10-Jun-16 23:33:31

Also baby led weaning

Is all weaning baby led? grin

When mine wasn't ready to chew solids, she just gagged and spit it out. I can't imagine a baby will actually chew any foods before they're ready.

PoppyStellar Fri 10-Jun-16 23:34:13

As a fellow adopter I'm with you myjunename

DrCoconut Fri 10-Jun-16 23:37:56

I breastfeed, co sleep and make extensive use of slings. I also home make yogurt and don't buy baby food. I have a brilliant bond with my baby and he is far happier than my older two with whom I gave into social pressure more and was less "crunchy". He may have been happier anyway, who knows. We all find the route that is right for us.

whatsmynametoday Fri 10-Jun-16 23:40:06

I am absolutely with you!

Ameliablue Fri 10-Jun-16 23:41:10

And crunchy is also a ridiculous term.

glueandstick Fri 10-Jun-16 23:42:40

Ahhh my thread has come. HV asked what type of weaning I would be doing. I said I was going with giving my baby food.... BUT WE NEED A TYPE TO FOLLOW A PLAN!!

You cannot mix types of weaning. Or types of parenting. I just shook my head and made sad faces.

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