Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

[PotteringAlong]

Of course they shouldn't pay for the accommodation! If you want to stay do, if you don't, stay elsewhere!

[PumpkinPies38]

The place is in the middle of nowhere and it's not an option it's just a "you owe us xx for your share of the accommodation please transfer to this account."

Am I missing something or is this normal? So now the bride and groom decide where their guests stay and invoice them for it before the event?

[Crispbutty]

you dont actually have to go you know..

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Just politely decline the invitation. No drama necessary.

[MrsHathaway]

Why should they pay? I get that it's inconvenient and selfish to choose such an extravagant celebration, but you'd have to be a zillionaire to cover everybody's accommodation costs.

Accept or decline.

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

I've always paid for my own accommodation at weddings. It's my choice if I stay not the bride & grooms.

[LittleReindeerwithcloggson]

It's usual to have to pay for your own accommodation if you go to a wedding! You're either going to have to go and pay or make your excuses

[CodyKing]

Whats included in the £120? Just a room or all food entertainment etc?

How can a wedding last 2 days? What's wrong with 4 hours

[ThatsMyStapler]

just decline it

as they say on Mumsnet "its an invitation, not a summons"

[MrsHathaway]

Cross posted.

Is that how they actually put it? Have they discussed logistics with you beforehand? Or maybe with your family, speaking on your behalf?

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

Where on earth is it that there is no where else to stay?

[IFailDaily]

£120 for two of you (including breakfast?) isn't so bad is it?
If you want to go, then go. If not, well don't.
It's pretty unusual to expect the bride and groom to pay for your accomadation isn't it?

[PumpkinPies38]

I just know accommodation is £120. I would expect to pay for my own accommodation at a wedding in the circumstances where I travel to a city and choose a hotel but not when the bride and groom pre book a wedding venue and then divide the cost by the number of guests and charge it back to them.

If this was the other way round and the bride posted: "I want to get married in this venue but have to book exclusive use can I ask each guest to pay £120 for a room I choose or they don't attend?" What would you say?

[RunLillian]

It's usual to pay for your own accommodation but not to have it dictated to you as a foregone conclusion. It's usually more 'here's the venue, we've provisonally booked X rooms, mention the wedding to get 10% off the usual rate for b&b'.

[EasternDailyStress]

Sounds incredibly grabby to me. If you invite someone, they are a guest and should be paid for, or at the very least given an option for somewhere less expensive. And as for "gift cards or cash only", I think that's so presumptuous. You don't ask for gifts, people offer them to you. I would just reply saying that you're not coming, without explaining why. People act like they're entitled to certain things these days, and it just seems so selfish to me.

And what on earth are the games they've got planned? That would probably be enough to put me off anyway

[Junosmum]

The gift bit sounds grabby if it's written as you wrote it.

They haven't decided where you stay- you could stay elsewhere, even if it's inconvenient. They aren't forcing you.

[wheresthel1ght]

I think yabu. There are several hotels near where I live who will only do exclusive weddings so the b&g have to pay for all the hotel rooms. We looked at this when stbxh and I got married. The rooms would have worked out at a similar cost.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Have they already booked and paid for the venue and accomodation?

If it was "We're holding it at The Grange. If you'd like to stay there , we've arranged a really good deal with them, you can secure a room for £120. Or there are other hotels 5 miles away"

But if they've booked and paid without asking people then more fool them .

[RestlessTraveller]

Don't call them on it, it's ill-mannered and unnecessary. Just politely decline if you don't want to go.

[YouMakeMyDreams]

There was a thread recently where the bride had asked how to tell people that they needed to stay at the venue as the hotel stated in their t&c's that guest must be resident and she was slates for it. This is just the same situation but from a guest perspective.
Yes I would expect to pay for accommodation. Yes I may opt to stay at the venue itself for ease. But the point is I would resent having that choice taken away from me. I want to choose how to spend my money not be told how to spend it. I pick a hotel that suits my budget and needs and yep I'd be pretty pissed off having it chosen for me

[Muddlingalongalone]

It would have been better to say please let us know if you want to stay, rooms are £120 but I don't think it's worth getting upset about. Either go or don't.
I personally like staying where a wedding is - no hassle with taxis, space for time out if it's a long day & seeing everyone the next morning to compare hangovers/sore feet & memories of the previous day.

[Orda1]

God I hate this, it's just a way of getting you to pay for their OTT wedding.

Fair enough if you want to stay there and asked them about it but bank details on the invite? How utterly classless.

[Orda1]

Ps I assume one of them is from other country?

[Muddlingalongalone]

Gift cards or cash only if written like that is rude though.

[kiki22]

I wouldn't be happy at being asked for my share to me it should be something along the lines of we have booked some rooms if you want one contact us for details.

Regarding cash requests I hate it, we went to a wedding hundreds of miles away that cost us a fortune and were asked for money toward their dream honeymoon, they earn 3 times as much as most of the family and go several holidays a year anyway so I gave them nothing but the pleasure of our company