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to assume DH would have cancelled this?

(70 Posts)
ElodieS Fri 10-Jun-16 17:23:09

Disclaimer: I'm tired, stressed and hormonal so there's every chance AIBU!

DTs (4) have CF, and although they're both generally pretty well, DT1 has been in hospital the last week with a chest infection getting IV antibiotics. Because of the risk of infection, DTs can't have contact with each other when one is ill. My work are very good about it when DTs need hospital admission so I usually stay with whoever is in hospital and DH modifies his hours to look after the other twin and do nursery pick up and drop off etc (we usually do one each).

DH was supposed to be going to a stag do tomorrow and I just assumed he'd have cancelled so one of us could be in hospital with DT1 and other with DT2. He hang cancelled at all and has instead arranged for DT2 to spend the whole day and night with some family friends.

I think this is really irresponsible and inconsiderate! I've barely seen DT2 all week so was hoping we could swap and also recognise that both DTs might be needing some extra support from their parents as they've been missing each other lots.

Weigh in, should I just drop this, or am I right?!

Buggers Fri 10-Jun-16 17:26:22


NK346f2849X127d8bca260 Fri 10-Jun-16 17:27:04

I am with you on this one, I think he should cancel.
I might think differently if your well twin was with grandparents.

londonrach Fri 10-Jun-16 17:27:48

Yanbu! Poor t2 needs family at this time!

GraysAnalogy Fri 10-Jun-16 17:27:52


I would have expected him to cancel too.

MangoBiscuit Fri 10-Jun-16 17:28:40

I think you needed to speak to him about it instead of just assuming. He's arranged childcare, which I assume is suitable? Perhaps not the option everyone would have gone for, but I don't think he was being unreasonable.

That said, I can understand why you want him home right now, and wanting to spend time with your other twin, I just think you both need to talk more. I hope your little one is well and home soon.

pristinechristine Fri 10-Jun-16 17:29:00


Skittlesss Fri 10-Jun-16 17:29:23

YANBU I would expect him to cancel even if you had just one child and they were in hospital.

MrsSpecter Fri 10-Jun-16 17:29:44

Wow! I couldnt go on a night out if one of my DC were in hospital! Even without the second twin to care for surely he would realise you need a break from hospital?

GraysAnalogy Fri 10-Jun-16 17:29:45

Yeah like mango said, I would have spoken about it and not assumed to be honest.

He's not the best man is he?

MrsHathaway Fri 10-Jun-16 17:29:47

Sorry, I can't come after all: my child's in hospital.

Mate! Is she all right? Don't worry about it. See you on the big day, though, yeah?

MrsJayy Fri 10-Jun-16 17:31:01

Oh I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your family but maybe as a 1 off I would be OK with a stag do he probably should have cancelled but perhaps didn't want to let the groom down do you get any time off I don't think yabu or anything

Peppermintea Fri 10-Jun-16 17:31:12

Drop it. He's made arrangements to sort out childcare so all dealt with. YANBU to be emotional but he's done nothing wrong and don't see why he should miss out on a stag.

ThePinkOcelot Fri 10-Jun-16 17:31:17

I think he should definitely cancel. Priorities and all that.

Zampa Fri 10-Jun-16 17:32:19

Sorry to hear that your lo is poorly and here's to a speedy recovery.

YANBU to be cross and I can understand your frustration. However, it's worth bearing in mind he hasn't left you with both DTs to juggle. He has made alternative arrangements for care.

Obviously, we don't know about the bigger picture but if the stag is one day, for a good friend, I'd express my disappointment but then let it go.

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 10-Jun-16 17:34:15

Yanbu I was at hosp with my little boy last week if my oh did this I would have been ridiculously pissed off its completely selfish

badabadabadabwee Fri 10-Jun-16 17:34:33

It depends. If it's a silly stag weekend he should cancel. If it's a night out then I'd let him go.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 10-Jun-16 17:35:13

I agree it's a communication issue, you've made assumptions and so has he (although his are for selfish reasons).

It's easily done in a stressful situation and easy to solve by talking, don't sit and get annoyed with him, tell him you want to swap over this weekend.

flowers for you op.

MrsJayy Fri 10-Jun-16 17:35:50

It's probably hard to have proper conversation when both kids to juggle he should have spoken to you about this

ElodieS Fri 10-Jun-16 17:39:49

It's just one day and late night out, so not the whole weekend. DH isn't irresponsible and I generally think we're a good team and share responsibility etc, so he'd always sort childcare etc. And whilst it is horrid having a child in hospital, it's not completely uncommon for us and DT1 is doing well, she just needs to finish the course of treatment and avoid infection.

I think I'm just upset cause I thought I might get a bit of a break and that he'd prioritise that, but it is a good friend, although he's not the best man. I'm also upduffed so hormones are raging and I'll pick a fight with anyone really! confused


Skittlesss Fri 10-Jun-16 17:39:59

You say you've barely seen DT2 so does that mean your husband has barely seen DT1. If so I really wouldn't be happy about it.

ElodieS Fri 10-Jun-16 17:42:19

He's seen her a few times but not loads, that's just how we've managed it though, rather than choice. We've face timed lots though.

Skittlesss Fri 10-Jun-16 17:44:37

I think if it's normal/you're used to it then you would feel differently to a parent whose child has never been in hospital. Mine hasn't, so I would be really peed off. Whereas if they had been in a few times then maybe not so much.

LyndaNotLinda Fri 10-Jun-16 17:45:29

I also think it's a communication issue.

Children with CF (it's in our family) spend a lot of time in hospital. Not because it's a life or death situation generally, but because the only way to get rid of the constant infections is to have IV ABs. It's not (IME) a massive drama a lot of the time, it's a mundane fact of living with CF.

Having said that, I can see totally see why you'd want to spend time with DT2 this weekend.

Could he go to the stag thing just in the evening tomorrow so that you can see DT2 during the day?

I think you probably need to establish some ground rules because this is going to be something that keeps happening. And you do really need to ensure that there is time for both of you to have some time for yourselves because you really are going to need some downtime when you're doing something nice for you too. CF is a hideous sucker of time and energy for the whole family I know sad flowers

Kidnapped Fri 10-Jun-16 17:46:12

I'd be pretty taken aback that someone would choose to go on a stag do whilst their child is in hospital.

The least he can do is take over from the OP, allowing him to spend some time with his child in hospital and the OP to spend time with her other child at home. The fact that you are pregnant means that you are even more in need of a break after the week you've had.

He can go out for a drink with his mate another time. Really, he can.

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