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Are you serious i am 15 years old!!!!!

(376 Posts)
Ohmygodareyouserious Fri 10-Jun-16 12:00:41

As the title would suggest my daughter is 15 and in year 10 (4th year old school). I take her I phone off her at 9pm every night (wind down time), she has a 10pm bed time (although with her faffing always more like 10.30) and a curfew when she goes out at the weekend. Last night she exploded, apparently I am the ONLY mother of, not only all of her friends, but the whole of her school, that thinks it is reasonable to treat a 15 year old this way!! She is old enough to regulate her own bedtime, curfew and internet use apparently and everyone else's parents that she speaks to think that I am crazy. I do know that all of her friends are allowed their phones all night as hers is constantly lighting up whenever I go into the kitchen (sometimes at gone midnight) which to me means they are obviously not regulating their use. AIBU? Please tell me that I am not the only one, I am beginning to feel as though she is hard done too.

Janefromdowntheroad Fri 10-Jun-16 12:02:24

I'd let her stay up later but with her phone downstairs

I'm very lax on electronics but don't allow phones upstairs at all

MagicMonkeys Fri 10-Jun-16 12:03:04

Thank god you take her phone so it isn't by her head all night long going off like that! Not good for her brain at all!

Yanbu ! You have her best interests at heart and doing a fab job of keeping her downtime going as well as her mind looked after with the needed break before sleep! Well done

Goldenhandshake Fri 10-Jun-16 12:03:36

I wouldn't say she is hard done by at all, I would say that her friends parents are a bit too laid back, but everyone parents differently.

Taking the phone away is ensuring she gets a decent nights sleep. I was shocking with my phone at her age, and was often exhausted at school, so whilst your approach may irritate her, it's in her best interests.

spankhurst Fri 10-Jun-16 12:03:39

I don't have teenagers (yet) but I think what you're doing is very sensible. All teenagers claim that EVERYONE ELSE is allowed to do such-and-such. You sound a good parent to me.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 10-Jun-16 12:04:01

That all sounds fine to me, aside from bedtimes. I wouldn't force it at 15 (meaning I'd allow reading).

Ask her what she'd like, and tell her why you have set these limits. Maybe come to a compromise.

MTPurse Fri 10-Jun-16 12:04:16

I am not sure if it is reasonable or not, it depends on your dd.

My dd is 14 and I do not take any devices from her at bed time, she is however, very sensible. She comes down to say goodnight at around 8.30 and she doesn't have a lights out or bed time.

She is always in bed by 10.

neonrainbow Fri 10-Jun-16 12:04:25

Shes not a young child any more why does she have a set bedtime?

123rd Fri 10-Jun-16 12:05:04

Not at all. My DD is slightly younger at 12 but the same situation here. She uses an iPod to speak to her mates, which goes in the shelf in the lounge at 9, it's still pinging at around 11 most nights with messages.
I know I sound like my mother but...I'm really don't care what her friends-and the whole of the entire year are allowed to do, stay up will what ever time,etc etc. my house my rules

SeriousCreativeBlock Fri 10-Jun-16 12:05:07

Yanbu. Although at her age I had unregulated Internet and phone use (mostly), I wouldn't do the same for my DD. There's no reason for a 15 year old to be up all night on their phone. She needs to be getting about 10 hours of sleep at that age anyway to function properly, so I'm inclined to agree with you.

ZestyMaximus Fri 10-Jun-16 12:05:31

My bedtime at that age was 9pm and lights out (including screens) by 9:30.

BigSandyBalls2015 Fri 10-Jun-16 12:05:49

I have two 15 year old DDs and feel your pain grin. Mine are also not allowed phones/tablet overnight. I'm happy for them to stay on them downstairs until 10ish, but then they have to leave them downstairs. I've had the 'it's not fair, you're the only one parent in the whole school to do this .....', but recently they seem to accept it. I've no idea how some of their friends get up in the morning and manage to function at school, as I've seen some messages at 1am, 2am ......

Mine don't really have a curfew, but they don't go out randomly, it tends to be to friends houses for sleepovers, or parties. I'm happy for them to stay late at parties, picked one of them up at 12.30 the other weekend, but I need them to answer their phones and reply to texts. I had to threaten to gatecrash last week's party as I was being ignored about pick up time. Funny how quickly she got back to me then grin.

wigglesrock Fri 10-Jun-16 12:07:01

I think her bedtime is early tbh, as is taking her phone off her at 9pm. What time do you go to bed? If you don't want her phone in the room overnight with her, take it out of her room then. She's 15 - she can regulate her own bedtime, does she need enforced wind down time? The curfew - she doesn't have a leg to stand on - unless it's early. I think at 15, I was supposed to be in by 10.30 at weekends, I'm in my early 40s.

AnnieOnnieMouse Fri 10-Jun-16 12:08:02

It doesn't matter if you are the only one. She is your daughter, and lives according to your rules in your house. I bet some of the other parents think that their children don't text/chat/browse late, but you know they're wrong.
I think you are spot on. You are protecting her against herself, as well as the horrors out there. Also, she's a kid at school who needs her sleep.
I do think it would be fair to have more relaxed times over the holidays, say 10.30 on the phone.

RegentsParkWolf Fri 10-Jun-16 12:10:18

I think you're doing the right thing. Once you allow phones/internet all night it's hard to claw it back. My DD was also very sensible at 14 so she had access to phone and internet all night and it wasn't a problem. Roll on 18 months and she was up all night and doing god knows what on the internet (I do know what, and I'd rather not say). In the end, at 17, I took control of the internet again. It caused the most horrendous rows but has now been accepted - would have been much better to keep the control in the first place though. Regret not taking her phone off her though but didn't have the energy for that battle. As for bed time, I think a be in bed rule is still appropriate while there at school but maybe allow her to read until she feels tired?

JayDot500 Fri 10-Jun-16 12:11:25

I don't think you're being mean. You're being a responsible mother. I really don't believe your daughter can tell you, who pays her bills, that you're being unfair.

I'm not that old but I'm old school.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses Fri 10-Jun-16 12:11:48

My DS (14) has a no phones/electronics at bedtime rule, so his mobile and his PS4 cable come downstairs.

His bedtime is 10.30, but he has a shower every night at 10pm...... for 25mins hmm

Mishmashpotatoes Fri 10-Jun-16 12:12:49

I agree with the phone, I sat on mine all night and would be regretting it the next morning.

I never had a curfew or bedtime but I was quite sensible and mature at 15.

I was aware of the dangers of a young girl going home late at night so never went home awfully late or I would let my mum know I was staying at a friends.

DustyOwl Fri 10-Jun-16 12:14:08

Oh I remember using that line on my parents when I was a teenager (not phones in my day, but going out etc!) their reaction;"I'm not their Mum, I'm yours and I think it's best for you." On repeat.

It wasn't true by the way, all the parents were pretty much the same. It was all part of the "It's so UINFAIR!"

Or as my dad says, I was really saying, "I will fight you and fight you and fight you...until you win" testing boundaries I guess! Exhausting though!!! winecake

KateLivesInEngland Fri 10-Jun-16 12:14:20

Of course she is exaggerating! Her friends parents do not think you are 'crazy' nor have they probably even actually spoke about it! If they have, They probably admire your ability to regulate your child whilst theirs walk all over them!
I struggle like hell to get my son off the iPad at 9! confused

MatildaTheCat Fri 10-Jun-16 12:14:39

The fact that she says her friends have no restrictions doesn't actually make it true.

You make the rules and they sound very sensible.

IWILLgiveupsugar Fri 10-Jun-16 12:14:46

I make mine turn everything off and go to sleep by 11pm on a school night. During holidays I am more flexible. I think you are being a little bit too strict. If homework is up to date and she is doing fine at school, I would relax a bit.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 10-Jun-16 12:15:27

My dd is the same age and isn't allowed her phone or kindle in her bedroom at night. Bed time is 10pm. Yanbu.

PiranhaBrothers Fri 10-Jun-16 12:19:21

10pm does sound quite early at the age of 15 but I guess it depends on how much sleep she needs. As her Mum you are the best judge of that as you will have seen her in all her non-cooperative glory when over-tired.

I agree with removing the phone at bedtime, but not necessarily before.

What time is the weekend curfew?

pilates Fri 10-Jun-16 12:20:17

YANBU

I do exactly the same as you and I'm sure there are plenty of other parents who do the same. It's funny they only tell you about the ones that let them do as they please.

I feel the increase of depression and anxiety in children is exacerbated by lack of sleep and being on their gadgets 24/7.

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