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AIBU to expect my husband to at least commit to a plan?

(2 Posts)
user1465544046 Fri 10-Jun-16 09:02:27

My husband and I have been renting a property for 3 years, we also own a property (the house we lived in for 15 years) and have just finished doing it up to sell. Once our property is sold we will be able to clear any debts we have.

The house we are renting was supposed to be a 2 year contract only and just a stop-gap while we sold our own property. It is old fashioned and needs decorating and fresh carpets throughout but as its rented we don't want to throw money at it obviously. In the past 3 years we have thus only decorated one bedroom and laid a new floor in the bathroom, and herein lies my problem. I want to either move to a long term rental or apply for social housing where ourselves and our children (one is severely disabled), can be in a home we are proud of, and that is clean, fresh and modern. My husband however refuses to commit to a plan for moving in the near future, and says he would prefer us to stay where we are. In my eyes this is unrealistic, as its a private rental and the landlady is elderly. We are also out of contract. I have tried to explain to my husband that living somewhere with old carpets, dirty grout, and walls that need painting is depressing to me. I've also explained that I don't expect miracles just bog standard cheap flooring, nice fresh paint etc so that the place is clean and fresh. My husband point blank refuses to do this or to allow me to even bring it up, saying I'm never happy. Thus simply isn't true and I'm by no means a princess, I just don't like living in grime!! He also refuses to talk about moving, other more suitable rentals or social housing.

Help! There seems no logic to his thinking? Am I right to be pissed off that he won't even discuss this? We can't stay here but he's refusing to be accountable for moving forward and making a plan. I feel so stuck in limbo and angry because each time I bring it up it ends in a row confused

Vertigo58 Fri 10-Jun-16 20:24:09

I think you shouldn't be shut down before a conversation has even started...Your DH may wish to wait a bit longer but he should explain why and if he is worried about money and not ready just yet then he should at least be open to a discussion on it / a plan of saving X amount each month and a timescale that will bring you to when you can afford these things. You should be a partnership neither side gets to be the one to decide on their own somewhere a long the way being a partnership you must be allowed to both have your say and work on compromises... This may not be possible for you but for me it sometimes helps to get DH to speak to his dad or a sensible friend to get some perspective on whether or not it's him or me being unreasonable ... Usually this works in my favour as he gets to hear it from someone else and not just me , good luck op

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