We live rurally in a farmhouse and have a long term friend who lives in the city. He comes to stay with us several times a year and in the past he has stayed in the house while were away.
Last time we found out that his daughter had come to stay for a few days, that's fine as we know her but we only found out because DD1 discovered a sock in her bed that wasn't hers. On that occasion he also invited his sister, although I think that was just for the day. We also remember one other occasion from the time before that he had a previous girlfriend stay without us knowing beforehand.
We are going on holiday soon but this time DS1 (19) is staying behind, he will be at work. Despite this we asked if our friend would like to come as he has a thesis to write and we thought the quiet would help. DS is OK with this as he knows him well.
However, the friend asked if he could bring his new girlfriend. He hadn't mentioned this on the phone to DH but 'confirmed' her visit in an e-mail yesterday. Now, we have never met this girlfriend who he has only known a couple of months, and don't think it would be fair on DS to have someone in the house that he doesn't know, especially as he may be at work when she arrives, so we said no. The friend has taken a big huff with us as he 'cannot be away from her for a whole week' and is surprised by our reaction.
Our reaction is simply that no, not on this occasion but she is welcome to come and visit when we get home. We are more bothered that he told her she could come without even asking us first but he thinks we are the ones being unreasonable.
AIBU?
To not want a stranger in our home while we are on holiday?
AugustRose · 09/06/2016 21:04
You're well within your rights to tell him she can't come.
He's having a hissy fit as he cant be away from her for a week?
,tit!
But he isn't coming to "visit" because you and he both know you will be away 
Then dont ask him to stay in your home, if he isn't allowed to treat it as his home .
Of course he sees your home as a nice place for a break, why else would he come when you aren't there ?
If I invited a friend to stay in my house whilst I was away (which we do frequently), then I want them to enjoy it and wouldn't expect them to have to check with me before having their own guests - I would expect them to strip beds and clean rather than leaving dirty socks behind but that's a separate thing 
Last time we found out that his daughter had come to stay for a few days, that's fine as we know her but we only found out because DD1 discovered a sock in her bed that wasn't hers.
Whut?
If I found that someone had slept in my bed during my absence, without my consent, the person responsible for that would never, never, never, never, never ever be invited again. Never ever.
There is things one just does NOT do. Did they change the sheets, even, or did they let your DD sleep in a bed someone else had used?
Gross. Your DS is expected to share his home with a shagging couple? Couples are the WORST people to live with. (Can you tell I've lived in a lot of shared houses?)
YANBU to say that whoever you like can't come to your house. It's your house. You extended the offer to an old friend, with the idea that he might want to get some work done. You were being nice -- he doesn't have an expectation that he can come at all, let alone bring his choice of companions. Tell him 'that doesn't work for me'
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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