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AIBU re friend 'pushing' cancer 'cure' info at me.. possible trigger

(61 Posts)
alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 20:51:12

I'm not sure if I am, too sad and overwhelmed right now.

DP's lovely DSIS is dying right now of terminal cancer (she's also my close friend)
I've also just had bad news re a much loved relative , also with incurable cancer; this came totally out of the blue so everyone's in shock, obviously most of all them (relative was not actually ill but they might only have a short time now)

Friend (more acquaintance really) has been sending me links for months on FB etc to a certain man's site /theories etc . She is convinced that anyone that follows this man's advice can be cured. I asked her for proof and if she knew anyone who had.. no not personally she said but it's true and even the most incurable can be cured IF they believe and follow his diet/ advice
I have lost people to bone cancer and I thought that was incurable , for example, but I am no expert on cancer. My uncle stayed positive but died of bowel cancer. etc etc (and ate healthily, never smoked/ drank etc)

She has been sending me the links for ages to send to DSis in law as she says that she can be saved if she reads it/acts on it. But DSIS is the most positive, cheerful optimistic person I've ever met. She still is even though she possibly has weeks left. Her fighting attitude is sadly not saving her. Cancer too aggressive and a rare form.

Acquaintance thinks if she follows this man's advice it can be turned around still. It's like she's brainwashed.
Anyway I told her the sad news re my relative and lo and behold she's bombarding me with the links again. That if I show my relative., then they has the option to be cured…if they follow the advice…
I keep telling her that my relative is in absolute shock and has asked NOT to be contacted in any way (has asked to contact their sibling was sibling that broke the news to me and rest of family) as relative cannot cope with the phone calls and messages as is just breaking down with the reality of the diagnosis , thought of leaving small children behind etc
I tell acquaintance that I have to respect relative's wishes and that we are there for them if they ask us to be but have to leave them alone in the mean time whilst they try to come to terms
I feel that acquaintance is basically thinking I'm signing relative's death certificate by not forcing them to watch/read the info (and act on it)

But I know acquaintance is well meaning. She is trying to help.
AIBU to think that some things can't be cured (but might be able to buy more time) or just too pessimistic. I didn't used to be like that but I've lost quite a few people to cancer , most recent being a childhood friend (who also stayed very positive and optimistic/ non bitter, to the end)

She does not get that relative does not want to be contacted and is far too broken to read/ watch anything like that. That is their choice, I respect that.
But what if she's right?? But I know I'd really hurt my relative by disrespecting their wishes and would probably find it pointless and patronising. Acquaintance cannot believe that I'm not going to 'make' relative see/ read what this 'curer' has to say

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 20:51:24

Sorry so long

srslylikeomg Thu 09-Jun-16 20:55:09

Please keep this loon away from your DSIS in law. She is not right, she is at best deluded, at worst dangerous. I am so sorry that you are all facing such sad news.

PurpleDaisies Thu 09-Jun-16 20:56:31

Firstly so sorry about your sister in law. Your acquaintance is an absolute nuisance. She is well meaning but totally out of order. I'd go with a very firm "thanks for this information but I'm not finding it helpful. I'd prefer not to discuss it again". Defriend her from your social media if you need to. My natural instinct would be to rant at her to bugger off with her unscientific bollocks but I don't think that would necessarily be the best course of action.

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 20:57:44

Dsis would just laugh. Yes even at this stage sad She has her own beliefs but ….. that's not saving her either

My relative… it would, I feel, it would be the final nail sad I think it would be seen as patronising the diagnosis they are trying to come to terms with (I don't know if they will come to terms to be honest) I think family would find it insulting if I tried to get them to read it and dismiss as 'quackery'
Thing is , acquaintance has no evidence.. no one she knows has tried it

exexpat Thu 09-Jun-16 20:59:25

You are much more patient than I would be. Is this friend pushing something like Gerson therapy? It and the many other miracle, 'natural' cures for cancer, are not just useless as a 'cure' for cancer but can be positively dangerous (coffee enemas, restrictive diets etc as well as people choosing them instead of actual medicine).

If this is just an acquaintance rather than a close friend, I would be extremely blunt with her and tell her she is distressing you by pushing unproven, dangerous nonsense.

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 21:00:19

My relative (not DSIS law but my own blood) has only just received shocking news and acquaintance thinks I should inform them immediately that they can be saved .. 'show them this' she keeps saying, and sending link.
It does not sink in with her that it would be cruel for me to send it… relative cannot cope and is crying constantly with shock

Whereas DSIS in law knows the score… but isn't going to change anything about herself… I'm pretty sure she'll have a final drink and fag if she can (this isn't linked to her cancer btw)

VestalVirgin Thu 09-Jun-16 21:01:09

I don't know. I face that same dilemma. There's some cancer cures (though they don't demand that you believe in them!) that sound somewhat plausible to me. Probably not going to help someone in the late stages, though.

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 21:01:24

no not Gerson. It's a specific person giving medical info

My point is… if all this worked then no one would be dying, would they?! Then I wouldn't have needed to do Run For Life last weekend

Asheth Thu 09-Jun-16 21:01:28

Sorry you and your family are going through such a tough time. This acquaintance is not helping. Can you block them on Facebook, so you don't get anymore unwanted advice?

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 21:04:47

Unfortunately for various reasons I have to be in touch with this person and see them once a week so I'll have to be firm (or just ignore the info)

Part of me prays for a miracle and wishes my newly diagnosed relative would try something, anything. But that's not my choice. They have specifically asked not to be contacted by ANY family or friends and we should all contact sibling only . I cannot go against their wishes

EyefulTower Thu 09-Jun-16 21:15:58

This is a complete and utter scam to get money from people at their most desperate and vulnerable. If it actually worked, they'd have scientists all over it to document the effects of the regime against a control group. They haven't. They can't prove it works because it doesn't. You need to be firm to the point of rude to your friend 'it's NOT a cure, it's a scam and I will NOT be spreading news of it to my ill relatives.' So sorry for your family, but you're doing well to protect them from this idiot so far.

GinIsIn Thu 09-Jun-16 21:18:20

These people make me feel actually stabby with rage. They all cured out of the woodwork when my dad was dying. "Oh, has he tried just eating raw potatoes and shoe polish? A friend of a friend of a friend was dying and that cured her." "The NHS don't want you to know but all you need to cure cancer is blue cheese and marmite." FUCK OFF, YOU ABSOLUTE LOON!! I am so sorry for your situation, please ignore the fuckwittery.

OurBlanche Thu 09-Jun-16 21:19:57

You could simply send a Public message: We do not want any more recommendations for this treatment. Stop. Cease. Desist. Quit it!

Then, or instead of, don't block her just do that Unfollow thing.. she will never notice!

I told a similar pillock to FUCK OFF via FB last year. I got lots of Likes smile

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 21:29:53

yep I've heard similar..along lines of NHS don't want you to know… as they make so much money from cancer drugs …. they want people to keep's a conspiracy.. blah blah blah...

alltoomuchrightnow Thu 09-Jun-16 21:31:31

But then again this same person thinks I deliberately manifested domestic violence to myself (my last relationship) so I could learn to be compassionate to others going through similar . I chose it basically.
Fuck, I hope I was already compassionate! I know I was !

Gide Thu 09-Jun-16 21:32:44

Omg, big Pharma, puuhlease. Tell her to stfu, plainly, nicely, firmly. Your relative does not need this shite in their lives. wine

OurBlanche Thu 09-Jun-16 21:33:01

Why do you have to see her every week? Could you take a moment to tear her apart and neglect to put her back together again?

TheSpottedZebra Thu 09-Jun-16 21:48:41

Is it a faith-based thing?

Really, I'd tell her to do one. And be as rude as I could, depending on circumstances.
I've had cancer - these idiots come out of the woodwork, wringing their hands and pedalling their shite. Parasites.

ILoveDolly Thu 09-Jun-16 22:08:08

I hate those fb posts that say things like 'cure cancer just by eating more kale and meditation'. Several friends and relatives have passed with, or suffered from various cancers and if I ever see that non scientific BS in my feed I straight up tell the person who shared it what I think. Ok I did lose one friend that way but sorry, not sorry.

Foslady Thu 09-Jun-16 22:08:32

Do you really have to see them? They sound vile - I'm surprised they have anyone still prepared to talk to them

Minimammoth Thu 09-Jun-16 22:14:59

Did you know that it is illegal to claim that you can cure cancer? Especially if claims are being made without scientific back up.

IThinkIMadeYouUpInsideMyHead Thu 09-Jun-16 22:21:24

OP, sorry about all your bad news. It's hard enough coming to terms with it, without having to fend off the tinfoil hat brigade.

But...If you ask people for proof, they might assume that you actually think there's something in it. Also, your "not now" might imply (to someone who is clearly not very sensible) that you are only waiting for the right moment to pass on the info. You need to be firm, tell her the constant reminders are upsetting you even more and you will be leaving it to the patients' doctors to advise them on their treatment.

I might also, if I was feeling particularly cross, respond to every link with another link to a website that debunks all that nonsense.

PurpleDaisies Thu 09-Jun-16 22:23:32

I might also, if I was feeling particularly cross, respond to every link with another link to a website that debunks all that nonsense.

From personal experience that doesn't normally work because they'll say conventional medicine is all rigged/biased against them/big pharmaceutical etc etc... Although others in the Facebook thread might see your links do that would make it less of a futile exercise.

Mishaps Thu 09-Jun-16 22:25:24

This is totally out of order - it is disgraceful that someone should prey on a family at their most vulnerable. Could you simply ask her to stop doing this?

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