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To treat my flowergirl (9) with a dress myself?

(49 Posts)
Leta86 Thu 09-Jun-16 18:47:26

DP and I are getting married in September, and we decided to invite children as well, but not use them as props in the ceremony. I changed my mind later, as most kids are in his family, mostly boys and under 8, except one girl, lets call her Lucy (9). I kind of connected with her so I put my foot down and asked her to be my one and only flower girl. The thing is, she's the only daughter, with 3 brothers, so the parents have to be really careful with the money, meaning except school uniform and a selection of play clothes, there isn't that much to go around.

I didn't get her involved to dress her as a mannequin, but I'm a bit at my wits end where to go for her dress, especially since I'd really like to get her something both of us will consider beautiful and she'll be able to wear it on special occasions etc for a year or two (that's what I'm hoping for, but I do realise a growth spur might be around the corner). Any ideas as to where to go for this?

Second thing, I might have made a bit of a faux-pas mentioning it in front of her without discussing it with her parents first. She went jumping up and down, but her mum, although obviously pleased, had seemed a bit worried at the time. I suppose it is connected to the cost of the dress, so my other question is, what is the most tactical way to tell her I'd like to pay for the dress without hurting her feelings?

Any advice would be much appreciated smile

moocowmrs Thu 09-Jun-16 18:50:34

I would just arrange a shopping trip and treat her, just say something simple like its part of the budget or my treat if needs be the bigger an issue you make it the more of an issue it will become.

thenewaveragebear1983 Thu 09-Jun-16 18:51:47

I'd just tell her straight out that you want to pay, its probably the norm for the bride to pay for the dresses. We got beautiful summer party dresses from monsoon for our flower girl, debenhams also do nice ones, as did bhs before they closed.

Hulababy Thu 09-Jun-16 18:51:54

DD was very excited to be a flower girl/bridesmaid around the same age.

For what its worth DD wanted the proper bridesmaid dress type outfit - not just a normal dress she could wear again. To be honest the way she was growing at that age she wouldn't have got much wear out if any special occasion dress anyway. You could always eBay afterwards.

To be fair, the norm is for the bride to pay for the bridesmaid/flower girls dress - so I wouldn't be coy about it. Just ask mum when is the best time for you to take the girl (and mum) shopping so you can buy her dress,.

ineedaholidaynow Thu 09-Jun-16 18:54:16

I would have thought it was usually the wedding couple who paid for the dress not the girl's parents, so there should be no awkwardness in offering to pay

Motherfuckers Thu 09-Jun-16 18:55:37

You should pay anyway, so you won't be hurting anyone's feelings.

neonrainbow Thu 09-Jun-16 18:56:44

Tk maxx or a charity shop the specialises in bridal. My bm had a stunning princess dress that cost me £20 from a charity shop plus alterations. She didnt know it was from a charity shop. To buy new it would have been £150 plus.

HickDead Thu 09-Jun-16 18:57:14

Lindy Bop do girls versions of their adult vintage style dresses that will look really bridesmaid-y worn with the petticoat but can be also dressed down a bit without.

Leta86 Thu 09-Jun-16 18:57:43

Debenhams and Monsoon sound nice.

I think I'll let her decide what type of dress she wants, ie bridesmaid/non-bridesmaid.

My apologies for misunderstanding, I didn't mean to imply I expected anyone else to pay for the dress, of course, I just thought that was behind the mum's worried face. Maybe I was wrong. Do you think it could be something else?

LineyReborn Thu 09-Jun-16 18:57:44

You should be paying for her whole outfit anyway, so I don't see the problem?

LineyReborn Thu 09-Jun-16 18:59:02

Maybe she thinks you'll want her to pay for pricey shoes and accessories. You should pay for those, too.

RJnomore1 Thu 09-Jun-16 19:01:02

She's 9, maybe mums worried she will play up?

Sprink Thu 09-Jun-16 19:01:31

I don't think paying for bridesmaid and flower girl dresses is as normal as everyone thinks. It's a fairly recent development.

You can, of course (I did), but it's certainly not something one should expect.

Leta86 Thu 09-Jun-16 19:02:29

Liney, I don't think so, I told her she is included in my hair/make-up package, as is her posy in my flower arrangements.

How soon before the wedding should I take her shopping?

Leta86 Thu 09-Jun-16 19:04:07

RJnomore1, I couldn't possibly imagine her playing up, she's the type of a child you wish you had for your own!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 09-Jun-16 19:04:34

Yy just what pp said,

"I'm so glad X can be my flower girl, now when would be a good time for you and X to come out with me so I can buy her dress?"

And also Next, Monsoon, John Lewis and Littlewoods.

Iamliftzilla Thu 09-Jun-16 19:05:44

Maybe she's worried you are going to get her done up with makeup?

mrsm43s Thu 09-Jun-16 19:05:47

If I had four children I don't think I'd be happy about only one of them being singled out to part of the wedding party. I suspect that's probably what was bothering mum. I'd be of the opinion that you include all or none personally, unless there was a particular reason (and "being a girl" wouldn't be enough).

Skittlesss Thu 09-Jun-16 19:08:05

My SIL bought my DD's flowergirl dress from BHS - it had 30% off as they were shutting down or something like that.

Leta86 Thu 09-Jun-16 19:12:54

mrsm43s, her brothers are 1 year (twins) and 2.5 year old. Don't think she'd be annoyed about them not being included. Come to think of it, I think childcare is the problem on her mind...

Is it possible to hire a nanny for a day somewhere? I could hire a room for their naps and request a partition with some toys in there? I really want people to relax and not worry about things.

Fozzleyplum Thu 09-Jun-16 19:15:47

BHS does amazing bridesmaid dresses and I guess they'll be on salesad

Obeliskherder Thu 09-Jun-16 19:19:10

You can hire a nanny for a day but it's quite likely the parents aren't happy to park them with a stranger for the day. Talk to them, find out what the issue is.

CodyKing Thu 09-Jun-16 19:20:35

I'm sure mom would be delighted her daughter gets to be centre of attention for a day - text her about the dress -

Maybe they weren't planning on coming with outfits and gifts to consider and you made it akward for them to decline?

ohtheholidays Thu 09-Jun-16 19:22:56

It's normal for the bride to be to pay for the dress,shoes,any hair pieces for the flower girl,bridesmaids,matron of honour anyways OP so maybe she looked worried because you didn't mention that you'd be paying for her DD's outfit.

paxillin Thu 09-Jun-16 19:24:40

You might want to get her some simple ballerina pumps, too. Quite possibly she has school shoes, wellies and trainers. Your plan sounds lovely.

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