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AIBU?

To be paranoid this was a dare?

35 replies

Sarahndipity · 09/06/2016 14:55

A couple of nights ago I went to a friend of a friend's university town for a party. For context they are all midway through university (20/21?) and I'm 24, so a bit older. A few of the boys there were flirting a bit but I put it down to alcohol and me being a new face I'm not attractive at all

Anyway one guy who I thought was very good-looking and I were chatting on and off throughout the course of the evening, culminating in him inviting me back to his shared house... He was drunk...

I can't shake off the feeling now that it was some kind of dare and he doesn't find me attractive at all?! The whole older woman thing?? Trying to impress his friends by getting with someone older? Urgh

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Sarahndipity · 09/06/2016 14:56

Apparently his friends were all talking about it in a drunken student way when we left, like egging him on a bit?

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Sarahndipity · 09/06/2016 14:57

Sorry that doesn't make sense, I mean his friends were weirdly proud of him apparently. That's what someone told me after anyway. Not sure how to take it :s

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CaoNiMa · 09/06/2016 14:57

Well, I suppose even if it were a dare, you had fun! Unless you didn't...

Pootles2010 · 09/06/2016 14:58

Oh love, i get where you're coming from, i thought this often at uni, but really, you're being daft! I'm sure you're lovely!

And 24 is not older woman you dozy bugger!

WhereTheFuckIsMyCunt · 09/06/2016 14:59

I really wouldn't have thought that they'd think much of a 24-21 age difference. It's not like you're Mrs Robinson age.

Pootles2010 · 09/06/2016 14:59

And boys do egg each other on on night out - thats fairly normal! Just drunk lads, so long as its nice and respectful, of course.

Was he any good?

WhereTheFuckIsMyCunt · 09/06/2016 15:00

Id have thought if they were egging him on it wouldn't be a dare. More a case of him wondering if he had a chance and them telling him to go for it!

Sarahndipity · 09/06/2016 15:00

Ok thanks. To be fair I can scrub up well and do get my own fair share of attention, I just don't understand why he picked me? And can't help but feel it was because I'm a bit older or it was a challenge?

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EveryoneElsie · 09/06/2016 15:01

I think the person who told you about that afterwards is stirring things up. they havent said any thing helpful or concrete.

Accept what happened as a fun one night stand and leave it at that. You didnt have any doubts until someone put them in your mind.

Sarahndipity · 09/06/2016 15:02

The person who told me at the end is my friend, she just commented jokingly that it had been the talk of their friendship group, I think she meant it as a compliment.

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Drbint · 09/06/2016 15:02

An older woman at 3 years more? Er, no, I doubt any of them realized you weren't 21 yourself, or cared.

EveryoneElsie · 09/06/2016 15:05

Then you are over thinking it!

sianihedgehog · 09/06/2016 15:06

Aaaahahahahha, three years older?! Op, I very much doubt that was an issue. I think they all just thought you were out of his league.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 09/06/2016 15:09

I think he really liked you and his friends knew it. So that's why they were "proud' of him, for lack of a better word.

I'm sure you are attractive. Don't be so modest!

whattodowiththepoo · 09/06/2016 15:10

Awwww! You are majorly over thinking this, you are 24 not 54.

MrsJorahMormont · 09/06/2016 15:18

I thought there was going to be a 20 year age gap or something and even then I would have said just take it at face value :o

Pinkheart5915 · 09/06/2016 15:24

Stop over thinking!

Even if it was a dare ( very likely it wasn't) as long as you enjoyed the evening and his attention it doesn't matter.

I doubt it was the older woman thing your only 2/3 years older.

Don't say your not attractive, I believe everybody is attractive in some way.

VioletBam · 09/06/2016 15:38

Older woman! You're 24!

Come back again when you're 43 like me...and wrinkly. THEN you can ask if it was a dare!

Of course it wasn't. Look in the mirror and be fabulous! You will never be this young again.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/06/2016 15:45

I hardly think you're an "older woman"!

Sarahndipity · 09/06/2016 15:47

So you lot think it was a compliment??

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MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 09/06/2016 15:48

Why would you talk about yourself in such a negative way?

I'm sure you're perfectly nice and normal and why wouldn't he be interested?

Honestly have a word with yourself and stop being so down on yourself "I'm not attractive at all". Ugh. Come on, be a bit kinder to yourself and stop seeking the validation of others. Because that's unattractive :)

DustyBustle · 09/06/2016 15:52

Really, 24 and you're analysing this non event?
Honest?

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x2boys · 09/06/2016 15:52

As others said 3 yrs is hardly older women and just because theres a bit of gossip it doesnt mean its a dare people do gossip will you be seeing him again is it just a one off?

nobilityobliges · 09/06/2016 15:53

Oh god, 24 is clearly not older woman territory, but old enough not to be sent into paroxysms of self doubt over every interaction with others. Sorry to be harsh, but you can't live like this.

EveryoneElsie · 09/06/2016 15:55

If you didnt think it was a compliment at the time, you should have said no.
In future you may want to say no if its going to cause you angst afterwards; this means you are not emotionally ready for sex. And especially not for one night stands.

So for now how about you try abstinence, and go for CBT to improve your self esteem. You can also go for assertiveness classes.

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