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to wonder if you hold a grudge?

(57 Posts)
RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 09-Jun-16 12:09:40

I've never been a regular but I used to post on here a few years ago (namechanged since). On one thread I had a disagreement with another poster, fair enough it happens.

But said poster then followed me twice and made snide comments. It put me off posting and actually quite upset me at the time.

I've just seen two posters get into quite a personal argument. So I wondered if they would remember each other on different threads and be inclined to take against each other again.

What do you think? AIBU to think that other people do this, or was I just unlucky before?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 09-Jun-16 12:12:52

Yes I hold a grudge but it makes me avoid people rather than lay into them.

Quite hard to avoid people who name change and then suddenly rip into you due to their grudge though.

NavyAndWhite Thu 09-Jun-16 12:25:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 09-Jun-16 12:30:17

I had someone name change and bring up something I had said at least 5 years ago out of context in attempt to embarrass me. Sad fecker.

WorraLiberty Thu 09-Jun-16 12:33:22

I think life is a bit too short to hold a grudge against a random on the internet.

Plus, those who have a tendency to make personal insults/remarks, also have a tendency to name change. So how do you even know who you're holding a grudge against?

Much better to deal with posts/posters as and when a situation arises. Say your piece and then just leave it.

Arfarfanarf Thu 09-Jun-16 12:35:42


one poster said my children's disabilities were my karma. It'll be a cold day in hell before I let that one go.

I would probably hold more if we weren't all namechanging all the time :D

people remember bad things said to them. Same as in any other form of interaction. And it's not always easy to let that go. There seems to be an expectation that because the words are written and communicated via internet that they don't matter or should be erased from memory. It doesn't work like that. You remember when someone has been a shit to you in your job, in the pub, in your family and you remember it on the internet too, much as people try to pretend otherwise. I bet we've all got someone on here we've pissed off.

shovetheholly Thu 09-Jun-16 12:35:48

I am incapable of holding a grudge.

I would like to pretend that this is because I'm a lovely, forgiving person.

But it is actually because I can barely remember what my name is and what day of the week we're on, let alone what someone did yesterday. And also, because it requires levels of sustained emotional commitment to being offended that I cannot muster in relation to either real life or internet slights.

NavyAndWhite Thu 09-Jun-16 12:38:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Thu 09-Jun-16 12:43:19

Loads of people have a grudge against me. When I name changed after having a break for a few months, there was someone pathetic enough to act like a fucking detective and bring up my past names, past threads etc...

EveryoneElsie Thu 09-Jun-16 12:46:06

I avoid people I dislike. I guess that passive grudgery grin
I tend to dislike people who are actively spiteful, malicious or nasty so dont see it as a problem.

branofthemist Thu 09-Jun-16 12:46:37

I don't hold grudges. But I do avoid posters.

Some people are complete cocks, same as real life. grin

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 09-Jun-16 12:46:52

Bloody hell! NavyAndWhite and MeAndMy3LovelyBoys

I'd have been running for the hills!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 09-Jun-16 12:47:01

It always astounds me the lengths people will go to to make a stranger feel bad online.

paxillin Thu 09-Jun-16 12:48:43

I had an aggressive "You lookin' at me? You want some? What's your problem, eh?" PM once. I think "ooh, look it's the dim apoplectic" when I see her posts.

YourPerception Thu 09-Jun-16 12:49:50

No I simply avoid certain posters.

MiffleTheIntrovert Thu 09-Jun-16 12:53:26

I remember DaftPunk once saying that no one else would say it out loud but no one wanted their DC to sit next to the DC with SN in the classroom.

I held a grudge for that. In fact I think that was the first time I cried off the back of a MN post!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 09-Jun-16 12:54:21

Loads of people say that out loud these days. Sadly.

WorraLiberty Thu 09-Jun-16 12:56:35

paxillin I've had one like that in the past grin

Predictably, they'd name changed before sending it.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Thu 09-Jun-16 12:58:28

So is name changing a kind of way to be mean and get away with it?

I only name changed when I came back because my old one was crap grin

Pagwatch Thu 09-Jun-16 13:00:34

I don't hold grudges. Funnily enough the only two people I really remember feeling vindictive towards were a troll who laid into me about my son and an absoloute twat on the SN board.

I remember the SN board twat having half a dozen posters support her and I remember a couple of them with a sense of disappointment that they joined in while she was being an utter cunt. On the SN board.
To balance that I remember very clearly the poster who turned up to say 'what the fuck are you lot doing?' Lovely people.

But that's it. After 10 years or so.

WorraLiberty Thu 09-Jun-16 13:02:41

So is name changing a kind of way to be mean and get away with it?

Well obviously people need to stay within the guidelines, but yes, some people do NC just to have a pop at someone, or because they've had a pop at someone.

PreciousVagine Thu 09-Jun-16 13:04:24

I don't hold grudges but there's people I can't help but remember because of some of the offensive shit they've posted repeatedly. You'll be reading a thread about a certain topic and read a nasty post and sure enough it's that person you remember from last time. Haven't seen one of them for a while though so that's nice!

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Thu 09-Jun-16 13:08:20

OP it was really bizarre and upsetting.

I'll admit I do hold a bit of a grudge against certain posters who have been personal to me in the past. You can't really forget about the times when posters have upset you or frustrated you beyond belief. I have posted one or two digs in the past but nothing major.
One of them not that long ago. I pulled someone up on the fact that she didn't like another poster assuming things about her, when she has done a lot of assuming about me in the past. I just said to her something along the lines of "Not nice is it". She just did her usual sarky response with a smiley face.

Pagwatch Thu 09-Jun-16 13:16:28

I think one of the very best things about MN is that you can be disagree furiously on one thread and agree completely on another.
It's less so now I think but it was one of the things I liked most when I first came.

Binkybix Thu 09-Jun-16 13:19:32

I don't hold grudges as such but I definitely remember the 'personalities' of posters and probably read future posts coloured by that perception. And there are some I just won't join in a thread if they are prominent on it.

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