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To be sad, hurt and angry about being dumped from girly holiday?

(133 Posts)
Tlb71 Thu 09-Jun-16 09:54:34

My first post so forgive me if I fluff any etiquette issues. I have been part of a group of friends for 3 years and we go out for dinner every month. I met them through my SIL at her hen do years ago and when we moved to the area SIL invited me to join them. It's been lovely thus far and I haven't been aware of any issues. It is tradition for the group to go away for major birthdays and this year Dubrovnik was chosen as the destination for one of the girls 50th birthday celebrations. This was mooted in Jan and I was about to go away for three months with DH and DS to Aus to see his mum but I said I'd go with the consensus re accommodation options and I' wasn't fussy. Our first dinner since we got back we talked about Dubrovnik and was asked if I still wanted to go - I said yes, very excited. I had a txt the next day from the girl arranging the travel to give me flight details to book and accommodation options - I said I didn't mind and would again go with the consensus but one villa was particularly lovely. Then another group txt came through to say there was concern over costs and to hold on. Then I got a txt from the birthday girl saying that as I was now coming it means that the accommodation they were looking at wasn't big enough and they would now need a more expensive option. She didn't think it was 'fair to ask the others to pay more and it would be best if I didn't go. Sorry xx'. This contradicts the txt from the other girl slightly and I'm not sure I've been given a straight story - I don't think the detail matters. I haven't responded but I've not heard from my SIL who I'm assuming was aware of the discussion the others had. Not sure what to do - DH is furious with SIL (they're not particularly close).

acasualobserver Thu 09-Jun-16 10:00:02

The text actually used the words, "it would be best if you didn't go"? Charming.

ImperialBlether Thu 09-Jun-16 10:01:40

Oh that's horrible! Is it accurate? How many were going, including you?

Thefitfatty Thu 09-Jun-16 10:01:54

Wow. That's just bitchy.

MonkeyBrainsInPickle Thu 09-Jun-16 10:03:26

What a bitch. I wouldn't want to go on holiday with such a bitchy cow anyway. Their loss.

Thefitfatty Thu 09-Jun-16 10:07:20

I'd text back, "Oh, well I don't think it's fair to ask me not to go. Since you're so worried about fairness, perhaps it's best if you didn't go, then everyone will be happy."

WalkingZed Thu 09-Jun-16 10:07:34

YANBU to feel hurt and left out.sad

Sorry for the way you've been treated.

Could you brazen it out and insist you still want to go; that might be the measure of how they really view you as a friend.

If you don't go any person worth their salt would have severe conscience issues over this and will probably have a rubbish time anyway!

icanteven Thu 09-Jun-16 10:08:11

That is hugely mean. "I was now coming" implies that at some point you weren't coming, but it seems like you have always been a part of the trip?

I would text her back and ask her what she means - that you've always been coming on this trip, since it was brought up in January, and how on earth did she get the impression that you had changed your mind along the way. Offer to help research a villa, as she is obviously confused about numbers.

I wouldn't imagine that they are trying to squeeze you out - I think that this woman has fucked up her maths and is now being a bitch to you to try to wriggle out of it.

WankersHacksandThieves Thu 09-Jun-16 10:08:27

That sounds horrid sad

So there has been no issue or strain or anything at your dinner meet ups? Have you been away on one of these trips with them before? I think you will need to take the bull by the horns and find out what's going on from SIL.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 09-Jun-16 10:11:14

I would text back and say 'but I was always coming, I've always said that'. I wouldn't go though, I'd be too hurt.

Tlb71 Thu 09-Jun-16 10:15:53

Thanks all. I wouldn't mind but we all spoke about it over dinner on sat so it seemed a surprise that she was surprised. I'm def not going. DH has promised to take me instead - I feel brazenly shut out and if there has been anything I've not known about it (I don't think my emotional IQ is that bad).

Only1scoop Thu 09-Jun-16 10:19:38

Sounds like they didn't think you were going to go and have now panicked about cost.

It's a horrible text to receive though, they obviously have discussed it in their 'group' minus you.

It's a bit daft that your dh is mad with your sil though....I doubt it's solely her doing.

MidnightAura Thu 09-Jun-16 10:20:29


What a bitch to send that text!
I agree though you need to find out what's going on!

Tlb71 Thu 09-Jun-16 10:23:28

I think that DH is mad with his Sister because he doesn't think she defended my honour so to speak!

WankersHacksandThieves Thu 09-Jun-16 10:28:24

So, given that the trip is in October - what is going to happen about the monthly dinners?

What is your gut feeling? That Birthday girl has decided that she doesn't want you there or that there has been a genuine muddle up and they'd rather cut you out than sort it out?

Kidnapped Thu 09-Jun-16 10:30:46

There's no way you can go now though, surely? With them I mean? If you kick up a fuss and they relent and include you then it will be an awful trip. Better to know now that they are obviously horrible.

Your DH is lovely. Go with him instead. You could even go at the same time as them. Wave to them from across the aisle in the plane. smile

Tlb71 Thu 09-Jun-16 10:31:15

I think it's the latter - it's all a bit difficult so they've cut me out. I don't think I'll go to any more dinners. I can't face the awkward discussions as they plan their trip.

countrybump Thu 09-Jun-16 10:31:26

Can you speak to SIL to find out what happened and how the misunderstanding occurred?

Waltermittythesequel Thu 09-Jun-16 10:33:55

It sounds like a miscommunication to me.

If it's completely out of the blue, and BG doesn't have form for being a bitch, is it possible that they thought you weren't coming because of Australia?

DarkDarkNight Thu 09-Jun-16 10:34:04

That's awful, I would reply asking why she was under the impression you weren't going. They should have been looking at the right size accommodation from the start if that was the case. I wonder what the price difference is between villa 1 shared between say 5 people and villa 2 shared between 6.

The bitchiness would sour the whole thing for me, the text from the lady whose birthday it is was unnecessarily cruel.

APlaceOnTheCouch Thu 09-Jun-16 10:34:24

It sounds like its the birthday girl's doing so I don't think I'd be annoyed with your SIL. I'm guessing the birthday girl gets final say because its her celebration.

I'd call SIL and say 'you'll never guess - birthday girl has just uninvited me on the holiday!' Hopefully her reaction will tell you a bit more. You have an ongoing relationship with SIL so the call will give you the opportunity to see where she is on it all.

DianaMitford Thu 09-Jun-16 10:35:19

That is a bloody awful text! So horrible. I can't believe that she said that. Other pp are right though - hold your head up high and go with your DH instead. He sounds lovely. flowers

JessieMcJessie Thu 09-Jun-16 10:35:27

Call the texter and explain that she is mistaken as you were always coming. She should never have told you this by text, she is a coward because she knows she is in the wrong. Ending with kisses? ! FFS. Kiss my arse.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 09-Jun-16 10:36:04

"It would be best if you didn't come", and it would've been best for me had my 6 winning lottery numbers came bouncing out, last night, but. Unfortunately
I'm still whistling Dixie.
Who's she to dictate wether you're allowed on holiday or not. I'm afraid I'd still go and be a source of annoyance.
I do know what it's like being ostracised. It always used to happen to me with my"friends". I put up with it for years, but I'm older and wiser now.
They're now unsurprisingly ex friends

Tlb71 Thu 09-Jun-16 10:38:29

Thank you all for your messages. Is good to hear other perspectives and angles and I'll craft a response. Much appreciated. I'm off to look at nice hotels for a lovely break to Dubrovnik!! ☺️

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