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Aibu not to remind DH?

(81 Posts)
GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Thu 09-Jun-16 09:06:50

I am 99% certain that he has forgotten that he booked a swimming trial/assessment for DD this evening. DD is 3.5, DH booked it because the lessons are on Saturdays so he would be able to go with her as a DH&DD activity. Tonight's thing is an initial visit to see which class she would go into.
I am tempted to let him face the consequences of his lack of organisation for once; I don't think DD is aware it's happening as he hasn't mentioned it to her and it was booked a month ago, so she wouldn't feel let down by him.

In general DH is a good guy but he tends to force me into the 'life admin' by avoiding things. He never shirks his role as father though.

So wibu to make this his problem or aibu and petty and should just remind him?

CrazyDuchess Thu 09-Jun-16 09:08:03

As frustrating as it sounds, for swimming assessment I would remind him - it will be a lovely activity for them.

branofthemist Thu 09-Jun-16 09:10:06

See I don't get what's so bad about reminding some one.

Honestly I would appreciate someone reminding me of things.

I understand it an be annoying to be the one to do the reminding. But it's for your Dd.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Thu 09-Jun-16 09:10:09

i'd remind him, but make dammned sure I would not be available to pick up the slack.

NickNacks Thu 09-Jun-16 09:10:18

I dunno. I tend to think of us as team. Remembering appointments is my strength and dH has others that he uses for my benefit too (shopping being one!). I wouldn't begrudge having to remind him about something in the same way he doesn't begrudge doing things for me that I'm crap at.

FinallyHere Thu 09-Jun-16 09:14:27

I'm in two minds about this one. I started reminding DH about things, because at is one of my 'strengths'. I'm become frustrated, though, that he just wont keep a diary (how difficult is that, why would you not?) and just relies on me. I've slacked on on reminding him about anything except stuff I care about. I think DD's assessment for swimming would be something i cared about. Other things he does just for himself, no so much....

If i thought it was big enough that it would shock him i to being a bit more responsible... But wven then, not at DD's expense.

ToucheShay Thu 09-Jun-16 09:18:56

It's a man thing. Remind him as you would appreciate if he did the same.

Just say 'what time are you out tonight'. His reply should let you know if he has remembered.

"6pm!" - yes, he's remembered
"out?" - no, he's forgotten.

mrsfuzzy Thu 09-Jun-16 09:19:19

both partners bring strengths and weaknesses into a relationship, you learn to counter balance, i'm the life admin and dh does the yukky jobs i hate ! grin

CrazyDuchess Thu 09-Jun-16 09:20:39

Def not just a man thing - I have many "brains" my aunt and childminder regularly remind me about things because I am busy single mum working full time - it genuinely helps me

leopardspice Thu 09-Jun-16 09:22:13

You should remind him! You and dh should work together. I remind my dh of the little things "mums for tea on wed/I'm at running club on Thurs" he reminds me of the big things "mot due this month..." although I can see this is very much give but I wouldn't let my dd miss out on something fun

CurlyBlueberry Thu 09-Jun-16 09:22:37

If he needs to leave home at say 5.30pm, I'd remind him at 5.15pm and watch him panic grin that way he gets the consequence of a fright and having to quickly get everything ready and go, but your DD won't miss out.

leopardspice Thu 09-Jun-16 09:23:05

Give and take*

Energumene Thu 09-Jun-16 09:27:25

I think that as a couple you have to be a team, and each has different strengths and weaknesses. So I'd ask him what time he thought he'd be back from the swimming assessment this evening, which at least makes it sounds like you think he's on top of things.

That said, the vast majority of the population uses smartphones these days, which pretty much all have a calendar function. DH and I share our Google calendars so stuff just goes in and is then there for us to see and coordinate. And then you set notifications so that you get reminders in good time from your phone instead of your spouse.

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Thu 09-Jun-16 09:37:40

Hmmm, sounds like I might be u then. It just does my head in having to remember everything for everyone all the time. If I didn't arrange/organise/remember we would never do anything beyond the bare minimum. Sometimes I find the sense of responsibility quite stressful and overwhelming and I resent the fact that DH 'gets away with it'.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 09-Jun-16 09:38:51

It's not a MAN thing.
It's a lazy thing.
He knows OP will remind him so he doesn't need to THINK!!
If he has a phone he can put any appointments on there and have an alarm to remind him
It's not rocket science!

ClashCityRocker Thu 09-Jun-16 09:39:27

Why wouldn't you remind him when it's something that will ultimately benefit your daughter?

And what about the swim instructor, who will presumably still need to be paid for her time?

fascicle Thu 09-Jun-16 09:39:51

Whether or not your dd is aware, using this to teach your partner a lesson would presumably delay her starting classes. I would find another way to encourage him to be organised.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Thu 09-Jun-16 09:39:59

Touche I'm actually an organised man. But in recent months I've had assorted illnesses and felt ill for the best part of a year. I thought I was just unlucky and not getting over things before catching the next. But I started having some memory slips and that was enough to say to the doctor, something's not quite right. After tests I've been diagnosed with a B12 deficiency (my body is not absorbing it) and they suspect I've had it for some years and that my memory slips may well now be permanent. I'm going to be on injections for the rest of my life and hopefully I shan't get worse but long-term deficiency of B12 can lead to dementia.

It's not just because I'm a MAN. Let's put gender aside, shall we, as women can be scatterbrained too, you know.

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Thu 09-Jun-16 09:40:23

Think I'll go with Curly's suggestion so that DD doesn't miss out but he still has to be inconvenienced by his lack or forethought. Not sure what to do about DD's dinner though. It's at about 6pm so she would normally just have finished eating. Is the thing about not swimming after eating an old wives tale?

ClashCityRocker Thu 09-Jun-16 09:40:35

I totally get it, btw, but I think it only works if he's the only person impacted by it.

KittiesInsane Thu 09-Jun-16 09:40:55

Could you go for a vague 'Wasn't there something on this evening?'

SpotOfWeather Thu 09-Jun-16 09:44:23

It sounds really mean to not remind your partner of something like this. Why not?

I have forgotten to attend some of the kids lessons / activities over the years (obviously not on purpose and mostly it was a non-routine activity like the one you describe). I'd be mortified to know that my partner remembered but purposefully didn't tell me. I'd feel let down, would be very upset and would question the quality of our relationship.

Energumene Thu 09-Jun-16 09:47:01

OP, it's not unreasonable to say that you find something stressful and to work with him to find a solution to that. Deliberately setting him up to fail would be unreasonable, but you can have a conversation about how to manage things better so you can be sure he doesn't forget stuff.

StayAChild Thu 09-Jun-16 09:48:18

YANBU to be annoyed about his persistent forgetfulness, but a bit U to want him (and your daughter) to suffer for it in order to teach him a lesson. Instead, why not help him to improve his organisational skills? I know it must be infuriating for you though.

I noticed my DD and her DH have a calendar next to the fridge with a column for each of them, including the baby, and all events, including appointments are on there. They are both disorganised and I think this must help them a lot. It's much more visual than a phone calendar and you get a reminder every time you go to the fridge.

SapphireStrange Thu 09-Jun-16 09:55:43

I agree with Curly. Mention it casually when it's still early enough for them to get there, but late enough that he panics. Then afterwards you can kick his arse talk to him properly about improving things for the future.

This kind of thing is infuriating. I can't agree with 'He never shirks his role as father though'; IMO avoiding doing life admin if you're a parent IS shirking your role.

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