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(52 Posts)
alwaysinamuddle Wed 08-Jun-16 22:13:19

I started threads in both mental health and relationships and no replies.

I don't know where to turn so I've come here.
I have a history of suicide attempts due to poor mental health (linked to childhood and teenage trauma).
I can feel myself slipping, and I have no one I can turn to.
Ex-P has been badgering me non stop since I went NC, telling me he knows it's only a matter of time before I try it again, or I end up attacked again if I try to go and meet someone.
I'm scared of myself right now.
I've sent DS to his paternal nans for the night so he's not here to see me in a state.

What do I do?

I should explain the "attacked again".
After my last break up (5 years ago), I went on a bit of a boozy night out and ended up being sexually assaulted, which after previous childhood abuse has put a great deal of fear into me about meeting new people, and it was always Ex-P go to if he wanted to stop me going out while we were together.

(I've posted in mental health too, but unsure of whether it will be seen there)

alwaysinamuddle Wed 08-Jun-16 22:35:00

Please? Anybody? I'm so scared.

Asprilla11 Wed 08-Jun-16 22:38:13

alwaysinamuddle Have you got the phone number for your local Crisis Assessment & Treatment Team (CAT Team)?

Wolfiefan Wed 08-Jun-16 22:38:49

Can you call Samaritans?
Can anyone be with you?
GP tomorrow or go to hospital tonight?
You need to find a way to be safe until you can start treatment.

alwaysinamuddle Wed 08-Jun-16 22:41:50

I tried calling Samaritans but kept crying and couldn't talk clearly
I have no one I can ask to be with me, I don't know if I can get through till tomorrow.

I've been sat setting 5 minute timers on my phone all evening to get me through 5. Minutes at a time.

alwaysinamuddle Wed 08-Jun-16 22:43:14

I don't know who the CAT team are?

Asprilla11 Wed 08-Jun-16 22:43:48

OP - Have a look at this and see if there is a CAT near you

Asprilla11 Wed 08-Jun-16 22:44:06

CAT Team*

Wolfiefan Wed 08-Jun-16 22:46:40

It doesn't matter if you cry on the phone to them. It DOES matter that you get through tonight.
Can you call crisis team or present to A&E?

TamaraHiddlestoned Wed 08-Jun-16 22:47:40

Handholding (& hugs too, if you want them)
You are better than your ex; he's the loser, and pathetic at that.
You are precious & loved. Keep strong & keep posting

Asprilla11 Wed 08-Jun-16 22:51:20

OP if you can say where you are (roughly, nearest town/city) then I'll see if I can find the Crisis Team phone number who deal with your area? They usually answer 24hrs.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees Wed 08-Jun-16 23:08:17

You feel at rock bottom now but you can and will feel better - there is support out there. Perhaps see your GP first thing tomorrow? Reaching out for help takes a weight off immediately.

I have no really useful advice except to say you have something very special to fight for - your son. He loves and needs you.

Good luck.

TommyandGina Wed 08-Jun-16 23:12:28

Can you get to a&e? My dp was in a similar position to you last weekend, we ended up there and since then he's been under the CAT team for regular phone calls, and is slowly improving.

If not, just try the Samaritans again, they'll listen even if you do just want to cry. Keep us updated, can you find something to do to occupy your time a little?

ohlittlepea Wed 08-Jun-16 23:19:34

online hand hold some really great suggestions on here. Im sorry things are so rough on you right now. Five minutes at a time, one breath at a time one step at a time, you will survive, and cone out the other side of this lonely desperate sadness. Can you run up and down your stairs? Do star jumps? I know it sounds stupid but movement can reset those dark feelings sometimes. Loads of weird and wonderful exercise videos on YouTube if you think moving is worth a go.

MissElizaBennettsBookmark Wed 08-Jun-16 23:29:58

Nothing useful to say, just wanted to hug you. Please stay OP xxx


Summerblaze100 Wed 08-Jun-16 23:46:32

Ring the Samaritans back. Or go to A&E. Don't wait, do something now.

alwaysinamuddle Wed 08-Jun-16 23:51:36

Sorry all, I went into the shower to try and calm myself. It isn't working, I think my closest anything is Yate, but I don't know? I'm in a village pretty much in the sticks with no access to my car (I left the keys in sons bag accidentally).

I just don't know how long I can hold on.
It sounds silly but last time this happened I ended up in a blubbery mess and the next thing I knew I was in hospital on a drip after having my stomach pumped. They said I'd tried to get the bus there and collapsed.

I'm scared because I feel like I won't be able to stop myself.

Asprilla11 Wed 08-Jun-16 23:57:08

OP - Ring this number (Bristol CAT Team) 0300 555 0334, presuming that Yate is near Bristol. They are open 24 hrs.

ohlittlepea Wed 08-Jun-16 23:57:52

Well done for trying the shower, Can you call 999? They will want to help you.

alwaysinamuddle Thu 09-Jun-16 00:01:00

I'll try the CAT number first before 999.
I just feel like I'd be being a nuisance.

Asprilla11 Thu 09-Jun-16 00:03:10

OP - The CAT team will talk to you, if they feel you need an ambulance they will call one too, they are part of the NHS and will be non-judgemental and happy for you to call.

shiveringhiccup Thu 09-Jun-16 00:39:59

Just wanted to send lots of care and support your way.

You are not alone. This will get better. People need and love you - especially your son

Please do call the CAT team, or if not please call Samaritans or 999.

Thinking about you.

Comfortzone Thu 09-Jun-16 00:51:25

your son will be looking forward to seeing you tomorrow

call the Bristol CAT number 24hrs

can you think of a treat you'd like to share with your son tomorrow? You can get through this for him

Comfortzone Thu 09-Jun-16 00:53:04

Have you been able to eat anything today? Banana and toast , glass of milk? This sometimes styles me when I'm in my anxious low place and feel stuck trapped exhausted etc

Stay strong OP

alwaysinamuddle Thu 09-Jun-16 01:03:40

I had an apple at lunch time, but it made me feel really sick.
I've been I pain all day too which hasn't helped, and I'm out of sleeping meds so I can't just take one and hope the morning will be better.

I'm trying to find the courage to make the call now, but I'm a incoherent mess.

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