AIBU for wanting to leave?(12 Posts)
I need help, advice, a virtual cuddle and maybe a bit of a bollocking.
I've never posted before, so patience please.
I met the love of my life (corny I know, but absolutely true), 4 years ago. I had two children already, my gorgeous girl had just been diagnosed with a severe epileptic syndrome. A previous bastard had stripped me of every bit of confidence, so to meet someone as amazing as this was a godsend and terrifying.
Anyhoo, all went swimmingly, he's a natural father, works unbelievably hard for us all and we were overjoyed to be expecting our own bundle (read mini dad). Whilst pregnant, my daughter suffered a series of epileptic crises', went from bad to worse with seizures in excess of 200 per day. So, we got our heads together and decided that for the future, we needed to find a house which could later be adapted for her needs. Found said house, I had the deposit saved and he took out the mortgage. All wonderful, worked tirelessly to renovate; I was still tiling just five days before my youngest goblin arrived. In the meantime, my daughters' condition was becoming more and more desperate, so we looked to securing finance to pay for wet room installation and a downstairs bedroom in the event she should need a wheelchair. Don't get me wrong, with this condition, Lennox Gastaut Syndrome, the outcome can be shattering, but we're a strong family and I felt stronger for by being proactive.
Then started the shit storm. The neighbour, who had seemed odd, ramped it up, and began a hate campaign against us. The police had to be involved, the Antisocial behaviour team, local neighborhood watch etc. it then transpired that she's done it to every other tenant that has ever lived here, but they just buggered off because...well,they could. But we've bought it, so now, we're stuck in a house that were utterly miserable in (the situation has been going on for two years), we can't carry out any of the planned works for my disabled daughter because the house is worth sod all,my kids are terrified of her,my man is working endlessly to pay for a mortgage on a house that is in negative equity.
We immediately started legal proceedings against the seller as he was well aware of the issues this woman has caused, and this looks set to roll until next March at the earliest. A surveyor has told us that in order to sell the house, we would need to reduce the price by AT LEAST 30%, so the bank is saying we can't sell unless we stump up the deficit, in cash.
I've ended up on diazepam, because I'm an anxious wreck, the stalking continues, the police are saying until she physically harms either myself or one of my babies then they can't take action because although her behaviour constitutes stalking, it's a grey area because she lives there. To top it all, my tiniest has had her first seizure.
So my actual question, and thanks to anyone who actually had the stamina to stick around through that, is should I find somewhere rented for me and the kids? Because right now, I feel like I can't take anymore
That sounds so awful. Have a virtual cuddle and some hand holding. I don't actually have an answer but couldn't read and run.
It doesn't seem unreasonable to rent somewhere in the short term if that's what you need to do and can afford it.
A person can be successful prosecuted fpr harassing their neighbours even of they never leave their own property to do it. Maybe try taking it further up the chain of command with police if you possibly can.
OMG that sounds terrible.
police are saying until she physically harms either myself or one of my babies then they can't take action because although her behaviour constitutes stalking, it's a grey area because she lives there
That sounds like lazy police work. Could you afford to see a good lawyer who might be able to suggest a plan of action?
Thankyou for your replies, and Thankyou hugely for the cuddle!!
We have four cameras surrounding our house now after paint stripper was poured on the car, and the cctv clearly shows her hiding in the bushes or watching us from the driveway. The police have been heartbreakingly crap, and it feels very much like I'm alone with it. My man is very lucky, he goes to work which is some respite. I work from home so feel imprisoned. And a weird thing happens every time I leave the house, I involuntarily shake. Not just a bit, but tremor-like. I don't recognize who i am.
I can't afford a lawyer, and truthfully, to afford to rent would mean finance.
I feel terrible to even think about leaving my partner...but surely I need to do the right thing for my littles?
Poor you, this is an awful situation to be in. Virtual hug from me too.
Is there not a way you can prosecute the neighbour for criminal damage if you have proof of the paint stripper? Can you apply for a restraining order or something so if she touches your property she can be arrested? It does sound like the police are being a bit rubbish, I had a stalker once (years ago when I was at uni) and the police were amazing at sorting it.
Is she mentally unstable? (Sounds like it) Does she have family you can talk to to get her sectioned?
Burn her house down when she's out so you can force her to move and if there is an investigation tell them you didn't physically harm her so they can't touch you!!
Couldn't just read and run. I can't believe the police can't do something. Perhaps try the citizens advice bureau? She's harassing you and it doesn't have to be physical violence to be illegal xx
As you cannot afford a solicitor can you not try the CAB - they can provide legal advice or most uni law schools have schemes where students (under supervision) advise. Make a complaint to the police ombudsman about the poor police Advice
DreamingofItaly all of her family seem to be terrified of her, the only sense I've ever had out of any of them was when my baby was born and her partner told me she hates me because she'd lost a baby once. Oh I've had it all, she called my daughter a retard for wearing a helmet, she's taken pictures of my son. She's undoubtedly unstable, but I'm struggling to sympathize any more because it's tearing us apart. When paint stripper was put on the car, the officer said, we know who it is, but we can't prove it. i feel like I'm waiting for an attack.
Citizens advice may be a route, and didn't know that about law students so much appreciated, I'll definitely pursue that. It's amazing how much better I feel for some outside perspectives, Thankyou all 😘
I have no suggestions I am afraid but wanted to send you hugs and
I would definitely speak to CAB if you can't afford a solicitor and I would push to have the police review the case and complain via the appropriate channels because they are being ridiculous
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