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To want to know when BIL is dropping by?

(75 Posts)
Helgathehairy Wed 08-Jun-16 15:25:14

I know this is trivial but I'm hot and pregnant and possibly too easily annoyed.

BIL lives 25 mins drive away - not far in the grand scheme of things. He has never called and asked am I home (I'm a SAHM), he just calls if I'm not home. (DH had a word about the phone calls because I'd answer the phone and his exact words used to be "hello, where are you" in almost a rude tone of voice).

AIBU to just want a bit of notice. Today I just noticed him in time to put my bra back on!
Also if the front door is unlocked he'll just walk straight in even though I've told him he's frightened me a few times.

MoreGilmoreGirls Wed 08-Jun-16 15:27:24

What does he come round for? Seems very odd YANBU keep your door locked and just don't answer if it's not convenient.

EatShitDerek Wed 08-Jun-16 15:27:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf Wed 08-Jun-16 15:28:20

What does he come over for?

honeysucklejasmine Wed 08-Jun-16 15:29:43

Huh? So, he does ring in advance? Or he did but did so rudely so doesn't anymore?

Please lock your front door if people can walk in off the street.

mrsbates070707 Wed 08-Jun-16 15:30:19

I don't like people turning up unannounced. It is a bit odd I must admit - are you and BIL good friends?

OurBlanche Wed 08-Jun-16 15:30:49

Ah! With your DH fully in board their is one fun way to sort this out... next time, look shocked, reach for your phone, scrabble at the keys frantically and scream Oh my god... help... help... oh god it's YOU. GET OUT YOU FUCKING DICK HEAD!

Back when we were still in contact BIL did this to me a few times, despite knowing I had ME and was likely to be asleep in the front room. I happened to see his car as he parked. I grabbed a cushion and waited... threw it at him and screamed for help as he blustered his way into the house.

It did work, though I was forever labelled unfriendly and unwelcoming!

Helgathehairy Wed 08-Jun-16 15:31:47

We live closer to town (although still in the country) than he does. Sometimes he'll drop in on his way somewhere else, sometimes he doesn't say. Today it was for a pressure washer DH said he could borrow, yesterday evening was because he was too early for the cinema, last week one time he was on his way somewhere else and another time he just dropped in.

I know I should keep the door locked but I have a dog that's in and out like a yoyo and I forget.

NeedACleverNN Wed 08-Jun-16 15:32:15

I would be tempted to start lounging about half naked.

I did it when I was pregnant because I really suffered in the heat. Being naked(bar knickers) in the house was the only answer.

This way he will have to ring and knock before turning up just in case he sees you naked grin

Pinkheart5915 Wed 08-Jun-16 15:32:38

Don't see the problem, if your in fine let him in if your out and he calls just say sorry I am out today call round another time.

My parents in law live 10 minutes away by car and have always popped in, mil more so since fil died its no problem if I am home.

oldlaundbooth Wed 08-Jun-16 15:34:11

' yesterday evening was because he was too early for the cinema,'

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Don't answer the door.

StealthPolarBear Wed 08-Jun-16 15:34:54

Honey he calls if she isn't in

EatShitDerek Wed 08-Jun-16 15:34:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helgathehairy Wed 08-Jun-16 15:35:24

I realise I worded the phone part badly when I reread it. He doesn't call in advance. He calls if he gets to the house and I'm not there.

blanch I did actually shout at him the last time he did it! Usually I can see him when he pulls up.

We don't live on a street, there's no through traffic past my house (unless your lost - you just drive into a farm yard)

FinallyHere Wed 08-Jun-16 15:36:19

This might be why front doors usually come with a lock fitted.

If you leave it unlocked, you may be lucky that so far, only BIL has 'forced' his way in. What would you do if it were someone else? [shudders]

Pagwatch Wed 08-Jun-16 15:36:33

Could you just tell him you need him to knock?

I wouldn't find saying 'when you just walk in unannounced you scare the crap out of me so knock/ring.' any problem.
I'd find it hard to say 'stop dropping by' unless I didn't like him.

Helgathehairy Wed 08-Jun-16 15:40:52

We get on but have nothing in common so it's really awkward making small talk when he's here
It's better when DH is here but even last night DH just started playing in another room with DD because he didn't have anything to say to him.

Pagwatch Wed 08-Jun-16 15:45:10

Ah, then maybe get a new door.


RoboticSealpup Wed 08-Jun-16 15:45:40

I think his behaviour is both selfish and a bit strange. Does he expect you to drop what you're doing and entertain him/listen to him talk/make tea, as well? Or does he just come to see the children?

OurBlanche Wed 08-Jun-16 15:49:11

So he's just doing what family does and popping in?

Yes, he is just opening the door and walking in... and phoning and demanding an audience if OP is not home.

Just what every family does!

Unless you are me and prefer that people knock... and accept that without a call to arrange anything I might just be, you know.... out!

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 08-Jun-16 15:49:13

It's better when DH is here but even last night DH just started playing in another room with DD because he didn't have anything to say to him. Hell no. DH does this when his Dad is wittering on interminably and I've told him it's not on.

Lock the door. Open a crack if he shows up and say "it's not convenient, call next time". I hate droppers-by. Wankers.

Helgathehairy Wed 08-Jun-16 15:51:35

robotic bit of everything. He often talks about his problems job hunting (WHOLE other issue MIL is tearing her hair out) but he will play with DD. The last day I left him at it and mopped the floor while he was playing outside with her but he said himself he's not great with kids and he's very anxious about being left with her. He comes running if she falls over for example (she's almost 3).

flowerpower10 Wed 08-Jun-16 15:51:52

Yikes poor you BIL totally out of order I personally think anyone should ask if it's ok to pop over to our home

Helgathehairy Wed 08-Jun-16 15:57:02

Mrs it was ok becaus I was playing with DD first, DH just joined us. If he'd left me there with BIL that would have been different.

EttaJ Wed 08-Jun-16 16:01:01

It's weird. I wouldn't put up with it. Surprised by the few that think it's normal/acceptable behaviour. He shouldn't be turning up unannounced and he certainly shouldn't be letting himself in. Keep the door locked. DH should tell him to stop the visits and phone calls, how rude. Just weird.

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