AIBU to be incredibly bothered by neighbours complaint?(661 Posts)
We have lived in our house very happily for the last thirteen years. For the last five years we have been living next to very fussy neighbours. A couple in their thirties,No kids,no pets ,she does yoga in her garden,bakes from home and cycles around in an old fashioned big wheeled bike with a basket full of fresh bread and flowers.He works all day and seems very quiet. A perfect couple I guess.
We have six children here aged between 8 months and 13 years. The eldest two have special needs (autism /mobility problems)
We've always been super aware of not making noise to annoy anyone . The kids with the SN are in the furthest side of the house so occasional meltdowns have at least four or five walls between them and the neighbours.
Problems started three years ago when she knocked to say one of our dogs barked when I left her to do the school run and disturbed their breakfast . I was apologetic and took steps to stop that..training,plug ins,radio, recorded her etc and it stopped.
Then a few months later she hung out of her window on two mornings shouting at us for closing our gate too loud at 8.45am waking her up as she..and I quote " goes to bed late and has every right to sleep in with her windows wide open and not be disturbed" .
She made my then 8 year old cry and the kids creep out paranoid every morning to the car not daring to even speak.
Then we were putting a small patch of decking down and using a small battery drill to screw the planks in at 6 pm on a Saturday.She pops her head over asking if we could stop as they wanted to have dinner in the garden . And we did 😐
Next week she pops over again asking if we could keep our voices down as she was reading when it was just me,hubby and the two eldest out on the patio planting flowers.
Since then I've been paranoid. I dont let the kids play outside before 10 am or after 6.30 ish. If they're stupidly noisy they get brought in,I took the trampoline down because the neighbour moaned.We don't ever play music, the youngest kids are all in bed before 8 and the big three are quiet then and there's never any noise overnight. I don't ever open our bedroom window incase the baby cries through the night as the neighbours Window next to our room is wide open.
I stand out with the dogs in the morning and night so they don't bark and during the day if they start barking they're called in.When I go out they're in the far side of the house .
I "thought" we were being pretty considerate.
Last weekend whilst the kids were in the paddling pool playing and actually being pretty quiet tbh both of them flew to the fence and started screaming about how we were ruining their lives, she sits crying at the noise we make. We have no consideration and should be ashamed of ourselves as parents etc. They went completely nuts and I told them we did our best but they didn't believe me, hubby at this point stood up and told them to back off as our kids were watching.
Since then my autistic son hasn't slept, he won't go outside. I am paranoid beyond belief. I won't even let the kids go into the two rooms on the neighbours side in the morning and am making them eat their breakfast in a different room 😐 I'm constantly shhhhhhing and trying to stop my 3 and 4 year olds running around all day and I can't face even letting the little ones play or my dogs outside. I'm even getting hubby to leave work to do the school runs whenever I can so I don't have to leave the dogs incase they bark.
It's causing great stress with me and hubby who thinks we should just ignore them and carry on our lives as we were. He is furious I'm so bothered what they think . I really don't know what to do !
theyll forget about kids splashing in a pool
Your husband is right, ignore them & carry on. They should have chosen to live in the middle of a field if they don't want any neighbour noise.
Agree with araiba.
They sound like a pair of entitled twunts.
You have every right to live your lives.
Carry on as usual (normal usual). Lovely summer evenings should be enjoyed by you and your kids too. Why should you stop at 6.30pm.
8.45am isn't too early to be up and about.
If they complain again, blank them and keep blanking them.
They are being completely unreasonable.
I would not have been half as accommodating as you have been. You have every right to live in your home (and garden) as you please. I'm sorry but I'd be telling them where to go next time and if the harassment continued I'd call 101 and log it with the police!
It's honestly upset me so much. This weekend I couldn't even face going outside! I've searched soundproofing companies and even had someone come out to quote raising the Fence.And I'm ordering screening plants and researching noise absorbing trees and all sorts! It's thrown me and hubby is so cross😣
To be honest you have brought this on yourself to a large degree with your constant pandering to these moronic fuckwits!
Every (unreasonable) request that you comply with makes twats like these try and push the boundaries further and further.
Have a frank conversation with these people detailing all the concessions you have made for them and point out that as they are still not happy that it all stops now. Completely. From now on you will make 'normal' family noise.
If it spoils their breakfast - tough shit, go inside.
If it spoils their reading - tough shit, go inside.
If they wake up - tough shit - close the windows or go to bed earlier.
These people are fuckwits. Treat them as such.
They are idiots who should've bought a detached house in the middle of nowhere.
Stop pandering to them. Normal household noise is fine.
although i hate trampolines too
I think your problem is that you've been way too nice to them. By giving in to them each time you have let them think they're reasonable and that your normal family life is somehow too loud. From right this minute I would completely ignore everything they've ever said and start living your normal life, letting kids out to play etc. They sound entitled and bonkers, ignore, ignore, ignore!!
You shouldn't have to live like that. Your hubby is right, if they are that sensitive to noise they should have moved somewhere without neighbours.
Let your kids play, suggest they complain to environmental health. It would make me want to move to be honest though.
You've given way so much they're taking the piss.
Stop creeping around and get on with your lives.
Any noise that you deem unacceptable then deal with it.
You can't curtail your lives to their unreasonable levels. They'd moan about a mouse farting!
If they went to the council there would be a 'reasonable level' of noise acceptable and you'd fall well within those parameters.
If they want complete silence they can move to the arse end of nowhere. Bet they'd moan about the birds chirping then though.
YABveryU to let them rule your lives like this. Your DH is right.
Your neighbours have the right to a peaceful life, and equally you have a right to a normal family life. You all need to be reasonable, fair and compromising.
Your poor kids, how are they going to enjoy the summer?
OP, you've been too nice. She is ruining your life. Stop pandering to her, allow your children to play with a reasonable noise level and start enjoying life again.
I'd be threatening her with a complaint for harassment.
Oh and don't you dare pay for soundproofing! It's their issue, so let them sort it out.
They are the unreasonable ones!
Last night at 10 pm my neighbour decided to go out and clean his cars, noisily!
This morning he slammed his gate at 6 am.
She should try living next door to them.
I think the mistake you made was to pander to them to begin with. They will never be happy with anything you do, so stop bothering to live your life with your children under such tight control!
Ignore them, what you'v.e detailed all sounds like normal family noise. Just keep calmly repeating to them "it's normal family life noise- nothing unreasonable"-presuming no other neighbours have complained, that is?
Perhaps they should seriously consider moving to an isolated detached house in the countryside.
i pointed out they chose to live on an estate surrounded by families.
I asked why they didn't have a problem with the house at the bottom of both of our gardens who have a hound out there howling most of the day and kids out in a tent every weekend camping and screeching and he said it's ok because they're a decent family whatever he meant by that 😕
Wow that is terrible! Can you get someone assertive to go around and explain that children make noise and that the noise being made is not unreasonable and that the neighbours are not being reasonable and that if they are not happy they really need to move to
into a remote lighthouse
And that from now if the neighbours have complaints or concerns to discuss them with you when the children are not around (or put in writing and you will then go and talk to them) because the children are getting traumatised by the neighbours behaviour.
You aren't the ones being unreasonable, seriously!
There may have been occasions when you were too noisy, I don't know. Ask friends and family to be honest with you about how noisy they think you are as a household. You could also ask your neighbours on the other side, if you get on with them and trust that it wouldn't escalate things.
Provided you as a family aren't making excessive noise, then fine. Everyday noise from children (and adults, for that matter) is just something the neighbours have to expect and tolerate. Your children can play in the garden, talk or whatever just like anyone else. Remember, both households are entitled to the quiet enjoyment of their respective homes. I for one would not have stopped a normal DIY project being done at a reasonable time just so the neighbours coulkd have dinner in the garden. I think that was a completely unreasonable thing to ask for.
It is odd that nothing was said for the first two years-I wonder if the neighbours now have some issue that is causing them problems and they are fixating on your 'noise' as an outlet?
Please listen to your husband, as I think he has got the right idea. Of course you should be considerate, but don't turn your lives upside down or tiptoe about in fear because the neighbours have started being unpleasant. Even if you were noisy, there was no excuse for the aggressive screaming in front of your children.
You could offer them mediation (most councils will help with this I think, mine does) to find a way forward. Whatever you do, don't let them bully you.
YABU By giving into these ridiculous demands in the first place. Yes she may have every right to sleep but your children have every right to play, and you have every right to chat in your own garden!
These people are fuckwits. Treat them as such.
Please take a stand. Otherwise your children will be learning the wrong behaviour from you. Normal everyday noise is part and parcel of living in houses adjacent to each other. Please explain this to your children.
If your neighbours want silence they should move.
I'm with araiba
If they approach you again tell them
to fuck off it's tough luck, if they're that concerned about the noise then they need to get environmental health to come out and assess it.
I think if I were you I'd be buying shit loads of wind chimes to put up in my garden
I would keep a record of their complaints and report them for harrassment.
I called environmental health and the noise team and they said they've had no complaints and couldn't help till they did. We get on with all the other neighbours,had no complaints nope.
We can't move because we just had an extension a couple of years back including a council funded wet room for my disabled daughter so we signed to live here for at least another 8 years.
Tbh though we don't want to move. We've got the perfect house for us all and a fantastic garden. Just got awful neighbours 😟
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