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To think he should get out of bed to deal with his own delivery when I'm getting the kids ready for school.

(44 Posts)
FamiliarSting Wed 08-Jun-16 00:03:18

OH just asked me what time I get up in the mornings, because he's getting a delivery for work early tomorrow.

It's no big deal but it's really annoyed me.
Mornings are always stressful and difficult. I have a 3 and 7 year old to get ready for nursery/school and the 3 year old is always difficult. There's never a spare second; we leave when we're ready.
Basically mornings are rushed and I do them by myself.

Whether OH is working or not he NEVER gets up to help me in the mornings, whether it's a weekday or a weekend. He's never given me a lie in, even when I requested that as a birthday gift. The only time he's helped in the morning is when I've had a migraine (completely bed ridden debilitated horror) and for a week or so after I started an AIBU thread here about him never helping by taking DD1 to nursery when DD2 was newborn. I'd like to add both kids were terrible sleepers and I've had two full night's sleep since DD2 was born.

So I am really irritated that he just expects me to rush downstairs to answer the door when I'm trying to wake myself up, battle the kids to get up, convince the 3 year old to get out of bed, get dressed, feed them, try to break up the squabbles and have them out the house with their things as close to our goal time as possible. If I have a spare 30 seconds I'd like take it to maybe grab a drink or chill out a bit. Not stand at the door waiting for the guy who's pressed the door bell then sodded off to the van or waste time with the chatty delivery guy when I need him to leave already so we can get ready and go.

I know I am being petty and I am resentful. But surely given how selfish he is with sleep he should put the door bell in his room (separate rooms as he moved out when the baby woke him in the night) and get up and deal with his delivery himself?!

LyndaNotLinda Wed 08-Jun-16 00:11:05

Does he have any redeeming features?

I'd ignore the doorbell personally given that you're struggling with his children while he lounges in bed

Littleorangecat Wed 08-Jun-16 00:13:43

Nope, YANBU just shout him loudly when the bell rings.

vanillaessence04 Wed 08-Jun-16 00:14:35

YNBU! I once heard "never doing anything you'll resent". Of course you can say no to getting his package. And I'd say sit him down and have a big conversation about why he isn't doing his fair share.

ijustwannadance Wed 08-Jun-16 00:16:13

I'm just wondering why the hell you have allowed the selfish arsehole to get away with this for years?!

whois Wed 08-Jun-16 00:48:52

Why do you stay with him?

MustStopAndThinkBeforePosting Wed 08-Jun-16 04:39:43

What a nasty piece of work he is.
Ignore the doorbell, let the delivery person put through a "sorry we missed you" card if OH doesn't get up. Of course let him know this is your plan

Yabu to have allowed this situation to develop at all though. You asked for a lie in as a birthday present! This basically confirming that you agree that the children are 100% your responsibility in the mornings and any effort he might make would be a generous gift rather than his fair contribution to caring for his kids. You are part of the problem for acting like a doormat for so long.

You should insist on being treated with more respect and on him taking a fair share of all household tasks and childcare. Even if he is the "breadwinner" that is not an exemption. If he is as much of a git as he sounds to be then you taking this stand will spell the end of your relationship and that will be no bad thing. If he isn't a git and has redeeming features then maybe the relationship will survive the shock of becoming a partnership of equals.

NerrSnerr Wed 08-Jun-16 04:45:35

Just ignore the door.

I wouldn't stay with a man who didn't do his share. He sounds incredibly selfish. You need to put you family first.

PollyCoddle Wed 08-Jun-16 04:46:35

Yes, he just has to get up to receive the delivery. If he has any spare time while waiting, he can help you.

My DH is currently on gardening leave and has been really surprised to see what the mornings are like (he used to have to leave just as the kids were waking up). He's been shocked into helping.

Can you ask him to help. Or make a lot of noise?! Unless he works nights or finishes late at night I can't see why he shouldn't be up helping.

icklekid Wed 08-Jun-16 04:50:37

But what did you say to dh when he asked about the parcel? Surely that's the perfect opportunity to discuss how him getting up with you in morning would make it so much easier with 2 dc? Eg. Oh thats great whilst your waiting for delivery could you get dc1 dressed whilst I sort lunches? If you just say no problem then he will presume its no problem...(rightly or wrongly!)

ToDuk Wed 08-Jun-16 04:54:19

Seriously you two need a big talk. Is there some reason he has to stay in bed while you do all the work? Is he an on call firefighter or something?

Slothlikesundays Wed 08-Jun-16 05:19:01

I don't think what he's asking you is a big deal. HOWEVER his constant lack of support for you over the years has understandably led to such frustration this has become an unreasonable request. It must be really hard going it alone constantly, never getting a lie in or any support. Would it be easier without him altogether? I'm not surprised you feel petty and resentful. I would too. He's clearly been like this for years. Is he better at other times of day?

puglife15 Wed 08-Jun-16 06:10:25

Does he work late nights or something?

I have to agree that while this situation is utterly shit for you, it sounds like one you've inadvertently accepted / created.

It reminds me of friends where their DP's lives haven't really changed much since having kids while the mother runs herself ragged still doing all the ironing and cooking for her dh with 2 under 2 and having to build up the courage to ask the dad to "babysit".

Saracen Wed 08-Jun-16 06:30:03

"I don't think what he's asking you is a big deal. HOWEVER his constant lack of support for you over the years has understandably led to such frustration this has become an unreasonable request."

Agree. I'd never even think of expecting a sleeping person to get up to take a delivery if there was someone up who could do it instead. But that is in the context of a family where people generally do their share.

Ratty667 Wed 08-Jun-16 07:07:15

You need to make him help, it's the only way he will understand how tricky mornings are for you.

Why are you letting him lie in bed? Is he on nights? I don't understand..we take it in turns at weekend to lie in.

My DH had some gardening leave ( I'm a sahm) so I left him to do the school run, made him help with washing/dishwasher/ tidying/ endless homework/ shopping/ cleaning / cooking/dog walking/ activities etc etc. He has stopped his "your life is easy crap "after realising how much I have to do. He couldn't believe how short the school day is! ( and clearly realised how nice and easy his life is as I do all that mundane shit for him, mundane stuff that he hates )

Women up!

Gowgirl Wed 08-Jun-16 07:18:43

The day my dh gets up before absolutely necessary there will be a fucking parade! It pisses me off no end!

megletthesecond Wed 08-Jun-16 07:24:25

Don't blame the OP for his behaviour. She may be scared of him (as I was, I got a lay in after a miscarriage).

Yanbu. He needs to buck his ideas up.

Krampus Wed 08-Jun-16 07:29:04

If my dp asked I wouldn't give it a second thought but he isnt a selfish fucker. In your situation I can see why the request would make you resentful.

I don't know what his usual work patterns are but what sort of a wanker won't give his wife a lie in as a birthday gift! It's bad enough that you would even need to ask for one.

blueskyinmarch Wed 08-Jun-16 07:34:20

Your DH is a knobhead. The current delivery issue not withstanding, why is he still sleeping in the spare room when the ‘baby’ is now 3? He should be supporting you to put together plan to get her sleeping all night. You get my first LTB!

kitkat1968 Wed 08-Jun-16 07:38:56

It depends on his working hours I would say. Tbh I think yab a bit u- how hard is it to answer the door? It takes maybe 20 to 30 seconds

storminabuttercup Wed 08-Jun-16 07:41:04

If it was just the parcel you would be UR, if it was his only lie in etc, but all of what you've said screams that this is the tip of a huge iceberg. I'd be telling him to get up himself and working out an arrangement where you do your share of get ups.

kitkat1968 Wed 08-Jun-16 07:42:26

...and do you workwork or are you free whilst your DC are at school and nirsery

ExtraHotLatteToGo Wed 08-Jun-16 07:49:38

kitkat. WTAF??

Ledkr Wed 08-Jun-16 07:50:53

I wouldn't piss on a man like this if he was on fire, never mind take in his damn post! Jesus.
Get some cbt free on the NHS to figure out why you allow this bollocks to continue when you'd be better off alone.

Ledkr Wed 08-Jun-16 07:53:13

kitkat have you read the op?
It's not relevant what the op does, this guy has NEVER got up with his kids, NEVER. Ffs

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