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To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

(310 Posts)
Cluesue Tue 07-Jun-16 22:09:26

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

Sighing Tue 07-Jun-16 22:15:11

I am no longer shocked. DD just had her 10th birthday. I think through all those parties i can count the responses on 1 hand. Apparently rsvp is just too obscure and archaic around here (and yes, I get judgy about basically everyone as they can't be bothered. So rude). I always respond.
I've even received a passive aggressive "why bother replying then, are you rubing it in?" Type comment when i passed on regrets we'd have to decline.
I am bloody confused by it, and dread all party organising as a result.

MetalPetal86 Tue 07-Jun-16 22:15:33

Totally normal party behaviour. As you say, just don't do it again; you can't change people's behaviour.

dannydyerismydad Tue 07-Jun-16 22:21:47

I feel your pain! I had a thread on just this topic a couple of weeks ago. It's just so bloody rude.

One mother was a fellow member of the PTA Facebook page. I sent her a cheery note to ask is her DC could come. The bitch actually blocked me, when a simple "sorry, can't make it" would have done.

Torchlight86 Tue 07-Jun-16 22:22:24

I feel your pain! My DS is 4 in a few weeks, I am currently in a position where either 10 people (the ones that have bothered rsvping) or 48 people ( 38 that haven't bothered replying) might turn up!

I don't mind either way as long as my little one enjoys it, and we've just booked a room so no costs for extras, the thing thats stressing me out is party bags (or sweets as I'm doing) the cheapest I can get them is £1 a head, so I have to buy for the maximum which is knocking on £50 which I could do without, especially when I can guarantee I'll end up with half of them left over! angry

Everyone told me doing a party was stressful and I didn't believe them, but my little ones birthday is a few weeks away and I'm really anxious that no one will come, there won't be enough people there, or they'll all come and I'll somehow have miscalculated and run out of party bags! confused nightmare!

MrsDoylesTeaParty Tue 07-Jun-16 22:26:03

I just don't get this at all. It takes a second to send a text and it's just rude to ignore it.

HerRoyalNotness Tue 07-Jun-16 22:32:36

I had this with the DC recent party. Chased DC1 class parents 3 times and still had about 4 that didn't reply. Only 4 said yes out of 20 and 1 didn't show on the day. Better luck with reception class, got 9 yes so didn't bother chasing the rest, 1 didn't turn up. They had a grand time but I did feel sorry for DC1 having so few come along. One of the mums was shock when she asked if I got a good turnout for DC1 and I told her, yes 4! She may be rethinking her DDs party at the end of the month.

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond Tue 07-Jun-16 22:33:26

I don't understand this at all but it seems to be very common. How hard is it to send a quick text? At every birthday party I've thrown for the DCs, there have been a few who just haven't replied at all. It's really stressful to have booked a venue but not know the numbers attending - especially as you might end up out of pocket or you are concerned your DC will be standing there waiting for their friends to arrive and only a handful of those invited show up.

A friend of mine recently exclusively hired a soft play place for a 4th birthday party. There was enough food and space for 35 children but only 10 turned up. The birthday boy had a great time but my friend was so upset. In her case it was a mixture of people not bothering to reply and a lot of last minute cancellations. Why do people do this?

beetroot2 Tue 07-Jun-16 22:33:36

I sort of get you but a HUGE party for toddlers where everyone has to RSVP is a bit OTT.

A hall with food and games is the way to go.

RubbleBubble00 Tue 07-Jun-16 22:34:26

Never experienced this until middle dc first party in reception. Same as u class invite and was sitting at 5 a week before the party. Got up to 15 in the end with another 5 no and 10 who didn't reply. To make matters worse 5 of the no replies have older siblings in my eldest childs class and always replied to his invites. And other 5 included friends he plays with at school.

I did the same as you and invited siblings. I just wanted a decent number for the party. Older child's party's always had replies and great turn out.

Just feel sorry for middle dc now as it seems his class is a bit rubbish

Rainbowzippy Tue 07-Jun-16 22:35:24

I have 3 kids, and this weekend we have 5 parties. Last weekend there were 2, same the weekend before. Co ordinating all that, plus presents etc, or in fact two presents of its a joint party, feels endless so we don't always go to all of them. I have to go home, sit down with the family calendar and only then reply.

Myfanwyprice Tue 07-Jun-16 22:42:25

The thing is, even if you're just having a party in a hall, so no price per head, you still need an idea of how many children you're catering for, I just don't understand why people think it's acceptable to completely ignore an invite.

I have had this so many times over the years with my dc, and then when I've asked the parents, they look at you like you've got 2 heads for daring to mention it!

It's ds's birthday this week, and half of those invited haven't responded, it's so frustrating angry

Rainbowzippy Tue 07-Jun-16 22:46:06

Invites get stuffed into book bags, lost under the car seats etc etc

I've found best way is to send invites and then follow up with texts. I've never knowingly ignored an invitation but I think I've probably lost some.

halighhalighaliehaligh Tue 07-Jun-16 22:50:42

This pretty much always happens. In my experience most of the non repliers do turn up and may bring siblings as well!

sharknad0 Tue 07-Jun-16 22:53:10

It's beyond me why people can't be bother to reply. Even if the invitation doesn't ask to RSVP, you would think it is the polite thing to do, wouldn't you.

Reading some of these threads, it seems that for some people, not replying means "we're not coming", whilst for others it means "we are coming otherwise I would have told you so". confused It is painful.

Sometimes, asking specific questions might help: any food allergy? do you want strawberry or chocolate cake? That might push a few more replies, but again, that might not.

MadamDeathstare Tue 07-Jun-16 22:55:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SistersOfPercy Tue 07-Jun-16 22:55:59

I have a solution to this..... send invite along with the words

RSVP for party details and address

Just wish I'd thought of it when mine were small

maxeffort0satisfaction Tue 07-Jun-16 22:59:20

I so can relate to this. I've done 2 whole class parties. Buying enough food and party bags for those twats that didn't respond plus any extra siblings they plan to bring along is a nightmare. I've done all you had to do.. felt like I'm almost begging them chasing them for an answer. I once invited 30 kids, only 13 or 15 turned up and that was with their siblings.
I don't know when rsvping went out of fashion. I still rsvp as soon as I can. I have put a deadline for RSVPing and it still gets ignored. I've even had parents cancel on the morning of the party, during the party via a text or tell me in person they are coming and what present would be appropriate only not to show up to the party. Come the school week they just look a me as if nothing had happened, no explanation no apology.

I fucking loathe whole class parties.
I don't expect everyone to turn up, it's normal to be busy, even the organisers of the party don't know if they will die or get ill or whatever on the day so yes life is unpredictable and we are all busy but just RVSP either way for fucks sake.
On a side note, I have had mums who do this with play dates too. No message to say we can't come or anything. She'd say yes we're coming in person. I text her to say we're still on for tomorrow no reply. on the next day we wait for an hour after the agreed play date time they don't show up. no text either.
I now don't even tell my children if there is a play date arranged anymore because the parents have been so fucking useless in basic manners. we've been let down too many times.

My advice is to focus on the purpose of this which is giving your child a special birthday and avoid inviting whole class or flakey parents in the future.

maxeffort0satisfaction Tue 07-Jun-16 23:02:44

sistersofmercy that's a really good line. wish i'd thought of it too!

sglodion Tue 07-Jun-16 23:02:48

Do people actually turn up without RSVPing? I wouldn't have the brass neck to turn up if I hadn't responded to the invite!

MotherOfGlob Tue 07-Jun-16 23:07:31

Similar scenario here a few weeks ago. Had to ask a few of the parents if they'd received the invites, cue 'two-head stare' mentioned above. Just beware inviting siblings as a few of the non-respondents did turn up on the day.

sharknad0 Tue 07-Jun-16 23:08:47

Do people actually turn up without RSVPing?

oh yes, unfortunately they do. I even had a couple of parents who turn up on the day, after replying NO a couple of weeks before, because "they were free that day after all".angry

Someone even declined an invitation to a party where I didn't invite them. confused. I am still very confused about that one!

Nocabbageinmyeye Tue 07-Jun-16 23:15:37

RSVP for party details and address will get you even less replies. I RSVP on time to absolutely every party either way but this on an invite would just make me go hmm as I binned it

Littlefluffyclouds81 Tue 07-Jun-16 23:17:26

I had this last year - invited 15 kids, only 10 RSVPd, and many of those were at the last minute. On the day none of the non repliers turned up, but siblings of other children did, so we luckily ended up with the exact number I'd invited originally, and done party bags for.

I got a whatsapp message from one of the parents about a fortnight after the party saying thanks for the invite and dd would love to come confused

VioletBam Tue 07-Jun-16 23:20:02

Beet 4 is not a "toddler". The children are in school and whole class parties are normal at this age...and yes, with RSVP expected!

OP it's SO rude.

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