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Feral Child - Very lighthearted

(21 Posts)
apatheticfallacy Tue 07-Jun-16 16:58:31

DS is one and currently crawling around completely naked because attempts to re-clothe him are yet to be successful following a recent nappy failure.

He seems to prefer the dog to me, and he seems happiest crawling around in the garden eating worms and/or dirt. Meals I've lovingly prepared are disgusting to him but the dog's food is some kind of forbidden delicacy.

He communicates in squawks and grunts only and refuses to go to sleep in his cot.

Is there any point in trying to tame my ferral child or should I just release him into the wild?

TheWordOfBagheera Tue 07-Jun-16 17:10:47

Attempts to tame are futile at best and may even make the situation worse as one year olds have an in-built contrary function.

Do you best to appear nonchalant and hang onto the knowledge that this too will pass and be replaced by something worse

LilySnape Tue 07-Jun-16 17:13:50

Dont worry once he gets to 13 hell communicate further by grunting and pointing and he'll forage for himself in the fridge or cupboards grin

CigarsofthePharoahs Tue 07-Jun-16 17:18:37

My two year old has spent the last half hour hitting me and then "cuddling it better". Ouch.
I took my eyes off him yesterday morning and he was tipping cheerios down the gap between the sofa cushions whilst adding generous quantities of milk from his sippy cup. He wont have milk on them in the bowl, but apparently that's how my sofa likes them.
I've given up trying to keep his socks on. I suspect I'll lose the trouser war soon.

apatheticfallacy Tue 07-Jun-16 18:13:32

Releasing him into the wild sounds like the best option then. Is it socially responsible too et him neutered first?

apatheticfallacy Tue 07-Jun-16 18:13:59

To get! Sorry - typing on my phone whilst doing the bedtime battle

WordGetsAround Tue 07-Jun-16 18:15:28

I've got a feral one and one who likes to wash his hands before / after eating and is almost always clean! Funny how different they are. Feral one is currently tattooed to the max with biro.

snorepatrol Tue 07-Jun-16 18:19:42

My eldest was feral and when she turned four, literally the day she turned four she turned into an utter Angel and has been tame ever since.

Dd is 2 and is basically spot from the good dinosaur. I think she could hunt her own food with her teeth if I let her. I'm not too sure that 4 will be the magic number for her she genuinely believes she is a dog most days.

paxillin Tue 07-Jun-16 18:22:04

He will become somewhat tame when he's a bit older.

Only to become feral again aged 13. It'll be similar to now, only without nappies and he will smell a lot worse.

Booboostwo Tue 07-Jun-16 19:09:35

Mine barks and bites. My friend's DD speaks in full sentences and can count in two languages. Sigh!

HumphreyCobblers Tue 07-Jun-16 19:18:20

Today my toddler brought me a bogey and tried to insert it up my nostril. Although it is good to share, I feel this was a step too far.

dizzyfucker Tue 07-Jun-16 19:20:07

13 hell

One of the best typos ever grin

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Tue 07-Jun-16 19:22:29

My eldest is 6 and goes feral in the summer holidays. By the end her hair is one massive deadlock and her knees are scabby and permanently grass stained. Some heavy duty grooming is required to get her school ready come August.

Glassofwineneeded Tue 07-Jun-16 19:23:16

I agree with paxillin feral teenagers will communicate by grunting and shrugging their shoulders.
They will need regular feeding and can often be found with their head in the food cupboards.
It is no use talking to teenagers in the usual way, communication must be done by text only, that way you may get a better reply than a shrug or grunt.
If I were you I would release into the wild ASAP and save yourself the feral teenage years, and the heartache of empty cupboards and bank accounts!

2snugglets Tue 07-Jun-16 19:28:55

My feral 6 yr old went with me to pick up toddler DD from nursery with no shoes or socks on. She just didn't feel they were needed and I didn't feel bothered enough to argue about it!

wheresthel1ght Tue 07-Jun-16 19:48:56

My 2.10yo dd is utterly feral. Shoes and socks are for wimps, she licks everything "because I am a doggy mummy" and she too would sooner eat the dog biscuits than her own food. Although will randomly help herself to breakfast cereal through the day.

She has run round the garden barefoot to the point I have scooped her up and put her in the bath fully clothed in order to just get her in it.

She does ballet on a Saturday eh oh she loves and I can pretend she is the delicate little thing I dreamt a daughter would be

StartledByHisFurryShorts Tue 07-Jun-16 19:54:11

I think it would be kindest to release him somewhere where there's already a feral toddler community. A small herd of feral youngsters crawling around, feeding one another worms, befriending squirrels, that sort of thing.

Whitelisbon Tue 07-Jun-16 20:03:41

I've got 2.6 yo b/g twins.

She is a dainty, delicate thing, who eats with her little finger sticking out, spends hours every day drawing, and loves to dance on the spot whilst singing quietly.

He, on the other hand, is best compared to the tasmanian devil on speed. He climbs, throws, shouts and roars, covers everything within a 10 foot radius in food when he eats a rice cake, is constantly dirty, and thinks his name starts with either no or oh for God's sake!

oldlaundbooth Tue 07-Jun-16 20:03:52

Just don't introduce your small animal to chocolate brownies.

They will never be the same again!

oldlaundbooth Tue 07-Jun-16 20:05:12

Mine tells me, 'That's enough, Mummy!' with a stern finger point and then proceeds to howl.

I also get bollocked for singing.

froubylou Tue 07-Jun-16 20:11:18

I have a feral ds at 2.6. And a diva dd at almost 12.

DD is I think an escaped princess. Far too glamorous to get her hands dirty. And too precious to be actually naughty though she can be very trying at times.

Ds spent half an hour this afternoon playing football/bouncy balls with a dried up horse poo ball. When I told him it was poo and ditry he sniffed it and laughed and told me it stinks like daddy. Then carried on. He then kicked off to ride dds pony and when plonked on proceeded to ride it like it was stolen (which it technically was) and did a flying dismount into my arms when I said he could have an ice cream later if he got off now as poor pony was hot.

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