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Feel a bit hurt,Am I Being a bit sensitive or not?

(57 Posts)
SeenYourArse Tue 07-Jun-16 14:01:36

Have worked for my boss for 9 years,just the two of us working alone together in a small business for the last 7 of those years. Have been trying for a baby with my husband for the last 3.5 years (been married 4.5 years for background and context) had a miscarriage 3 years ago and since then it's taken 3 years to fall pregnant again,we are delighted and feel so so lucky and grateful. I told my boss I was pregnant the day after my 3 month scan and followed all protocols re MATB1 form etc and telling her my news ASAP it was 'safe' to do so (miscarried at 11 weeks the first time)
She simply said 'oh ok,nice one' when I told her and literally didn't mention it again until she overheard me telling a client who is also a friend my happy news a month later,when she took me to one side and said I wasn't to tell ANYONE we meet through work about my news and had to keep it to myself. Fast forwards the rest of my pregnancy and she hasn't mentioned a word to me about it,no health and safety protocols or assessments put in place or even a 'are you coping ok is there anything we can do to make life easier?' In my job I stand up for 9 hours a day with one break in the middle of the day for an hour,I did this until I was 37 weeks plus 4 when I finished for maternity leave. I worked until as far along as I could to help her out and give her more time to find maternity cover but she hasn't tried to find anyone at all.
On the day I left work (I am having 8 months off receiving just stat mat pay) she simply said 'bye have a good weekend' as normal and that was it,no card or goodbye or little present. I'm a bit upset by her completely cold lack of even pretending to care or give a monkeys,I'm stuck between feeling after working alongside each other for so long and knowing how long we tried for surely a £1 card to show she appreciates my hard work (my last week was a record in takings due to my doing so much work despite struggling a little with standing up 8 hours when heavily pregnant) and feeling like a diva for expecting any acknowledgement from her??
Just feel very under appreciated and like no matter how much I put the company first and try my hardest she never gives me any credit. For a bit of background info I'm regularly left as sole charge and open and close up most days and my boss has around 40 days holiday per year to my 17 (I work 4 long ish days) so she is used to relying on me and being able to go abroad without giving the business a second thought,I just run things the same whether she's there or not.
Sorry to waffle on I'm just childishly envious perhaps of my friend who finished work for mat leave a couple of months ago and got flowers,a card and went out for lunch on her last day etc,she said it was a lovely day and felt like a real occasion and a new beginning.

Keely93 Tue 07-Jun-16 14:06:17

I don't think you're being sensitive, it would have hurt me too, that's a long time of working for her with hardly any acknowledgment and even if she has her own issues(doesn't want kids/can't have kids) a congratulations and good luck wouldn't have took much. Try and enjoy your maternity leave and as much as possible forget about her for the time being. Good luck! Xxx

Jengnr Tue 07-Jun-16 14:11:36

I think I'd have said something when she said you couldn't tell anyone about it. That's well out of order.

halighhalighaliehaligh Tue 07-Jun-16 14:23:38

The only thing I can think of is that maybe your boss is ttc and having fertility problems and finding your pg hard to deal with. Can't think of any other reason why she would be blatantly ignoring it!

halighhalighaliehaligh Tue 07-Jun-16 14:26:41

Or maybe she's just annoyed you're going on maternity if she relies on you a lot?

ChicRock Tue 07-Jun-16 14:29:38

I think she has massive issues of her own, ?possibly difficulty conceiving? but that doesn't excuse her being such a cowbag.

In everywhere I've worked it's the norm to give someone leaving to have a baby a bit of a send off. To not even acknowledge it and treating your finishing work like it was any other weekend is nasty.

Try and forget about her now and enjoy your mat leave flowers.

IceMaiden73 Tue 07-Jun-16 15:06:31

I don't think you're being unreasonable expecting a little more when you left

I do think you are being unreasonable comparing annual leave - it's her business she can take as much time off as she likes

Willow2016 Tue 07-Jun-16 15:20:35

Ice it is unreasonable if she expects OP to run her business for her without so much as a thanks for all your extra work you put in for me. Bet she doesnt get paid any more for being totaly responsible for the business.

As for telling you not to tell anyone about being prgnant you should have told her to jog on, its none of her business who you tell. Plus I would not have been standing 8hrs in total without a risk assessment being done, not good to be standing that long while pregnant it wouldn't have hurt to have an extra couple of 10 min breaks.

Think I would be job hunting when on mat leave.

RedHelenB Tue 07-Jun-16 15:24:16

IME it's work colleagues not bosses that organise cards and presents.

fascicle Tue 07-Jun-16 16:51:37

OP's boss is also her only colleague, RedHelen.

Your boss's behaviour is very odd, OP. Sounds like she seriously undervalues your contribution.

RedHelenB Tue 07-Jun-16 16:57:02

That's the point I was making - she hasn't any colleagues hence the lack of card or present!

PirateFairy45 Tue 07-Jun-16 17:01:25

It would have hurt but maybe there's a reason to not wanting to talk about it.

fascicle Tue 07-Jun-16 17:22:32

RedHelen Her boss is a colleague - they work together, just the two of them. Since she's also her boss, all the more reason to show appreciation, especially given the length of time OP has worked for/with her, as well as holding the fort for 40 days each year.

Are you in the UK, OP? If so, is your 17 day holiday entitlement in addition to bank holidays? It sounds like you might not be getting enough holiday (statutory minimum = 4 days worked x 5.6 week entitlement = 22.4 days, including bank holidays).

Querty12345 Tue 07-Jun-16 17:32:31

After 5 loyal years working for a small business, I was called up for a meeting less than a month after my mat leave started for them to tell me that they didn't have a job for me to go back to after my mat leave and they were suspending my maternity pay. Needless to say they didn't get away with it. I know how you feel, loyalty means nothing to some people. Congratulations and good luck for your future family flowers

SeenYourArse Tue 07-Jun-16 19:51:38

Thanks so much for all your replies,the majority of you have echoed exactly what my husband and parents said but of course they would support me so it helps to have an outside perspective. Yes I'm in the UK and I know I do get the legal minimum holidays per year I'm entitled to (well that's what it worked out at when I started 9 years ago and it hasn't altered since so I presume it's still the same?) I also haven't had a pay rise for 7 years but that's a different issue altogether which I although it isn't great I do accept its my choice to still work there. The trouble is I feel a strong sense of responsibility to the business and my clients which I'm beginning to feel she takes advantage of as it certainly seems I'm more committed than her.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 07-Jun-16 19:56:54

She does sound a bit mean. I can see that someone so important to the business taking 8 months off must be a massive pain in the arse but I would have thought that with 5 months to get her head round it she could have pretended to be pleased for you.

whois Tue 07-Jun-16 19:58:58

Nah, thats cold.

You're not being over sensitive.

ShtoppenDerFloppen Tue 07-Jun-16 19:59:42

With my first, I didn't get any special treatment or acknowledgement of my pregnancy.

Well... that was until I went into early labour at 36 weeks about an hour after I arrived at work. Then, my boss said "go ahead, call your husband... but for God's sake, don't drop the baby here!"

I never let him live it down grin

BeckyMcDonald Tue 07-Jun-16 20:05:05

But 17 days is not the legal minimum if you work full time. You should have 28 days including bank holidays.

I'd not go back after maternity leave. It sounds like they're taking the piss.

BeckyMcDonald Tue 07-Jun-16 20:06:18

Testing the government pays stat mat pay so the employer can get someone else in to cover while she's off and not really lose much.

turnaroundbrighteyes Tue 07-Jun-16 20:12:47

After your first paragraph I was picturing a small business owner who was working long hours without holidays to grow a business who was terrified at the thought of having to do your job too because she couldnt afford to pay your SMP and pay a replacement.

Then I read to the end and, no, shes just strange and rude!

Nannawifeofbaldr Tue 07-Jun-16 20:13:41

Unless there's some strong reason to work in that particular job, I'd be job hunting during may leave.

No pay rise for 7 years? 17 days holiday? shock

memyselfandaye Tue 07-Jun-16 20:15:41

Don't you have to pay stat mat pay back if you don't return to work?

She sound's a crap boss OP you are not being unreasonable at all.

Is there any chance she is trying to conceive? It doesn't excuse the coldness though.

We moan about our bosses but they are good with us.

CombineBananaFister Tue 07-Jun-16 20:17:59

YANBU - she sounds put out that you're having a baby and going to be an inconvenience because you are not therefor her to rely on which is a bit pisspoor considering how loyal you said you've been.
Am sure it's hard for small businesses when an employee is on maternity but I think she's being harsh, churlish an unfair - you don't need a song, fanfare or dancing sendoff but a few polite words and a card surely? sounds like you've been loyal to a fault sad

topcat2014 Tue 07-Jun-16 20:21:51

Maybe you just have a miserable boss?
Don't give this job another thought for 8.5 months, if I were you.

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