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to ban DH from taking money from my purse?

(126 Posts)
OohMavis Tue 07-Jun-16 07:55:09


Last night I went to bed with £50 in my purse. The £50 had a purpose, one I hadn't bothered explaining to DH because it was mind-numbingly BORING and therefore unworthy of a whole conversation based around it. I was going to town to buy everyone socks and underwear.

I woke up and I have £25. He's taken money, AGAIN. He leaves for work at 4am and leaves at the last minute, so has no time to stop by an ATM. His work is off the beaten track and has a crappy ATM on site that never works, so he just roots around for cash and takes whatever he finds because he's too lazy, or has lost his card again, for the 50th time this year because he refuses to use a fucking wallet, to get money the night before.

I don't have a debit card because he borrowed it and bloody LOST it and I'm waiting for a new one. It's not the end of the world but it's so fucking irritating. We share finances, what's mine is his and vice versa but ffs.

I messaged him just now and he said sorry, he took it to top up his lunch key at work and didn't think I had plans for it. Well I did. Big pants plans.

So aibu to ban him from taking my change forever more, because he's a lazy git and it's fucking annoying?

LimpidPools Tue 07-Jun-16 08:00:10


My DP also does this and it drives me up the flaming wall. Taking the bank card without mentioning it is another little treat. Particularly fun when you find out at the checkout...

HermioneJeanGranger Tue 07-Jun-16 08:01:40

YANBU - hide it! Cheeky bugger.

Arfarfanarf Tue 07-Jun-16 08:01:43

No. That would drive me up the wall. All our money is also shared but we communicate the grabbing of cash grin because what if you go to a shop or petrol station thinking youve got x and cant pay at the till? Mortifying.

I'd be taking the cash out of my purse and replacing it with a note that says go to the cash machine y'lazy bastard grin

Ask him how he thinks you would have felt to have got to the till thinking you had the money then been unable to pay because of him.

And dont let him near your debit card when it comes!

BillSykesDog Tue 07-Jun-16 08:02:43

YANBU, mine does this too and it makes me murderous. Hide your handbag.

OohMavis Tue 07-Jun-16 08:03:41

Oh yes, that's another little fun thing he does. Or switches money around in the account to pay for something online, so there's not as much as I thought there was and the card and get it refused at the checkout. I check it before entering the shop now. Arsehat.

BluePitchFork Tue 07-Jun-16 08:03:47

that would be grounds for divorce.
no one takes anything from my bag!

StubbleTurnips Tue 07-Jun-16 08:07:43

I solved this with envelopes, there's 4x big shop cash envelopes and if you take from there I get stabby. Then there's envelopes with payments for window cleaner, milk top up shops and finally one for DH. If he takes any other cash it has the consequence of coming out of his hobby envelope.

It has solved the issue, as this used to give me almighty rage.

SaucyJack Tue 07-Jun-16 08:07:45


I'd be properly angry actually. It's more than "annoying" that he takes your money without asking- especially as he's also lost your card.

Has he just not bothered to sit himself down and consider how out if order it is, or is he an arsehole in other ways?

splendide Tue 07-Jun-16 08:07:53

I'm the cash thiever in this house! I do know it's annoying and we've started to keep about £200 in cash in a box - like a petty cash fund.

OohMavis Tue 07-Jun-16 08:28:59

is he an arsehole in other ways?

He brushes his teeth downstairs so the sound of his toothbrush doesn't wake me up. And leaves the TOOTHPASTE downstairs. And leaves wet towels on the bed. angry

But yeah apart from that he's grand really.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 07-Jun-16 08:31:12

Ask him why he thought you had no plans for it and then when he tells you ask him why you have to tell him everything. Then go shopping and buy everyone pants and socks except him.

AnonymousBird Tue 07-Jun-16 08:31:54

That's really annoying! The only time DH would do this (and he always asks unless I am not up yet or something!!) is if he needs small change for his coffee, paper or whatever and he doesn't have the coins. The only rule is that I have a couple of coins for the car park left, but he would never do a full raid without asking. Shocker!

DoinItFine Tue 07-Jun-16 08:32:10

That is really out of order actually.

He has left you with no way of getting money during the day and regularly takes cash from you without asking?

Why are you the one left with no bank card when he lost yours?

And is apparently unable to use his own?


TaintForTheLikesOfWe Tue 07-Jun-16 08:32:25

Print this off >> grin
Enlarge it on the photocopier, colour it in and put it in your purse hide your wedge somewhere else

littlemonkey5 Tue 07-Jun-16 08:32:31

OP, do we share genetically connected DHs?

I control the bills because he's got us into a lot of trouble before, so I take both accounts (joint and his) and manage this. I don't tend to get cash out unless I'm buying something on that day, but, we've been re-homing our ex-breeding cats, so I've had extra cash to pay back vets bills..... next morning - £60 is missing!!! So angry!! It happens all the time and means I have to take money out of the account which then leaves us short!!!!

Some men are ridiculous!!!!!


DoinItFine Tue 07-Jun-16 08:35:26

Some men are ridiculous!!!!!

You are with a man who has got you into financial trouble before and bas taken the opportunity to steal 60 quid.

Thatvis ridiculous, but it's not much like the OP's situation.

Bolograph Tue 07-Jun-16 08:35:56

Taking the bank card without mentioning it is another little treat.

Couple who (a) don't have their own bank cards and (b) don't keep their PINs safe are a complete mystery. Why do you do this? Why don't you have your own cards, and why do you tell each other the PINs?

OohMavis Tue 07-Jun-16 08:36:25

I don't think he actually knows where his card is at the moment. I haven't seen it or used it for a week, which is probably why he thought "AH! look at all this money!" - It's probably joined his other eleventy-million lost souls.

I'd get the kids to buy him a wallet for father's day but it would end up in a drawer with the rest hmm

He lost a £20 note week before last jogging for the bus! I don't think he'll ever learn.

AugustaFinkNottle Tue 07-Jun-16 08:36:28

I don't understand why you haven't started hiding your purse or your money long ago? He has no incentive to the cash machine for himself when he knows you will bail him out, albeit involuntarily.

OohMavis Tue 07-Jun-16 08:38:11

Why do you do this?

It's convenient for the most part, honestly.

splendide Tue 07-Jun-16 08:38:42

Yeah the bankcard thing is really stupid. If DH lost his card I would happily give him cash to tide him over until his new one arrived but I wouldn't lend him mine.

We have a joint credit card which works well as a back up though, maybe something else to try.

DoinItFine Tue 07-Jun-16 08:52:02

Imagine having to hide yiur purse from your own husband.


littlemonkey5 Tue 07-Jun-16 08:54:33

You are with a man who has got you into financial trouble before and bas taken the opportunity to steal 60 quid

firstly, it's because he spent HIS inheritance on a business that didn't work instead of buying a house (he took a gamble), BUT, he has helped me with MY cats, so I see it as taking the cash that's OURS, not stealing!

It just gets me a but GRRR! Which is the same as OP.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 07-Jun-16 08:55:06

You don't think he'll ever learn hmm

He chooses not too. He's a functioning adult at work I assume? Why should he change when he doesn't have too as he doesn't suffer when he makes you do so.

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