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ANOTHER PIL, well FIL thread. I'm shaking.

(549 Posts)
lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 00:49:27

I just need to rant, so I will try and make sense, but I'm shaking and furious.

FIL is staying with us for a while, and house/dog sitting whilst we are abroad. His ex wife (My MIL) warned me about him and warned my partner not to leave me alone with him, his sisters have also warned me about him. He has mental health issues and as my partner described 'crazy' ( I think he was joking, but not joking at the same time).

They arrived from the airport at the weekend, chatting away and woke the baby up, I asked them to be quite, they didn't and baby stayed awake until 10pm, I was fuming. Just shut up when I'm trying to put baby back to sleep! It's only me and my dp at home, so bedtimes are quite and calm, I was told he needs to sleep in noise, which he does in the daytime but not for bedtime. So, that didn't put us off to a good start. He had just arrived in my home and I think I deserved a little more respect.

The next day, again, bedtime I asked for quiet and sat down with the TV on snuggled up to my LO. (I had been trying to get him down for an hour before i had given into the TV). All throughout this he was watching videos on his laptop, loudly, I asked my dp to ask him to turn it down, and he did, barely. He did the same again last night, dp was busy so I had to turn him down. He didn't like that.

Then it came to a heads last night, I'm very nervous about leaving the house and my first big trip abroad with the baby, so I was trying to go over all things with the house - shower dripping, please do it up tightly - ant problem, please keep things clean and food away. General bits. I then mentioned, if anything big happens, you must contact real estate/landlords. He refused, saying he will have nothing to do with them, I said fine, but let us know and we will tell them. Again, refused. This upset me as it's a rented house, so its their responsibility. I tried to reiterate the point when he just said 'stop, enough', completely ignoring me. Now, if it has been my partner, his son saying this, he would have listening. I walked away, fuming at both of them. I spoke to my partner and said he has to support me, he agreed and apologised.
Oh, and he has also moved all my washing off where I've had it drying onto the stinky dog sofa, as it was in his way of where he wanted to sit (it wasn't)
Today, FIL ignored me all morning. He. Is. So. Rude. In my own home, we have paid for him to come over, and I'm fuming. He spent all morning feet up on the sofa, under the blanket, just in the way of me trying to have a day with my boy. His breakfast stuff all on the side, towel just left on the sofa. I just asked him if I could have my sofa back, so I can feed and settle my lo, he said no, I will not go because you told me to (I just asked if whilst I'm trying to put lo down, could he read in his room).

We get into a bit of a discussing (argument), I said I have felt disrespected since he arrived and this is my home so certain rules and a level of respect if expected of everything. He argued that this was actually his home hmm anyway, that's how it went, he is now in his room as I refuse to be stuck in mine with an 8mo because he thinks he can commender my home.

He's fudging nuts. I know my partner needs to step up, and say something, but I need him (FIL) to know I will not be walked over in my own home.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm on my phone and typing in a fury! These probably don't seem like a lot, but he just creeps me out and I've tried to like him, and I don't. It probably didn't help I had a guard up after the warning from my partners family.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 00:50:41

Sorry for the essay, and the lack of paragraphs in the middle section! - I would just like a little support and someone to rant too!

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 07-Jun-16 00:56:05

Are you in the uk? He sounds like he's from another universe!

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 00:57:26

No, I'm in Oz. He is, thank-you!!! He's a ducking loony!.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 00:58:16


I'm just fuming. He is horrible and I feel sick and uncomfortable that I'm stuck in my own home with him.

Moanranger Tue 07-Jun-16 01:00:49

He oesn't sound nuts but more like a very slobby guy. Also, probably due to new baby, you sound over-sensitive so the two of you are not a good combo. It probably would have been better to have him there for a very short time before you leave, to minimise rubbing each other the wrong way. I think you are going to have to take a deep breath & try to relax, because you are not going to see eye to eye. Or else terminate the house sitting arrangement. You are not going to change him.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:03:39

Thank you Moanranger, you speak sense! I am aware, that I can be a bit sensitive. But my partner and I have a lovely system, and he does understand. I

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:04:57

posted too early, I just feel very disrespected. I will have a bath! But he is here and is 10am here and I don't feel comfortable doing so with him in the house. For what's it's worth, I don't even think this is bad for him, he has been a lot worse (so have heard). BUT, this is my bloody home, not his angry

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:07:07

Was I unreasonable to ask him for my living room back? Just for some space? I'm torn on that one, I don't think j was, but I feel my partner and FIL will disagree.

gamerchick Tue 07-Jun-16 01:12:49

Tbh it sounds as if he wasn't welcome before he came and you were spoiling for a fight from the off. Just send them home if you cant stand him because its showing.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:16:19

He was more then welcome, I was looking forward to him meeting his GC and seeing his son.
I wasn't spoiling for a fight, but I expect a level of respect in my home.

APomInOz Tue 07-Jun-16 01:21:52

Is there only one seat in the living room? Why did he have to leave?
He sounds ridiculous and arrogant, yanbu.

Maybe83 Tue 07-Jun-16 01:22:27

Sorry but I think you have been equally as rude. You told your dp and as his father who he had just picked up from the airport to do you a favour to be quite because they were chatting it wasn't 3 or 4 in the morning?

I'm sure it was a great start and he feels equally as welcome as you feel respected.

To be honest you sound extremely uptight and quite rude.

Why we're you telling him anything other than to lay down the law? Is your dh incapable of having a conversation?

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:24:06

I wanted him to go, so I could breastfeed and relax with my little one, and after his behaviour, I didn't feel breastfeeding in front of him. I'd be stuck in my room all morning and my poor boy was bored of being in there. And every time I try and get him to sleep with FIL there, he starts talking or doing something to disturb my LO

SnowBells Tue 07-Jun-16 01:26:30

gamerchick I didn't get the same impression you got. In fact, based on previous feedback from MiL and SiLs, I'd never have invited that guy into my home.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:27:27

- the drive to the airport is 4-5hours, it's not like they had just been reunited.

I don't think it was unreasonable when it had disturbed my little one and I was trying to settle him - so they could continue chatting.

My DP is another issue, he thinks the sun shines out of his bottom and doesn't take his MH issues seriously. Thinks they're a joke, but he can deal with them, I'm new to having to deal with FIL and his MH issues.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 07-Jun-16 01:28:17

So what is your FIL allowed to do when you're trying to get your LO down, then? Is he allowed to be present? Is he allowed to breathe? Is anything other than that totally OTT?

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:29:05

Snowbells, the advice came after we booked his flights (they weren't cheap) so not a lot we could do after.
He won't be coming again.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:31:34


I just asked him to go to his room, I wanted to BF and relax in my living room, so ideally I didn't want him to be present, I don't feel comfortable to BF in front of him and was fed of him commandeering the living room, he was spread over the whole sofa.

Maybe83 Tue 07-Jun-16 01:32:05

Wow. Does dp have any say in what goes on the home you share?

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:32:28

And yes, I am very uptight at the moment. I'm terrified of this trip abroad and nervous about flying.

MyCatWasRightAboutYou Tue 07-Jun-16 01:33:30

He has mental health issues and you're calling him "nuts", "crazy", and "a looney"...?

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:33:49

Yes, of course. But if it were upto him LO would be up all night and they'd be dirty socks everywhere.

lamingtonnutty Tue 07-Jun-16 01:34:36

My cat, I apologise, that was very insensitive of me. I'm just very wound up.

fanjolamps Tue 07-Jun-16 01:35:16

Yabu its a few days! He is there to look after your home. Stop looking for a fight based on what you've heard about him. Feed your son in your room its not that big of a deal.

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