AIBU to want to cancel my wedding party

[amprev]

First time poster but long time lurker and occasional commenter! One concern here is that my story is so bizarre that it will instantly identify me so I don't know if this means the post will be removed but here goes.

DP and I got married overseas earlier this year, our only guests being our two DD's. The reasons for this were that i lost my dad 5 years ago and would have found a traditional ceremony here too sad, and we were always of the view that we wanted a non traditional and low fuss wedding anyway. The destination we married in was special to me and my dad and it was my DP's idea to marry there.

The idea was always to have a party for friends and family upon our return. We wed in secret (apart from our parents knowing), announced it on Facebook and then sent out invitations for a party for around 80 - a laid back affair, in a place we like and visit regularly.

Fast forward to two weeks before the party and the venue has a fire and is shut down for repairs. We inform all our guests - they all get refunds on their hotels, thankfully, and we tell them that it will be reorganised when the refurbishments and repairs take place.

We haven't lost out financially - the venue hadn't asked for a deposit because they are very laid back anyway - all the decorations etc I had bought will keep, with the exception of a sign I commissioned which has the original date on. It's not a dedicated wedding venue, which meant when they didn't want a deposit, I wasn't surprised because it made sense to me that to them, it was just another night of trading, with the exception that all their customers would be our guests. We had arranged and discussed final plans for food and welcome drinks - all the details were in place, but in comparison to organising a traditional wedding, it was stress-free and simple.

My dilemma now is that I feel like the moment has passed now for a wedding party. We wanted it to take place during the warmer months when there would be a chance of a fine evening so we could enjoy the venues outside area. I understand the venue will reopen around mid July, but my DH thinks we need to give guests 2 months notice for the rescheduled party, which would take us into late summer/early Autumn. This happens to be a busy time for DH's family, with lots of weekends already booked up for them.

I toyed with the idea of having a 1 year anniversary party instead but nothing is really grabbing me. I had a wonderful wedding day and in truth, don't feel the need to be spending a couple of grand (parents are kindly helping but the same point applies) on a party so long after the event. Do you think it would look too weird to explain to our original invitees that we have basically decided not to bother due to the freak circumstances of the fire? I did a thorough venue search before we settled on our final choice, and nothing really fitted the bill - all too formal and weddingy so if it goes ahead I will be sticking with our original venue (plus it will all be brand new and refurbished).

WWYD?! Sorry this is so long.

[fastdaytears]

I'd do the 1st anniversary party- if that works with your venue. Keep things mostly the same but you'll probably feel a bit more like celebrating then when there's a longer gap between the wedding and party.

How old are your DDs? Would they be excited about a party?

[amprev]

I think you're probably right - they are 6 and 9 and yes, they wwe disappointed when the do didn't happen. Not sure their bridesmaids dresses will fit in a year! Will have to buy bigger duplicates 😯 Thanks.

[fastdaytears]

Oh yes there is that! More dress shopping!

[PaperdollCartoon]

Could you do it in September? Statistically September and May are the months you're most likely to have dry weather for a wedding (I don't know why I know this) and with the weird weather we have these days you're probably more likely to have a warm, dry evening in September than in July!

[amprev]

September is the month that is already looking the most busy and October is both our DD's birthdays. I am interested that you both think we should reschedule though rather than just sack it off. Maybe with time I would feel more enthusiastic about a party but at the moment I just can't muster any. I think I'm still annoyed/disappointed that it went belly up after our arranging it.

[amprev]

Ps. Paperdollcartoon, I am impressed with wedding weather knowledge. 👍

[fastdaytears]

Not unreasonable to feel frustrated and disappointed! But I think in your position I would regret not rescheduling. It sounds like it will be really lovely.

[shovetheholly]

Can you not find an alternative venue and book something in late July/ August, before you get busy? That gives people quite a bit of notice, and you get it done so no-one is disappointed.

Congratulations on your wedding, by the way!!

[GarlicSteak]

:) Adding to Paperdoll's weather advice - it's more likely to be good weather on the day of a full moon. There are proper reasons for this; it's not woo! And of course isn't a rock-hard rule, but it's one I've applied to summer parties for decades, with about a 90% success rate.

Here are some full moon dates:
16 September 2016
10 May 2017
9 June 2017
9 July 2017
7 August 2017
6 September 2017

[OliviaBenson]

I'm not sure you'd need to give guests 2 months notice, given the circumstances. Some people may not be able to make the new date but maybe something in the beginning August could work?

[Bogeyface]

When something horrible happens that means you cant do something when you planned to, it can leave you with a "the world is determined to piss on my chips, so fuck it I just wont bother" feeling. Its the disappointment coming out.

Lets say that you pick August bank holiday weekend and send the invites out this week, thats 11 weeks notice. More than enough. So based on that you could do it mid August and still give the generous notice your DH wants to give.
Personally I think that 6 weeks would be adequate notice for an evening party, but if you have guests travelling to you then 2 months may be better.

I think that you should give yourself a few days to get over the disappointment and then go for it this summer, then all that is happening is that it is being put back a few weeks. I cant help thinking that you will look back and regret not doing it if you cancel altogether.

[amprev]

Thank you - helping me to get my thoughts together. And loving the full moon dates.

[Itriedtodohandstandsforyou]

Do you have room for party at home? Stick up a gazebo, get the vino in, a few nibbles, decent playlist and there you go ?

[Itriedtodohandstandsforyou]

ps. I love the full moon idea too!

[amprev]

Not enough room for 80 - I haven't got the balls only to re-invite part of the original guest list either 😅

[HoggleHoggle]

I think you should go for it, I'm sure you'll be really pleased you did. Also love the idea of full moon dates.

[ProteusRising]

I would sack it off completely and spend the money on a nice family holiday and perhaps something in memory of your dad.

But I may not be the best person to ask as I completely sidestepped the whole wedding thing and just got married with 2 witnesses and went straight back to work later the same day.

[BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn]

I'd do it for the end of July. Not sure why people need 2 months notice.

[Laiste]

I understand the venue will reopen around mid July, but my DH thinks we need to give guests 2 months notice for the rescheduled party

I don't think people need 2 months notice personally. There may well be some of the original guests list away on hols in July mind you. If it was me i'd find out what the first realistic date the venue would be prepared to book after it's refurb. and make a tentative booking to be confirmed. Run the date past as many guests as you can, starting with the ones who are most important to you, IYSWIM? If you get a good no. who can make it go ahead with the booking.