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to not want to go on this school trip?

(21 Posts)
sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 10:36:34

Name changed for this as potentially identifying!

Moved ds2 to small rural school recently. It has a lot of things going for it and he is a lot happier there than at his old school.

Annual school trip to an attraction 50 miles away is coming up. Turns out that parents and (younger) siblings are invited to come along as well and apparently it is the done thing for at least one parent per child to go on the trip. Because of the area we live in, most mums seem to only work part time if at all, so there is an assumption that we can spare the time. To be fair I probably could rearrange my working pattern to go along but I resent the fact that it is expected. AIBU?

I don't know what the situation is with transport yet - whether all the parents go along on a coach or are expected to drive their own kids there. If the deal is that if you can't take your own kid they have to go in another parent's car I'm not sure I would be too comfortable about that.

sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 10:43:24

By the way - I was DBS checked at his old school and I did help out on the odd trip so I am not averse to helping out when I can. It is the expectation I object to.

AugustaFinkNottle Mon 06-Jun-16 10:56:44

How old is your child? I don't really think the school should plan trips that depend on masses of parents coming.

GoudyStout Mon 06-Jun-16 11:08:27

Whilst I would be a bit annoyed that I'd feel some peer pressure to go along on the trip so that your son isn't the odd one out without a parent, it might also be a good way to meet other parents and you might even enjoy it?

sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 11:18:43

He's 7, but it's the whole school going (45 ish kids I think).

InternationalHouseofToast Mon 06-Jun-16 11:20:01

It looks like the school are making presumptions based on the standard demographic of the mothers hitherto. But you work, and another parent may have several younger children and not want to take them all.

I'd just politely decline as you are working. If you adjust your hours or schedule the result will impact on the time you can spend with DS at another time. I'd rather have that time on my own with my child than to go along on this trip.

TheoriginalLEM Mon 06-Jun-16 11:23:18

i think YABU actually. If the other children's parents are going your ds will feel left out. Can't you take a days keave?

dementedpixie Mon 06-Jun-16 11:23:22

Our whole school goes to the pantomime each year but they take staff and some parent helpers with them and go by coach. I'd find out what the travel plans are first and then decide whether he/you can go or not

sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 11:27:05

Yes I think the travel plans might be the deal breaker. 100 mile round trip not appealing and I do have older ds to get back for which could also be a problem.

Welshmaenad Mon 06-Jun-16 11:32:55

DS' nursery class (school not daycare) was like this - parents HAD to accompany on the end of year trip and they arranged lots of activities in school time like cooking and crafts that parents were expected to come to and there was a lot of guilt tripping involved about how last year only two poor little DC had no parents there and they were very sad...

It's lovely that they include parents but as a working mum (like you, very much in the minority) I was resentful of the assumption that I could just easily take time off/rearrange my hours. I did do it though for DS sake and the activities were great and he loved that I was there but it involved a lot of juggling and pleasing and eating into holiday/lieu time I was trying to save for school holidays do I could actually take care of him.

I feel your pain but if you can get the time off I would just do it and seethe quietly.

RestlessTraveller Mon 06-Jun-16 11:41:33

So you don't want to do the travel, but wouldn't allow another parent to take your child?

sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 11:41:48

welsh shock that sounds way worse! I am hoping this is a one off, the school day finishes at 3pm so it is tricky enough as it is. Your situation sounds mental.

sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 11:43:31

restless i would prefer they were taken by coach, rather than me having to drive 100 miles or entrusting him to another parent I don't know.

VioletBam Mon 06-Jun-16 11:45:57

Oh this exact thing happened to me OP when we moved our DC to a small rural school!

I spoke to the teacher and she arranged for my DD to go with another parent...and do you know, they turned out to be lovely and over the years we developed a lovely friendship.

I wasn't comfy with it either...I remember thinking about police checks and things...but it was fine. And one of the better things about a small rural school was that it was very "pitch in and help" and that was a big part of what made it so special.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 06-Jun-16 12:41:12

You are enjoying your son being happier at his you school but don't want to give back to help them?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Mon 06-Jun-16 12:42:58

Unless the trip involves some sort of activity where the staff/pupil ratios need to be particularly high I would simply send a note in to say it's not convenient.
I've done a school trip. DD was very keen for me to do one "like the other mums". So I got myself DBS checked, took a day off work and duly went along. I think she realised that having mum along to keep an extra special eye on her was not all it was cracked up to be grin grin

sch00ltrip Mon 06-Jun-16 13:23:41

Violet That's lovely that you had that experience. BUT I still think that if your child is in school and the school organises a trip, that the transport to and from the trip should also be the school's responsibility. DBS checks don't assess someone's driving, nor the roadworthiness of their car beyond whether they have any convictions. A properly licensed coach company has to have certain measures in place, and that's why I would be more comfortable with a coach. Which may indeed be the plan, I don't know yet.

Goingtobeawesome As stated upthread, I do and always have 'pitched in'. I have done trips, walks, run stalls at summer fairs, wrapped presents from Santa, helped to set up the Christmas party, etc, etc, and I fully intend to do so at this school when time allows. I just don't like the presumption, and I don't think it is necessary.

RhiWrites Mon 06-Jun-16 14:05:02

I completely agree with all your points, OP. But you seem to have moved to an area with very different values to yours. This isn't about just this trip but about every trip in future and the school's assumption that women won't have full time jobs. How is that going to work in the long term?

worldly123 Mon 06-Jun-16 14:06:14

It must be a rural or small town thing, OP. Honestly, in cities, mothers haven't got time for this kind of thing and its expected that schools do school things and parents do parent things! I'm not entirely surprised you feel a bit miffed tbh. Its nice if parents can do voluntary things to help school but your story sounds slightly different.

worldly123 Mon 06-Jun-16 14:07:35

But read VioletBarn's post and think ... maybe thats the key to it, so you could try and go and enjoy?!

Willow2016 Mon 06-Jun-16 14:35:13

I live in a rural area and parents do pitch in and help with activities if they have the time but if you cant they dont make a fuss about it.

As for trips the kids always go in a bus, teachers and TAs go, no parents.

Only thing that is totaly organised by parents is the p7 end of school trip (to cinema/ bowling and a meal etc) and parents take them in their cars. (small school usually about 10 in class)

You need to find out the exact transport details first, I cant imagine the school expects the parents to take the whole school on a trip 50 miles away in their cars!!! What about siblings, work etc its a bit strange.

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