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AIBU to not take DS to see IL's family?

(71 Posts)
Mishmashpotatoes Mon 06-Jun-16 09:14:58

This is my first post so bear with me

MIL is a nice enough woman although she lives her life social media, acts like a 20 year old, going out drinking every weekend etc.

She showed no interest during pregnancy, she only took an interest after he was born, took plenty of photos and posted to Facebook and got plenty of 'likes', fine with me. She comes up every other day for the first 2 odd weeks and as soon as her likes start dying down, she stops visiting. She lives 2 hours away on the bus, we don't drive she does, the drive would take 30 minutes. She also works near us and hasn't bothered to pop in.

So now a member of MIL family is back from working abroad for a few weeks, and they want us to take DS to theirs so that family member can meet DS.

DS was born is 5 months old and MIL hasn't bothered to see him in over 2 months, has barely even messaged DP, so now probably wants to take some lovely reunion photos for Facebook. If she can't be arsed to see her GS any other time why should I travel that far just so she can play doting grandmother?

AIBU to make an excuse and say we're really busy over the next few weeks and it might not be possible?

MTPurse Mon 06-Jun-16 09:18:54

Have you or your dp ever made the effort to get on the bus and take your ds to see her?

aprilanne Mon 06-Jun-16 09:22:26

its a difficult one .yes she sounds very self absorbed but i would take ds to see relatives because its not there fault mil is how she is some folk are just not cut out to be dotting grandparents unforunately .

NavyAndWhite Mon 06-Jun-16 09:22:38

It's give and take.

Mishmashpotatoes Mon 06-Jun-16 09:22:48

Yes we have, but like I said it's a 2 hour trip there 2 hours back, and 2 different buses so could take longer if there was a long wait time.

Only a 30 minute drive so very easy for them to come here.

whamfan Mon 06-Jun-16 09:23:29

YANBU You need to do what is best for you and your DS. If she wants to see him she should make the effort. Could you perhaps suggest meeting at a cafe that is near by?

bloodymaria Mon 06-Jun-16 09:25:12

YANBU, 2hr bus journey with a 5mo doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Just be honest with her, but maybe say she can come and visit you?

Mishmashpotatoes Mon 06-Jun-16 09:28:11

It's not even the distance for her, she claims she doesn't have the time to come here, even though she works here. She manages to go out drinking every weekend and even went to the beach last week with no invite for DS.

I feel like she's not interested and only wanting to play doting GM to family member, who also hasn't messaged DP since baby's birth

Maybenot321 Mon 06-Jun-16 09:34:11

Say yes, but ask her to come and pick you up in the car.
Bit mean of her to expect you to spend 2 hrs on buses, when she is asking you to do something for her.

TheOddity Mon 06-Jun-16 09:39:54

I would just tell truth and say bus ride is awful with lo and leave it at that, ball back in her court.

Nannawifeofbaldr Mon 06-Jun-16 09:41:08

I would say that she and relative are very welcome to come to your for coffee one afternoon.

That way you keep the moral high ground but do have to slog through a 4hr round trip.

If she doesn't choose to make the journey she can't blame you.

Kittyrobin Mon 06-Jun-16 09:46:58

I think you should look at whether or not your son would benefit. Would he spend the day getting fussed over? Lots of people to coo over him make him laugh, cuddle him etc. I spend most days on my own with Dc so I would be grateful of the social interaction.

If you don't go to spite or teach your mil a lesson then your son is also missing out.

Could you get the train rather than the bus? Then he can come out of the buggy to sit on your lap.

molyholy Mon 06-Jun-16 09:47:08

Can't you ask her to come and pick you up?

BillSykesDog Mon 06-Jun-16 09:47:19

Have you invited her? It only takes a quick flick through this forum to see that the most common complaint about MILs is that they are overbearing and hang around too much. She may well be giving you space.

leelu66 Mon 06-Jun-16 09:51:11

As moly says, ask her to pick you up. Or she could bring family to see you.

Lymmmummy Mon 06-Jun-16 09:54:36

Hard to say if she is just doing the doting nana act for her own glory on Facebook

But I think a practical solution might be to say you would like to go but could she give you a lift (either one way or both ways() as is difficult to make bus journey with small baby

If she agrees fair enough

Aeroflotgirl Mon 06-Jun-16 09:55:37

I don't blame you op, she sounds very self absorbed and self centred. I would tell her, that she is welcome to come and see her grandchildren, and leave it at that. I don't drive, I totally understand how long and uncomfortable the journey would be, and she works near you, so can easily pop over.

pictish Mon 06-Jun-16 09:56:18

So unless she conforms to your notion of what a grandparent should do and be, she can take a hike.

Hope my future sons in law.daughters in law aren't quite so rigid. I was hoping to live my child free later years by by own design.

pictish Mon 06-Jun-16 09:58:12

* She manages to go out drinking every weekend and even went to the beach last week with no invite for DS.*

What? She went to the beach without her grandson? Well how very dare she?? And drinking every weekend? Heavens above! Anyone would think she had her own life to live!

Aeroflotgirl Mon 06-Jun-16 09:59:37

[pictish], yes I would expect grandparent to make an effort sometimes, especially when its a lot harder for op to go and see her. If you don't drive, than you won't understand really. A 30 min journey by car, can take 2 hours on public transport, factor in the extra stuff you have to carry with little ones. Yes I would expect the grandparent to make more of an effort.

Arkhamasylum Mon 06-Jun-16 09:59:50

Is it possible that she just doesn't feel welcome in your house? You sound like you don't like her very much.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 06-Jun-16 10:00:22

Yes of course she can do what the hell she likes, its her life, but make more effort with the grandkids.

diddl Mon 06-Jun-16 10:02:34

Why does this have to involve MIL at all?

dowhatnow Mon 06-Jun-16 10:06:35

I'd agree on the basis they come to you or they pick you up.

Just repeat it's too long on a bus to do regularly and it's much easier in a car.

ladylambkin Mon 06-Jun-16 10:09:56

You don't seem to like her very much, she may have picked up on this

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