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baby shower

(26 Posts)
flowerpower10 Mon 06-Jun-16 07:23:13

I am upset that 95% of people I have asked via email at work or FB have not bothered to answer if they are coming to my baby shower which my best and as it seems only friend is organising

meditrina Mon 06-Jun-16 07:27:32

I have never understood why people don't RSVP.

OK, anyone can muck anything up occasionally, but that might mean one or two missing, not most.

welshweasel Mon 06-Jun-16 07:29:11

Maybe they all think that baby showers are a hideously grabby American invention. However not sending an rsvp is rude.

Alconleigh Mon 06-Jun-16 07:32:07

Why do you know this? If your friend is organising it she should be the one following up etc. If you're actually pulling the strings behind the scene then that's not really in the spirit of them, I believe. Having said that not replying is rude. I would be a definite no as I don't like baby showers but I would at least say so!

Only1scoop Mon 06-Jun-16 07:34:15

Why have you asked them.

Invites are sent from the organiser.

Onlyicanclean10 Mon 06-Jun-16 07:34:25

Rather rip out my toe nails than have a baby shower but am sure lots of friends will turn up but just haven't remembered to reply.

Don't get upset. Don't judge friendships on baby shower attendance.

Marilynsbigsister Mon 06-Jun-16 07:36:11

Well it depends. If you are in the U.S then that is strange. Are you absolutely sure that the messages have posted correctly ? Ask the friend who is organising to chase up RSVPs.

If in UK, then quite different. 'Baby showers' are looked on by many as unnecessary 'grabby' excuses for gift acquisition. It is not part of our culture but a recent arrival from across the pond and not to everyone's taste. Most people in the UK would prefer to wait for baby's arrival and then 'shower' the baby with gifts once they know bubba is safely here.

londonrach Mon 06-Jun-16 07:41:43

Pregnant here first time and not doing a shower as i think its bad luck in case something goes wrong and its abit american. However op if you are having one its very rude your guests arent letting you know. How soon to the shower.

branofthemist Mon 06-Jun-16 07:43:21

It's rude not to rsvp

When did you send the invites. I would assume most of them aren't coming and trying to come up with a reason.

flowerpower10 Mon 06-Jun-16 10:38:44

My friend set it up so I can see who is coming on FB
And I ask three ladies at work who then forwarded the invite via email at work I just think it's rude not to reply and in all honesty I thought people who I have worked in the same building for 10 years would reply as they ask most days how bump and I are
I am not being grabby anyone who knows me I am not interested in presents more people showing they care
it wasn't my idea nor did I really want one We have being Ttc for 8 years and I have had a rough pregnancy and bless my sweet friend wanted to throw a shower for me in the last stretch eg 23days before my c-section I didn't want to hurt her and say no after she had gone and hired a place arrange for decorations cake as she has a job 2 children to sort out who dance in carnivals all summer maybe I am being overly emotional by thinking that if someone is kind enough to invite you you should let them no

ENormaSnob Mon 06-Jun-16 10:42:54

Are you in the uk?

If so most people think they are crass and grabby. Possibly why many haven't replied.

RuggerHug Mon 06-Jun-16 10:43:16

It is rude not to rsvp, no matter what people think of what they're invited to. Did the invite have a 'please reply by X date' on them? Could people think they have longer to get back to you?

Only1scoop Mon 06-Jun-16 11:42:36

Surely if it's via FB she can just send everyone a reminder?

flowerpower10 Mon 06-Jun-16 11:59:47

Only one scoop
She could but I feel crappy asking her as well she is very popular and well I am not a social butterfly I guess I am just hurt not many people are bothered about celebrating with us so feel embarrassed having to push people to come

OliveBranchCollins Mon 06-Jun-16 12:54:19

It's very rude not to rsvp

MidnightAura Mon 06-Jun-16 12:59:12

It's rude to rsvp I agree. Perhaps people just don't like the idea of a baby shower.
I know someone that had a gender reveal party which was way worse though than a baby shower!

MidnightAura Mon 06-Jun-16 12:59:28

Of course meant *not to rsvp

Pinkheart5915 Mon 06-Jun-16 13:04:40

People are very rude not to rsvp

I know a lot of people in the uk don't like baby showers but mine last year was nice no presents just an afternoon with friends, cake lots of it, mini sandwiches, mocktails it was enjoyed by all. I suspect my best friend has organised another for me next week for baby number 2

RayofFuckingSunshine Mon 06-Jun-16 13:24:08

You say you're not bothered about presents and just want people to show they care. That's fine, and quite possibly true. But a lot of people assume baby shower means grabby, and saying that you don't care about presents doesn't change people's opinions.

Also, most people don't care about other peoples babies in anything more than a passing 'oh how cute' sort of way. Chances are they ask about your baby out of politeness, not because they care.

MyNewBearTotoro Mon 06-Jun-16 13:26:50

Did you send out personal invites or a blanket email/ Facebook reply to multiple people?

I would always respond to a personal invite with but truthfully I don't always bother to respond to group invites if my answer is a no. Often they seem to have been sent to everybody on the organisers contact list and that makes the invite seem casual enough to not warrant formal RSVPs. Obviously I would always respond if my answer is yes (I'd never just turn up!) but wouldn't necessarily if my answer was no.

If you've sent out personal invites though which make it clear the invitees have been sought out because you genuinely want them there, not just because they're in your contact list, then people have been rude not to reply.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Mon 06-Jun-16 13:30:14

Shower means shower with gifts and, as you've already specified that it's a gift-giving occasion by opting for a shower rather than a general party/send off, you're probably stuck with it.

And yes it's rude not to RSVP in good time.

Excited101 Mon 06-Jun-16 14:03:12

Loads of people don't see them as crass or grabby, I don't know where this idea comes from. I'm yet to meet one person who thinks this.

It's a party to celebrate having a baby, some people bring presents, some don't. Sometimes you make stuff, sometimes you don't. Sometimes there's games and sometimes there isn't. They're so inoffensive I just don't understand the hate.

The only time they're 'grabby' is if you demand presents, which is no different to any other occasion ever.

sharknad0 Mon 06-Jun-16 14:09:31

No-one has to like and agree to go to a baby shower, but it is so rude not to reply, even if it is a group invite on Facebook. How precious are you if you need a handwritten hand-delivered invit? Just because you are part of a group doesn't mean the organiser is not looking forward to see you.

How is anyone supposed to guess that silence from Bob means no, but silence from John means yes?

I can't figure out why everything has to be such a headache with some people, who are so quick to criticise everything. If you don't want to be a part of something, just gracefully decline the invitation, it's not that difficult.

branofthemist Mon 06-Jun-16 14:11:27

I would imagine, since a its on Facebook, everyone things it's just an open invitation to everyone. Rather than actually inviting them personally. Iyswim. More of 'it's X baby shower on this date come if you want to'.

Your friend is organising this, she needs to resolve it. One of the annoying things about planning a party is the people drag their feet.

She is planning it, she needs to sort it.

branofthemist Mon 06-Jun-16 14:16:09

I don't know where this idea comes from.

It comes from the fact that 'baby' showers are frequently turning into 'mother showers'.

Everyone I have been to has been gifts for the 'mother only' and the. A gift is expected when the baby is born.

Rather than the shower being the time to give your gift for the new arrival.

I do agree though, wether you want to or should rsvp.

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