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Aibu to always feel like I'm meant for something more?

(85 Posts)
DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis Mon 06-Jun-16 00:39:33

I've always felt like I am meant for something more. Not sure what exactly it is though confused (although I have always wanted to write a book, so maybe that's it?) Before I had dc, I worked a stable, average salary job with little responsibility or career progression, and I would reason with myself that my career dissatisfaction was ok because I would eventually do something brilliant. Then I had dc and was lucky enough to be able to stay at home with them, and although I am happier than ever and everything has fallen into place nicely, I am still plagued by the feeling that I am destined for greater things. I constantly feel like I should be doing something about it.

I've looked it up and apparently it's very common, but I've never heard anyone discuss it in real life. The older I get, the harder it is for me to ignore. Does everyone have this little niggle that they just ignore/suppress? And has anyone actually paid it heed and done great things?

Cakescakescakes Mon 06-Jun-16 00:43:12

I feel like this too! Like I'm wasting my time treading water. I've no idea what to do about it though and it makes me feel a bit silly.

AllegraWho Mon 06-Jun-16 00:57:13

But you are doing great things already. You are bringing up children. You are actually completely responsible for the growth and development of another human being.

I feel utterly, utterly petrified every time I relise this - but the high when it works out...

fatmomma99 Mon 06-Jun-16 00:58:46

Agree with Allegra, but also think - if you think you can write, then write.

Try it. Practice makes perfect (DH is published....)

Beeziekn33ze Mon 06-Jun-16 01:00:17

Yes, get writing! Good luck!

UterusUterusGhali Mon 06-Jun-16 01:01:45

I hear you!

MothertotheLordsofmisrule Mon 06-Jun-16 01:04:57

You are destined to get in that ship and travel through that wormhole.
And if you could relay some info about black holes via a watch that would be great.wink

Amammi Mon 06-Jun-16 01:19:07

Do you mean that you wish you had more material things or fame etc or do you mean you'd like to make your mark somehow and make a bigger contribution to others? Having meaningful work is a big factor in happiness and feeling what you do has value is important to many people. I was working for a successful business and left to work in a similar role but for less pay in a charity which matched up with my own personal values. I am so much happier now. Still have tough days at work occasionally and I have a heavy work load but I am very committed and determined as I know what we do makes life easier for those who use our services and I take some satisfaction from that.

MrsSpecter Mon 06-Jun-16 01:29:06

I feel the same OP, but i wonder if we are a product of our generation. We have been surrounded by people acquiring fame for this, that and everything for the past few decades now and it is easy to fool ourselves into thinking everyone is achieving greatness from nothing. (Just look at the rhetoric used by MLM sellers!) And that we are lagging behind if we arent doing something awesome. It isnt the case. Most of the world is just surviving.

Even so, if you have a dream, certainly go for it. Everyone can achieve something no matter how small.

myownprivateidaho Mon 06-Jun-16 01:33:45

You need to make a plan if you want to achieve something. A concrete plan with time posts Etc. It won't just happen and it'll be scary to actually face up to the reality of a challenge. But it sounds like you should go for it.

clarrrp Mon 06-Jun-16 02:00:33

so what's stopping you?

sorry, but I really hate this 'i was meant for something more' bullshit - you will never achieve anything if you don't get out there and do it.

You wanna write a book then write a book.

Don't sit and play the tortured artist and plead for sympathy.

Christ. Talk about first world problems.

Put up or shut up.

treaclesoda Mon 06-Jun-16 02:19:48

I don't think the OP was pleading for sympathy confused or feeling sorry for herself. I took it to be a genuine question as to whether or not other people felt the same.

I was actively discouraged by my parents from pursuing 'a career' despite doing well at school and university, for various reasons but one of them was that if I did, I would never be satisfied and would always want more than I have, more money, more responsibility, more everything. I ignored them, tried my best, failed miserably and have spent 20 unhappy years trying to get ahead. But actually I feel like they were right. I can't imagine ever being in a position where I wouldn't want more. I have no concept of what it would be like to be satisfied with my life, I know I would always want more, a better job, more money, no matter how good a job I already had. I wouldn't say my life is miserable but I've certainly never felt fulfilled or satisfied and I feel that if I've reached my forties without ever having felt happy I've probably got to face the fact that I never will.

treaclesoda Mon 06-Jun-16 02:20:53

Which is my rambling way of saying that maybe my parents were right. If I had aimed lower in life, I think I would be much happier.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Mon 06-Jun-16 02:31:48

Does you seem like a thoughtful type, it doesn't mean you have to DO ANYTHING, it's very common because many of us feel the need to express, we do, if you do, then DO, express it however you feel. There's no right or wrong way.

Just do it.

Get it out there.

MrsSpecter Mon 06-Jun-16 02:39:00

treacle your post resonates with me. Do you think when you say you failed (at feeling satisfied with what you have?) that perhaps your parents' discouragement played a part in that? I know i constantly have my dad's voice in my head as soon as i think i'd like to try something, i hear him saying "you? Sure you couldn't do that. your sister could but not you " and i fight very hard to silence it. There are times it wins and it has definitely led to me passing up opportunities due to self doubt that i know he fostered in me. I wonder if maybe you werent ever to feel satisfied because you were constantly told that you wouldnt be? Like a self fulfilling prophecy?

treaclesoda Mon 06-Jun-16 02:45:28

MrsSpecter quite possibly.

My parents weren't nasty or anything, my dad didn't mean to wreck my confidence. He thought he was doing the right thing because by his logic, I was so unlikely to succeed at whatever I wanted to do that he thought it was better for him to discourage me from even trying, because that way I wouldn't have to deal with the upset of failure. He thought he was protecting me. Does that make sense?

EverySongbirdSays Mon 06-Jun-16 02:46:03

I feel similar

I was constantly bigged up as a child and young adult - and told I would achieve big things, being relentlessly pushed/ afraid to fail made me a state by my late teens and now I haven't done anything special and I feel like a failure whereas both siblings who were not pushed in the same way are at the top of their careers. None of us have had successful personal lives but that's another story.

redexpat Mon 06-Jun-16 05:34:30

Read how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. Skip the bit about boxing day and go straight to now list and wish list.

HoundoftheBaskervilles Mon 06-Jun-16 05:54:49

I think you are all looking at this the wrong way (other than TheLordofMisrule, who possibly has read the right amount of science fiction) the fact you even exist and have the luxury of dissatisfaction, is that not pretty fucking amazing?

Do you not see your lives as singular, as utterly amazing in themselves? You have been born (even the fact you've been born), at the right time, around the right star, at the right time in Galactic history, to be able to think that? In a country that is stable enough to give you time to ponder the futility of your life?

FUCK ME, that's some special shit right there. You don't HAVE to do anything other than infuse your children with the wonder of actually being alive, read up about Fermi's Paradox, look up at the sky, feel small, feel alive, roll in the grass, get an animal you have a deep relationship with if that's your thing. Grow plants, read words, let them roll around in your head, think about them, think about what they really mean. Do some maths courses, or philosophy, Corsera is great for that.

Think about life and what it means, really enjoy it. Enjoy the fact you have the space to enjoy it and the space to feel dissatisfaction, volunteer, what really means something to you? Go out and volunteer in a way that makes you feel fulfilled.

Don't sit around and feel shit, don't feel useless, what a waste of a fucking gift.

Listen to your favourite music, try and find a way to send people out into the Universe, write a book, read ALL the books, non and all of it is wasted.

Eat some food, drink some wine, drink allll, the wine, go mad on mescaline, do what the fuck you like, really, and pass that gift on. You are a freeborn woman, you have choices, don't be sad about that, it's ok to be small, the Universe is pretty big.

We don;t have to be special, we ARE special, the act of thinking that makes us so.

Just5minswithDacre Mon 06-Jun-16 06:07:08

Maybe you're dimly aware of talents unexplored or unfulfilled. It's not too late smile

HoundoftheBaskervilles Mon 06-Jun-16 06:16:14

I like that Just, 'Dimly aware' is apposite and lovely.

goingmadinthecountry Mon 06-Jun-16 06:42:23

Hound, thank you. You've given me the kick I need this morning. I've been doing far too much poor me my life is shit thinking recently - mid-life slump - and I'm sure it's starting to affect my family. Why wouldn't it? My life is very far from shit and I know that - it's just easy to get into a bit of a downward spiral when stuff doesn't go to plan.

Thank you - a little light bulb went on when I read your reply to the post I could have easily written myself.

ConkerTriumphant Mon 06-Jun-16 06:46:10

I think some of you might like to read The Celestine Prophecy if you haven't already.

Lovefromhull Mon 06-Jun-16 06:46:40

Funny isn't it. I teach- and we spend so much time telling children to be the best. But I want to tell them that having their own choices in life is the most wonderful thing- whether that's kids, job that makes them happy, enough money for a treat now and then. Simple things that are very precious. Off track a bit - sorry.
But I often feel the guilt of not nurturing my career properly. could be doing loads of cool things, and don't. Life's busy.

pearlylum Mon 06-Jun-16 07:07:05

hound speaks wise words.

I feel very lucky that I am living here, my children have enough food and water, I am not living in a war zone, we have free health and medical care- many are not so lucky.

I too delight in small things, the universe fills me with inspiration.
I found great satisfaction in helping others. I gave up my career to become a SAHM, nut when my children were small I trained as a breastfeeding counsellor. The help I have given others over the years has nurtured me many times over.

I find inspiration in this young woman, a Norwegian artist and blogger who finds great power in simple things
jonnajinton.se/lat-fjallvind-blasa-hjartat-rent/

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