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(30 Posts)
NooniOnFire Sun 05-Jun-16 19:43:11

NC for this but I am more of a lurker than a poster anyway

My mother and older brother have always teamed up to 'wind me up', mock me and generally use me as a butt of their jokes. They justify it as 'it's only a joke' and 'you're just over sensitive'.

Today me DH and DS popped into their house to drop something off. My mother began teasing me straight away and my brother joined in. Not only do I not find it funny, I feel humiliated in front of my DH and DS. I was visibly upset and told them so but they just tried to distract me by talking about other things, which they have always done (to avoid having to apologise). I left quickish to get myself out of the situation.

Aibu or over sensitive, to hate the ganging up to tease me?

Rockelburger Sun 05-Jun-16 19:46:26

I don't think you are being over sensitive, they should respect you in your own house, and elsewhere for that matter. I had a stepdad who treated me like this my whole childhood and it had lasting effects. The idea of my real family doing it would drive me mad!!!

OTheHugeManatee Sun 05-Jun-16 19:52:40

They sound horrible. YANBU. I would spend as little time there as possible.

NooniOnFire Sun 05-Jun-16 20:01:09

I tend to spend a lot of time with my mother, she's mostly ok on her own but once my brother is there it's torture

They used to mock my voice all the time until I went ballistic at them for it one day (had a thread here then too)

ifcatscouldtalk Sun 05-Jun-16 20:18:13

You don't sound over sensitive. I'd keep visits few and far between but that's me. In the last few years decided to look after me and distance myself from people that bring me down and that includes some family members. I'm happier for it and don't care what people think. Your mothers very lucky that you keep going back for more, I would maybe say "Im a bit old for all this piss taking now so maybe i'll see you on your own in future as you seem a different person when brother is with you." Actually I wouldn't be that polite, but you sound like a nicer person than me.

CombineBananaFister Sun 05-Jun-16 20:31:53

no you are not oversensitive and shame on your mum for doing it just because your brother is there - its like some kid trying to look cool infront of the other one by being mean.

My dad used to do this to my mum whenever my brother went round - they'd just rip the piss out of her and then make out she didnt have a sense of humour, I hated it and am pretty sure it lead to her anxiety issues. I am old enough now to put them both in their places and stick up for her and funnily enough they are not good at taking what they dish out but they aren't brave enough to give me shit.

molyholy Sun 05-Jun-16 20:37:51

Yanbu. They are probably jealous of you. Do it back. They will soon stfu.

Howmuchisthatdoggyinthewindow Sun 05-Jun-16 20:39:44

What was the joke?

They probably have a different soh to you but they should have twigged that by now and learned not to if it upsets you.

jobrum Sun 05-Jun-16 20:43:45

Not at all oversenitive. My dm and d grandma used to do the same, loads when i was a teen so it always takes me back to that incomfortable age as well. Its upsetting and bewildering. No solutions though.

NavyAndWhite Sun 05-Jun-16 20:48:32

' they are probably jealous of you '


EveryoneElsie Sun 05-Jun-16 20:51:22

Its bullying. No you;re not being overly sensitive.
Why does your Mum think its funny to gang up against you with your brother? Especially after you have said no to it.
Why cant the three of you have a normal conversation, or a laugh and a joke that doesnt put someone down?

NooniOnFire Sun 05-Jun-16 21:03:46

What would they be jealous of?! That's a weird comment

I spilled something, M said it would stain, I said it wouldn't, she said 'you don't know everything even though you think you do', then she said to H 'she's easy to wind up' and B said 'she's just plain easy' :S there was also a comment about me being a bad mother but I've forgotten the context

halighhalighaliehaligh Sun 05-Jun-16 21:12:44

Try not to show you're upset and just wind them back up even more every time they do it (stuff you know they won't like). See how they like getting some 'banter' back. I doubt they will carry on doing it for long.

Penfold007 Sun 05-Jun-16 21:12:50

They are bullies. I'd start limiting my and my children's exposure to them.

Nanny0gg Sun 05-Jun-16 21:21:40

So why do you spend a lot of time with her?

Joolsy Sun 05-Jun-16 21:25:07

I hate this sort of thing too. They are trying to belittle you for their entertainment so YANBU. I am not sure what the solution is as I get upset too with this behaviour.

Pearl34 Sun 05-Jun-16 21:26:53

My brother always used to tease me when I was younger and when I got upset my mum told me I was being oversensitive and to stop being silly. Thank goodness now at 30 when he makes teasing comments she acknowledges it and tells him to stop.

You certainly are not being oversensitive - they are being cruel and belittling you.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Sun 05-Jun-16 21:28:50


I have had this to a much smaller degree. I have also been told I take things to heart too much etc. I also note that these people are perfectly fine when they are on their own with me, someone else is there then they act differently and it really pisses me off, but then I have noticed everyone I know (family) is like this, including DH. He doesn't take the mick but he does talk differently in front of other people than when we are on our own. I have a lot of wind up merchants in my family (nearly all males) and they think it's hilarious to put me down or make me the button their jokes. I generally ignore it and I don't see my family a huge amount. It's annoying though that you can't be treated as an adult.

I think in your situation I'd walk out and tell them that you won't spend any time with either of them whilst they are together until they can bloody well grow up and treat you with respect.

SquinkiesRule Sun 05-Jun-16 21:29:07

I'd limit time there, and walk away if they are both there together.
If they ask, say you are very happy today and don't need to listen to their crap/piss take so you are choosing not to be around them.
Its a good lesson for your children if you show them that is not how to treat anyone, ever. It's disrespectful.

Teresalosingtheirleaves Sun 05-Jun-16 21:30:57

Avoid them. Doing the same as them makes no distinction between what's ok and what's not. Furthermore it sets a bad example to your ds.

PoisonWitch Sun 05-Jun-16 21:34:20

Sounds horrible. My dad and I mock each other all the time as we can take it. My sister is much more touchy so she gets gentle ribbing and once she starts getting grumpy it stops straight away. That's how families should work.

If she got actually upset I'd be mortified and never do whatever upset her again.

Mycraneisfixed Sun 05-Jun-16 21:52:11

YANBU. Your mother needs to grow up and stop trying to be her son's 'friend'. She's a mother to you both and needs to start acting like it.

RainIsAGoodThing Sun 05-Jun-16 21:52:12

Mine do this, it's horrible. I feel like an outsider around them and as such I avoid them as much as possible. My mum moans that she doesn't get to see her children all together - I feel like asking, why do you bloody think that is?! There's no point me saying anything though, it'll be denied and I'll be made to feel even more stupid. You have my

Specialagentblond Sun 05-Jun-16 22:00:17

You are definitely not being over sensitive, and you are right to call them out on it..

I would suggest making observations and letting them hang in the air, like, God here we go again, or you two really turn into 5 year olds when you get together, or god this brings back memories, it's like being in a time warp, etc..

Family revert to childhood sometimes, and know exactly which buttons to press. my db and I are always larking about and I think your two are just refusing to grow up.

Good luck x

Playduh Sun 05-Jun-16 22:06:48

Ugh, some of my DH's family do it to my DH. I think they think they are trying to pull him down a peg or two. Or something similar. He's from an area that really struggles with tall poppy syndrome.

I've made it very clear that a little bit of fun is okay, but there's a limit. He can be a wee bit pompous but he's also ten times the lot of them put together. In a funny way it brings us closer as a couple. We can also escape for months and months on end as we are at the other side of the country.


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