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To not accept dds apology

(83 Posts)
sockrage Sun 05-Jun-16 18:45:59

Who has picked up and thrown a heavy book at me in temper and hit me in the breasts with it because she couldn't find something and that apparently was my fault.

Instead of being apologetic she raved on that it doesn't hurt if your hit in the breasts and I want a perfect child because I expect her not to hurt me.

Shes just come in 40 minutes later to apologise and expects everything to immediately go back to normal.

If she had apologised straight away fair enough but she didn't angry

Nanny0gg Sun 05-Jun-16 18:47:00

How old is she?

Newes Sun 05-Jun-16 18:49:26

She probably needed the 40 mins to calm down. Accept the apology and move on, with a reminder that throwing stuff is never acceptable. You can accept the apology but still need to time to get over the row and she needs to realise that.

Crispbutty Sun 05-Jun-16 18:50:16

2yo just about understandable, any older would be getting reprimanded, grounded, and would soon know they were well out of order

Champagneformyrealfriends Sun 05-Jun-16 18:51:27

How old is she? Remind her that it's not her decision whether or not her actions have hurt somebody, physically or emotionally.

sockrage Sun 05-Jun-16 18:53:06

Sorry thought i had put age. She is 13.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 05-Jun-16 18:53:12

Response depends on age, clearly.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 05-Jun-16 18:53:24

x-post

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead Sun 05-Jun-16 18:54:39

You should accept her apology but there should be a punishment for her actions

Chocolate123 Sun 05-Jun-16 18:55:53

Well out of order accept her apology but explain there is a punishment for her behaviour and stick to it.

Wellthen Sun 05-Jun-16 18:55:58

Was she asked to apologise or was it off her own bat? If she's chosen to apologise and has done so nicely then I think that says a lot and to not accept it would be petty. But I agree it doesn't excuse the fact she did it and there should be some form of consequence. I would be annoyed if I felt she was only apologising to get out of punishment or to get you off her back.

Agree with PPs that the 40 min wait is fair enough as its hard to apologise when you're in a rage, no matter how unreasonable that rage.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 05-Jun-16 18:56:19

If you think, like I do, that our job is to teach children how to be effective adults, then this is a really important one.

She needs to apologise and mean it. She also needs to learn to manage her anger, which is very hard at 13. If 40 minutes was enough to calm down that was actually a great and effective thing to do, just should have been before the book, not after.

She needs consequences. Could she come up with some? And she needs a talk about violence, bodies belonging to people so we make the decisions about ours, appropriate anger and so on.

Champagneformyrealfriends Sun 05-Jun-16 18:56:23

13-put it down to hormones, accept her apology so long as it was sincere and maybe take away a privilege but do forgive her. I think teenagers need to learn the importance of forgiveness.

branofthemist Sun 05-Jun-16 18:56:53

You should accept the apology. In my opinion.

But there should be some consequences for her behaviour. Which she should accept as well. A chat about acceptable behaviour.

Lelloteddy Sun 05-Jun-16 18:56:59

Accept the apology but set a suitable punishment. She needs to know her behaviour is TOTALLY unacceptable.

Crispbutty Sun 05-Jun-16 19:01:08

Sorry but at 13 she should know not to be violent and have respect for her parents. Sorry would not cut it with me.

TooGood2BeFalse Sun 05-Jun-16 19:03:21

If I had done that at 13...wow an apology would not have cut it, serious consequences.

My mum would have been too hurt to forgive me immediately either. Calming down time for you both tonight and discuss it tomorrow?

RaeSkywalker Sun 05-Jun-16 19:03:45

There need to be consequences for this. I also think you should sit her down and explain that whilst you understand she is sorry, you feel very hurt by what she did. Then accept her apology and move on.

ENormaSnob Sun 05-Jun-16 19:04:03

13?!! FFS

Sorry would not suffice tbh. There needs to be a consequence imo

22esmeweatherwax Sun 05-Jun-16 19:05:08

At that age the apology only counts if she means it and she didn't mean it is ok not to accept. She will need to understand consequences of her behaviour and that it is never OK to hit you or hurt you however cross she feels. Calm discussion later and some form of loss of something that matters to her( screen time?) as a consequence.

Pinkheart5915 Sun 05-Jun-16 19:06:10

At 13 I would except the apology but I would be taking something a way for a week (iPad, mobile, computer) and we would be having a chat about how that behaviour is not acceptable and make it clear I won't put up with it.

Rebecca2014 Sun 05-Jun-16 19:10:48

I would accept the apology if she did it off her own back which it sounds like she did.

But if it happened again...different story.

anotherbusymum14 Sun 05-Jun-16 19:13:14

Sorry this happened, but well done that your DD did apologize. Thankfully she will learn from this and know what is a good response and what isn't. Some kids wouldn't have bothered or known to apologise, so I'd happily accept the apology. Yes you could just say "thanks for the apology I appreciate it but there's a consequence to our actions and you actually really hurt me so you can't access or have "XYZ" for a day or so". That's what I'd do. There are consequences for our actions in the world and now is a great time for her to learn that.

MrsDeVere Sun 05-Jun-16 19:13:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Windsofwinter Sun 05-Jun-16 19:19:00

I think at that age my DM would have given me the "I'm very disappointed" routine, followed by the cold shoulder for days.

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