To have ordered a cup of tea?

[overwhelmed34]

Dh, Dd, ds and I were invited to a pub lunch today with a group of friends. Money is a bit tight at the moment so we'd talked beforehand about trying not to spend too much.

After the meal we were all chatting leisurely whilst the kids played. Ds asked dh for a drink as he was v hot. As he got up to go inside to order dh asked me if I'd like anything. I said 'ooh yes please, a tea' he said 'really?', I said 'yes please' and he went inside and got one.

In the car on the way home dh seemed subdued so I asked him if he was tired. 'Yes,' he said 'but also I am NOT happy about you ordering that tea...'

It seems that although he asked me if I wanted anything, he expected me to say no, given our previously arranged budget, and if I wanted a tea that was an indicator that it was time to go home. My feeling was that, although we had talked about not spending much, he did offer and therefore shouldn't be cross I accepted.

To be fair dh suffers from depression, struggles in the heat and finds social stuff exhausting. But still, should I accept his view on this??

[LondonSpoon]

What did you agree about spending?

[Pinkheart5915]

I think although you had agreed not to go crazy, is a cup of tea really going to break the bank?
IMO you done nothing wrong. If he didn't want you to have anything why did he ask

[dementedpixie]

Why on earth would he ask you if he wanted you to say no? Bit passive aggressive to be annoyed about it

[dementedpixie]

A tap water would have been free I suppose

[overwhelmed34]

london we'd agreed to try and stay as close as possible to £40. I knew we were already over that but thought it was a 'what the he'll it's sunny why don't we just stay a bit longer' kind of a thing. Clearly I was wrong!

[ChicRock]

Depends really.

If you had a pre-agreed budget and you spent the time quaffing wine and fillet steak while he was having tap water and beans then I can see his point.

[caroldecker]

Of course you were wrong - he offered in front of your friends so as to cover up the skint bit - you were expected to play along as previously agreed.

[overwhelmed34]

No, we both had an equally priced main, a lemonade, and shared a dessert.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

He shouldn't have asked you if he didn't want to have to buy anything.

[overwhelmed34]

Carol that is a very good point, I didn't think of that.

[EveryoneElsie]

Then he shouldn't have asked you if you wanted anything.

[dementedpixie]

Is a tea really going to break the bank though? He was getting a drink for the child anyway

[Penfold007]

You'd both agreed a budget and you knew you'd already gone over it but thought 'what the hell '. I think I understand DH's annoyance.

[overwhelmed34]

Thank you demented ! Also true!

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

My first thought was the same as carols to be honest.

[ChicRock]

Given your update I can see why he was annoyed.

[dementedpixie]

But he was going over the budget to get the Dc a drink. He could have said at that point it was time to go rather than saying yes to the child getting a drink.

[frenchielala]

You were not in the wrong! It is a tea, what £3 max? If he didn't want to you have anything, he shouldn't have asked - you are not a mind reader.

I hope you enjoyed it. I hope his attitude didn't ruin your afternoon in the sun!

[GrimmauldPlace]

I appreciate budgets are important and we aren't exactly floating in money ourselves. But, if we were seriously broke we wouldn't be going to a pub lunch in the first place. To me, your post sounds like you'd decided that money is a bit tight so you'd both be careful with what you spent and not go overboard. It doesn't sound like you had £40 and that was it, not a penny more. I would never dream of getting annoyed with DH if he dared have another drink whilst we were out. If he decided to buy a couple of rounds for everyone I might say something. I think he is overreacting.

[Rainbunny]

Well I can understand his annoyance at being over budget but he shouldn't have offered to get you a drink! How are you supposed to read his mind to know whether it was a token offer you were meant to refuse or if he genuinely was happy to get you a drink? I can't stand passive aggressive behaviour like that.

[Jodie1982]

How much was the cuppa?

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I think he offered you a drink to be polite and out of habit. But he expected you to decline because you both had already agreed about the budget.
His offer didn't cost any money. You asking for a tea, did.
YABU

[overwhelmed34]

mrsfizzy that is exactly our situation. We aren't in a dire financial situation, just trying not to go overboard.
And to be clear, I wouldn't have asked for a tea. I just accepted his offer. But all points are taken on board as I don't want this to ruin our day!

[overwhelmed34]

I think £2.50 jodie

[SapphireStrange]

I agree with all those saying he was PA.

I also can't imagine my DP using the words 'I am NOT happy about...' when talking to me. He sounds like a disapproving teacher.

Your agreement was quite vague: 'as close as possible to £40.' Did he consider the child's drink to be an acceptable excess, but not the cost of your tea? Why does he get to decide that unilaterally?




I think YANBU.