DS (10) plays out with quite a few local children. He has some attachment issues as I've mentioned before and struggles sometimes socially so I'm desperate for him to learn to socialise which is why I allow him out despite some of the things I'm about to mention.
Usually things are good when playing out but there are some older children who will pick on DS and say things for being a little bit 'different' (he's a lovely lad but can be a bit young for his age and is a bit of an old man at times!) I usually just tell him to ignore these boys which he is getting much better at doing now. He used to come in crying regularly but I have worked on his resilience, equipped him with dismissive but assertive 'come backs' (like 'I don't mind what you think, I like it' if they say something he has is stupid for example).
Recently was his 10th birthday. He wanted a full face bike helmet (we were going dirt biking but he wanted one anyway). These older boys kept telling him he'd look stupid and they wouldn't hang around with him if he got one etc etc etc. He had had his heart set on this but then kept saying he didn't want one after all because these boys (one in particular) would laugh at him. I told him not to be daft and we didn't care about anyone else remember and I was so pleased that he said he still wanted it.
When he got it, I was worried he wouldn't go out in it but he did and I was really impressed. About 10 mins later he came in crying, saying this boy had refused to play with him now because he had the helmet on. I reassured him again and told him to get back out there and he did! Again I was really impressed with him and next time I looked, this boy was asking to try it on!
Fast forward to today. He was out playing again with this group and was sitting chatting. His bike was nearby with his helmet on the handlebars. Next thing, this same boy said 'let's make chips out of X's helmet' and began throwing stones at it. DS came in and showed me-the back of the helmet is all chipped.
I went out and spoke to the boy. I have never done this before preferring to let him deal with things himself but I was so cross. I asked him how he was going to put this right and he said 'not do it again'. I told him this wasn't good enough and that we had to go to his house and speak to his mum. The mum was devastated and kept apologising. She then turned to the son and said 'So how can we replace this? You know we have no money. Where can I get this from?' He said 'you can't'. She apologised again, told the lad he had to go straight to his room and told me she will bring the money round when she has it.
So here's my dilemma. I feel so sorry for this woman-she clearly doesn't have the money and my son when I told him was really upset saying 'please don't make her pay mum. She has no money'. I feel the same so what do I do? Say it doesn't matter? It was £50 and is damaged significantly. I want the lad to realise what he's done but what's the best way to go about this?
Help, you wise MNers!
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AIBU?
To accept the money? More of a wwyd?
49 replies
Bocolatechiscuit · 05/06/2016 15:21
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