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To ask if pick up/put down has worked for anyone?

(45 Posts)
SpudTato Sun 05-Jun-16 13:18:46

My little sleep dodger is 4.5 months old. Sleep has been an issue since 9 weeks when he started waking every 45 mins to an hour. That has improved slightly so overnight we now get a 2-3 hour stretch generally, but he can take an hour to resettle.
His naps have reduced to 20-30 minutes even if sleeping on me, and takes an hour or so of rocking to get him to sleep, during which he cries hysterically.
We started pu/pd yesterday, he settles when picked up then screams in fury when put down, and we ended up rocking him in the pram anyway. Overnight very similar, did eventually sleep but only when we rocked the cot /fed to sleep. Both of us are exhausted and not sure what to do. He's too young for controlled crying, which I am not sure I could do anyway and laughs in the face of shush pat ect.

ElspethFlashman Sun 05-Jun-16 13:21:46

Tried all of that in desperation, all it did was wear me out. I should have just rolled with it, rocked him to sleep and stuck a dummy in his mouth. Fwiw, 2/3 hr stretches during the night at that age ain't bad.

cruikshank Sun 05-Jun-16 13:26:34

No success with it at all here and looking back now with logical glasses on I don't see why it should - if all I wanted was to be held (which is what your baby is telling you) then I would be mightily pissed off at being put down in a cot or moses basket on my own. I agree that 2-3 hours' sleep at a stretch is very good for such a little baby and actually the only thing that worked with all of mine at that age was putting them on the tit until they fell asleep. Which, incidentally, is very far from being a rod for your own back - when they were old enough, they stopped needing it and just got to sleep by themselves. But very young babies can't do that, and they need body warmth, contact and love with all of which they will - eventually , and for a few hours, settle. Then repeat.

Luckystar1 Sun 05-Jun-16 13:32:38

Didn't work for me either. It might for some, but I think it's a load of bollocks.

Shush patting worked really well for us, in conjunction with womb noises... It does feel like I spent a lot of my life doing it though!!!

Fluffy24 Sun 05-Jun-16 13:33:19

First of all big flowers for surviving a non sleeper, sleep deprivation is shit!

I can't say as to whether pick up put down works as we didn't really try it but a couple of thoughts when reading your post...

When you say he is too young for controlled crying do you mean you immediately intervene when he starts crying? tWhe DS was at that age I often found that he needed to cry/whinge for 5-10 minutes as part of his wind down procedure and would then conk out. The more tired he was the worse the crying. I don't class this as controlled crying.

I don't think there's a single straight forward method for teaching babies to sleep and the range of advice given, often contradictory, is probably not that helpful, though it's natural for you to want advice and natural for others to want to help. I found that as a general principle the idea of watching or listening for a few minutes before doing anything worked really well, whether it was deciding if he really needed to be picked up during the night or if the screwed face meant he really didn't like olives or just found the taste unusual (despite first appearances he is actually a big fan!).

pearlylum Sun 05-Jun-16 13:33:41

Sleeping with my babies was a godsend.

OwlinaTree Sun 05-Jun-16 13:36:38

My son was this age when we did it. He would only feed to sleep and had got to the point where he would wake when trying to transfer to the Moses basket and I'd have to start all over again.

I did the pu/pd following the baby whisperer's advice in the book. The first day it took 45 minutes to get him to sleep. 5 days later he was self settling. There have been ups and downs but in the whole it has been so worth it for our family.

You do need to persevere through the first few days. Take turns with your partner so he knows it's the same routine every time. I remember a few nap times not being able to face it so going out for a walk instead so he'd sleep in the pram rather than cave and feed to sleep.

It won't be easy on day one, and as pp have said, if you want to feed to sleep or rock etc till they grow out of it you can, it's your choice. But it will work if you stick with it, and it's easier to sort sleep issues at this age than wait till he's older.

Good luck!

Magstermay Sun 05-Jun-16 13:45:38

Having had a non sleeper at the same age as yours you have my sympathies as sleep deprivation is awful. Rest assured my awful sleeper now sleeps amazingly well (although I know that's not the case for everyone).

4.5 months is still very young and as pp have said 2-3 hours is pretty good, my DS1 literally wouldn't sleep when put down. At this age they still very much need comfort from you, I personally don't agree with 'sleep training' but even advocates don't recommend it til at least 6 months. Have a look at Babycalm, we did a sleep workshop with them and once I realised his sleep was completely normal for his age it made me relax - I was still knackered but not stressing that he 'should' be sleeping better.
You may wish to chat to your HV or GP just to see if reflux may be an issue if he doesn't like being laid flat? I wish I'd explored that option just to rule it out.
Remember it won't last forever!

OwlinaTree Sun 05-Jun-16 13:49:38

Lots of info here, recommends pu/pd after 4 months, but does point out some may not be ready, shh pat might be more suitable.

cruikshank Sun 05-Jun-16 13:59:44

I agree about reflux if he is happier when being held upright - I have a strong suspicion that one of mine had it as that was the case with him (and it stopped once he was able to sit up ), but I knew nothing about it at that stage.

SpudTato Sun 05-Jun-16 14:07:44

Elspeth and Cruikshank I agree 2-3 hours overnight is bearable, it's the naps that are killing me. On Friday I had to leave the room and scream after rocking him for an hour and he was still screaming.
Fluffy I do give it a bit of time, probably only a couple of minuets though. He tends to have a full on meltdown if we don't intervene in time.
Pearly co sleeping works, however he wants to be latched on the whole time, and I find being still enough for him to do that really uncomfortable. He tries to chew his way through my top if I try and stop him!
He will nap in the buggy but it takes 20 minutes of walking before he'll sleep sad

pinkdelight Sun 05-Jun-16 14:12:19

Yes! It worked brilliantly for us with both DS1 & 2, whereas co-sleeping didn't work at all, just meant no one got any sleep. But have to say, PU/PD didn't work for us at 4 months, was more like 6 months. Hang on in there!

ElspethFlashman Sun 05-Jun-16 14:28:24

Get a dummy. Don't underestimate their mighty power!

GretchenBeckett Sun 05-Jun-16 14:32:19

Before I had my 3 Dc I swore I'd never use a dummy.

I caved in the first week of having dc1 and it was a God send.

SpudTato Sun 05-Jun-16 14:40:04

Elspeth I've tried a dummy. Many many times. He just won't take it

Junosmum Sun 05-Jun-16 14:45:56

Just coming on to say you are not alone. 5 month old here. 2-3 hours max at a time, only naps on me- will wake the instant put down and will not go back to sleep leading to a very cranky baby and bad sleep at night. Sssh pat takes hours, pu/pd just leads to ever increased crying to the point where he is completely inconsolable, red, sweaty, shaking.

I'm feeding to sleep. It was at the point where the only way I got any sleep was co-sleeping with him latched on.

On friday night I slept in the spare room. DH was under strict instruction to only bring DS in to me at 1am and 3am, IF he woke up. 2am and 6am I was woken- I fed and handed back to DH to settle- took over an hour (I wore ear plugs). But the next night he did go down more easily AND I had a good night sleep so feel better able to handle him now.

I'm going to work on night sleep before naps.

shiveringhiccup Sun 05-Jun-16 14:54:21

Babies need food, warmth, love, and closeness to feel safe enough to sleep. The natural way is co-sleeping and feeding to sleep. Sounds like that's what yours is asking you for. Dr Sears website has info on how to do it safely, comfortably and properly.

Up to you of course if it's for you or not! Just wanted to add that as you will have many people telling you to sleep train but I think it's good to know the range of things you can do.

Good luck, sleep deprivation is very tough. Do you have much help?

ElspethFlashman Sun 05-Jun-16 15:05:09

spud try the 6 month + size ones if you want. We had constant refusal with the tiny ones but great relief success once we sized up.

Coldlightofday Sun 05-Jun-16 15:34:36

We co slept, fed to sleep and he only napped on me/in a sling/in the car/in pushchair.

The only thing that got him into any sort of routine of having decent naps was me getting into a routine of going out for a walk twice a day with him either in sling or in pushchair. Then he would doze off with no issue and stay asleep for a reasonable amount of time. Sleeping better during the day really seemed to help him sleep better at night.

He's now 4 and sleeps in his own bed except when he sleeps in my bed

SpudTato Sun 05-Jun-16 17:37:56

Thanks Juno we may need to do this one night. I haven't had more than 3 hours sleep in a row since January!
shivering it's not so much that, if it was working well I'd happily co sleep-it's just so uncomfortable!
Elspeth I've been out for some, wish me luck!
cold that worked for a while, but he's up as soon as we're home

SouperSal Sun 05-Jun-16 17:40:02

tWhe DS was at that age I often found that he needed to cry/whinge for 5-10 minutes as part of his wind down procedure and would then conk out. The more tired he was the worse the crying. I don't class this as controlled crying.

That's exactly what it is!

Goingtobeawesome Sun 05-Jun-16 17:42:54

I did it. Forget the lady whose book I had but she died a few years ago. The health visitor said DC didn't need night feeds and he was about six months so wanted him off the dummy. Took four night then he slept through. Picked up first night 40 times, next night 30, next night ten then three then slept through.

Pick up, put down, pick up, put down, no talking. And had to be same parent each time and each night.

Myusernameismyusername Sun 05-Jun-16 17:48:25

I only did withdrawal method (leaving the room gradually over a period of two weeks, to help DD self settle with me there but not speaking/touching) but she was 2 when I did this.
I did leave them to whinge sometimes as they would nod off but not to scream and scream as that just felt wrong.
DD2 had reflux and propping the cot on books to raise the end was a godsend idea when I found it!

lionsleepstonight Sun 05-Jun-16 18:40:11

I did baby whisperer to the letter and it worked, just had to do shush pat though, doing that really made a difference so I didn't need to move onto pick up, put down. However, I did every bedtime for every night for well over a year. I also stuck to the same routine. I think that helped to.

Zaurak Sun 05-Jun-16 19:17:56

Didn't work for us. It just seemed to make him very stressed out. He's 8 months and wakes every 10-40 mins. I am dying from lack of sleep.
4.5 months is generally bad for sleep. The only thing that ever helped us is putting him in our bed and feeding him back to sleep. All the things you're not supposed to do but the only ones that work.
We are waiting on docs appt to exclude physical problems - might be worth doing that too? But otherwise I think try various methods to see if they work but some of them are just shit sleepers

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